There are 3 types of perfectionists - which one do you belong to?

After so many years of citing "perfectionism" as your bad trait in job interviews, isn't it time you were a little more specific?

The pursuit of perfection has 3 different categories - will you be able to identify yourself?

Walla!

health

11/02/2022

Friday, 11 February 2022, 06:30 Updated: Friday, 11 March 2022, 06:51

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Perfectionism (pursuit of wholeness) is a trait that many people like to throw into the air when talking about other people, or about themselves - especially in job interviews.

But in practice it is a label that makes many people feel mostly anxious that they are "not enough" something.

A study published in the Journal of the Psychological Bulletin found that between 1989 and 2016 there was a significant increase in the proportion of people who defined themselves as 'perfectionists'.

But were you aware that there are 3 different types of perfectionism?

To better understand what kind of perfectionism you belong to, you should first get to know the different types, their characteristics and the way they are expressed in behavior.

Perfectionists are divided into 3 categories: self, other and social.

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Increased attention to detail and productivity, alongside a high personal cost.

Perfectionism (Photo: ShutterStock)

Self-perfectionism

Self-perfectionism as it is called is directed primarily at the person himself.

This is often expressed in very high self-criticism, a sense of burnout that stems from some self-disappointment that you or your accomplishments never manage to meet your expectations of yourself.

Self-perfectionists often tend to feel frustrated, because in practice even their "best" end does not live up to their own expectations.

These are people with an increased ability to pay attention to details and a willingness to put in a lot of effort to do everything just right.

On the other hand, they also have a hard time "releasing" failures and moving on when something is not going their way.

"People with this kind of perfectionism are often very productive, but they keep telling themselves that their accomplishments are not good enough, and they often feel dissatisfied or fail to bear the burden, instead of enjoying and celebrating their accomplishments and successes," explains Emily Simonian. A couple and family therapist who specializes in issues of self-esteem, depression and anxiety, in an interview with the Huffpost website.

Did you identify yourself with this description?

Here are some tips to help you better deal with your self-perfectionism: When you feel like everything's getting a little too much for you, take a step back before it all explodes in your face.

"When you begin to feel overwhelmed, try to identify one area in your life where you can take a step back and let go for a while or get support from others," Simonian recommends.

"Be sure to take care of yourself and maintain a balanced lifestyle that also includes time for leisure activities and social gatherings - this too will help."

Next, start practicing self-compassion - how do you do it?

Say to yourself things that will establish the separation between your behavior and who you really are.

For example: "I'm not happy with the fact that I skipped training today, but I usually manage to maintain a healthy and active lifestyle, so losing a workout once in ... is not the end of the world."

So you missed / failed / forgot something.

This is not the end of the world (Photo: ShutterStock)

Perfectionism directed towards the other

This type of perfectionism may not sound familiar to you by name, but we'll get down to the details soon and see that you do know it and have come across it in the workplace or at school, whether on the one hand or the other.

"This perfectionism is expressed in the fact that people think that their environment should behave in a very certain way, and when that does not happen they are hurt, offended or angry," Simionian explains.

This perfectionism creates a gap that stems from unrealistic expectations that lead to conflict.

"If you expect someone to always behave, think and do things exactly the way you prefer, you will likely create a judgmental environment where relationships are difficult to manage and will cause frustration, dissatisfaction and emotional pain for all parties," Simonian says.

Perfectionism of this kind has a heavy price especially in personal relationships, but not only.

Have you identified yourself with this description and do you feel that your personal relationships are paying a price for your perfectionism?

Try to show more understanding for others and practice empathy actively.

Try it this way: Suppose you freak out that your spouse always takes their shoes off in the living room and leaves them there instead of taking them to a place.

Ask them what the reason is, and seriously consider their answer.

The answer can be "because I'm tired" or "because it's something that is easily forgotten" or simply because "it does not bother me at all that they are out of place".

Make room for their explanations, which all by the way, can be legitimate.

Next, practice Thanksgiving - make a list of the good things you are happy about in your partner, their benefits, the positive qualities, the strengths of your relationship with them.

Such a list helps to increase the level of satisfaction from the relationship and shifts the focus to the good things, not the small disadvantages.

Trying to be the best in everything, all the time can be very tiring and frustrating (Photo: ShutterStock)

Social perfectionism

If you are based on what others think of you or you have a fear of rejection, you may very well be social perfectionists.

Perfectionists of this type conduct their lives under the assumption that their environment expects them to show, act and behave in a very particular way.

"It's normal to relate to what others think of you, up to a certain level, but social perfectionists take it to extremes. The hallmarks of this are often external: people who care about others seeing them as always in control, it's important for them to look smart, look beautiful, etc. Of others is so important to them that it really affects their sense of worth and self-confidence, ”Simonian explains.

The self-image of social perfectionists is actually a reflection of what others think of them.

They feel they are good enough only if they think others think that way about them, and vice versa.

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What to do?

It is important to strengthen your inner voice.

This can be done with a list of your strengths, positive qualities and achievements you have gained - it will help you feel proud of yourself.

When you feel worthless or hurting the self-confidence that comes from the outward gaze of others, ask yourself, 'Do I have real evidence that people think I'm not good enough?', In most cases you will find that the answer is that your feeling has no grip on reality.

Perfectionism is not an incurable disease

It is important to understand that perfectionism is not a destiny.

It is not always simple, but it is a behavior and way of thinking that can be changed and improved.

"Perfectionists have a tendency to expect some major milestone or significant achievement right from the start of their self-work, but small steps are the key to success in this change. Perfectionism can be 'recovered' with perseverance," says Simonian.

To make the change you have to focus on one small thing each time, and change it.

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• psychology

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• Perfectionism

• Self Esteem

• psychology