What do you do when the child does not want to dress up?

Parent counselor explains

Purim is supposed to be the children's holiday, but for many of them these are very complex days.

This will help children who do not want to dress up, children who will be disappointed with the delivery of the dishes they will receive, and all those little ones who really suffer from mass Purim events.

Good Foundation

13/03/2022

Sunday, 13 March 2022, 07:59

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Purim is a holiday that involves a lot of emotions - some people hate it and some people die for it.

Some kids are waiting to dress up all year, probably after the last few holidays that haven’t really been celebrated, and there are those who are just stressed at the thought of a costume.

Some mothers start sewing invested costumes for their children months before the holiday, and some buy at the last minute what is left on the store shelf.

I personally am not a fan of Purim and have never been.

I remember myself as a child shrinking at the thought of having to dress up, mass Purim events never did it for me and any attempt to get in a good instant mood made me immediately sullen and complaining.

If your children are like that too, you should understand where this is coming from, and how to help them.

Here is a special guide for Purim - from the costumes to the delivery of the dishes.

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Your kids' costumes have a special meaning

Young kids love to dress up, and they don’t need a Purim holiday for that, they basically dress up all year long.

This is one of their favorite role-playing games, and gardeners will attest that the costume boxes in the kindergarten are the busiest area for kids.

When kids dress up they allow themselves to check out what they want to be, what it feels like to be a Spider-Man or a cop.

The child is attracted to a certain character, is impressed by it, examines it and wants to be like it.

Children often want to dress up as characters close to them and are role models: wear big pants, stick a beard and be a dad, or wear a dress, wear a necklace and earrings, put on makeup and wear high heels like mom.

Sometimes they want to dress up as characters they can not be in reality, such as a princess, a fairy, a superhero and the like.

A girl disguised as a tiger.

Sometimes they choose things that scare them (Photo: Reuters)

Through disguise the child develops an identification with the character he is disguised as, so that the game of being that character shapes his identity and solidifies his self-image.

For example, a child who feels less equal and even rejected among his peers, can dress up as a superhero like Superman, thus meeting his unconscious need to feel strong.

Sometimes children will choose to dress up as characters or subjects that frighten them.

A child who is afraid of cops can ask to dress up as a cop, and a child who is afraid of death can dress up as a skeleton.

Through wearing the scary identity the child can process his fear experience and overcome it, while enjoying the feeling that he is defeating himself and sometimes enjoys scaring other children.

Why are there children who do not want to dress up on Purim?

Although children really like to dress up in general, especially on Purim itself, the holiday of costumes, a lot of children refuse to dress up, and for a very logical reason.

The main feature of Purim is the change of the world familiar to children.

The kindergartens and schools are specially decorated and full of different stimuli, adults and children look completely different from how they usually look, and everywhere there is noise, flicker and loud music.

Some children desperately need the sense of security and permanence that routine provides them.

These children will feel less stability and security on Purim and may experience the holiday and the subject of disguise as difficult and threatening.

Everything suddenly seems strange and threatening.

Masks for Purim in stores (Photo: Reuven Castro)

In addition, children who have not yet acquired the ability to distinguish between imagination and reality in a stable way, may fear that when they dress up they themselves disappear and get lost.

The lower the ability to distinguish between imagination and reality, the more the child experiences the disguise experience as foreign to his or her ordinary "I," and therefore as frightening and threatening.

And there are kids who just do not enjoy dressing up.

Not everyone feels comfortable with the costumes, makeup, masks and other accessories, especially if there is difficulty in sensory regulation, as they experience them as unpleasant and even very disturbing in contact with the skin.

What to do if the child does not want to dress up on Purim?

"If your child does not want to dress up in any way, you should listen to him and respect his wishes, despite the disappointment you probably feel. He does not necessarily do that to you."

1. Prepare a costume box in your home and allow the child to dress up at home during the year.

2. Let the child choose his costume, even if he chooses old and worn.

It is possible that she is more comfortable with his body and that he knows and loves it.

If the child has a hard time choosing or is scared, try to think of characters that the child connects with and offer him a friendly costume such as a chick or a puppy.

4. It is very important that the costumes are comfortable and not cumbersome.

Many parents make very invested but not completely comfortable costumes for a child beyond the first ten minutes.

Costumes such as a wooden mailbox that is worn on the child and causes him to walk only on the side are not a good idea, and so are costumes with a lot of makeup and uncomfortable and unpleasant fabrics.

5. If there is a stubborn refusal on the part of the child, you can offer him to wear one or two items, for example only a crown and a wand, or wings.

It is important to choose a comfortable and pleasant costume (Photo: ShutterStock)

6. And if your child does not want to dress up in any way, you should listen to him and respect his wishes despite the disappointment you probably feel.

It is advisable not to put pressure on him to dress up.

Dressing up should be fun and there is no obligation to dress up.

He does not do it for you and it will probably pass him by over the years.

And what about the urban Purim events?

I hear from many parents who took their children to watch Adlaide and thought they would be happy and excited, and instead the children got stressed, started screaming and crying and demanded to leave.

Look at it from a child's point of view.

Adlaide in Holon last year (Photo: Reuven Castro)

Many young children are afraid of clowns and big puppets, two characteristics that are found in large numbers in the various Purim celebrations.

In fact, the fear of clowns even has a special name - colorophobia - and it can certainly last until adulthood.

The excessive makeup that covers the clown's face causes apprehension about the figure hiding behind it, the exaggerated characteristics of the clown that include a red nose and a mane of colored hair, and the frozen smile on his face without movement, tend to scare the children very much.

Add to that the noise, the hustle and bustle, the amount of people surrounding you and you will understand, that for many children Adlaide is a threatening and frightening event.

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Packet delivery can also be a tricky business for kids

"In early childhood it is more correct for every child to leave the parcel he brought from home because it is difficult for them to deal with the frustration"

In schools and also in some kindergartens it is customary to ask the children to bring parcel deliveries to each other, but unfortunately in many cases it is no longer a modest and likable delivery, but a grandiose and competitive delivery.

It seems like every parent is competing with the other parent for the size of the delivery, its rich content, the gifts that come with it and the endless amount of candy that is put into it.

A child whose family hand does not manage to prepare such a parcel delivery, may feel inferior and less valuable compared to his friends.

Children are disappointed and frustrated even when they receive a less successful or invested parcel delivery than their parcel delivery.

In early childhood it is more correct that every child should leave to himself the delivery of the dishes he brought from home and which he decorated and prepared, because it is difficult for them to deal with the frustration, and also because they develop possessions for the delivery of the dishes which is "theirs from home".

Packet delivery can be a fertile ground for disappointments (Photo: Nimrod Saunders)

At school age, many educational institutions give up the parcel delivery ceremony or ask students to bring a uniform parcel delivery that includes items from a regular list.

The intention is to avoid disappointments and frustrations, but in practice few parents do stick to the list.

Alternative solutions to prevent children's frustrations and disappointments are: each child eats his or her own parcel delivery, or send the child with an extra packet of sweets in the bag, so that he or she is not disappointed with a parcel-free parcel delivery to his liking.

All of these are unnecessary to me.

School-age children can deal with the frustration involved in receiving a less-invested packet of their own.

Dealing with a certain amount of frustration is an important skill, ask us to keep our children from acquiring it, and our job is to accompany them in exposure to it and provide them with tools to deal with it properly.

It is important to talk to the children before and explain to them that our giving after is unconditional giving, it comes from an honest place of desire to be happy and it is not for acceptance back.

Everyone gives according to his abilities and what we give should not be affected by what we receive.

We must always respect the investment and intention of the other to give of ourselves.

In conclusion, Purim can be a very complex holiday, but if you come to it prepared and aware, chances are you will leave it with a smile.

Until then - here are some pictures that will make you smile right now.

• health

• parenthood

Tags

• Purim

• Costumes

• Edlaide

• parenthood