Does the child suffer from ADHD?
It is important that you pay attention to this feature
Too little has been written about the link between ADHD and guilt.
But she is always there, adults as well as children.
What can we parents do to help the child avoid the difficult feelings?
Dr. Shai Chen Gal
04/04/2022
Monday, 04 April 2022, 06:15 Updated: 07:35
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Sometimes the patients are the best therapists there are.
For example, a mother of three children, including a son and daughter dealing with attention deficit disorder who receive parental guidance from their partner at TLM - a network for psychological counseling and training, told me that a day after receiving the diagnosis of her eldest son, who suffers from ADHD. ), She of course started reading and searching for information on Google.
True, not really reliable, and you can still find a lot of information there from doctors and psychologists, parents and even children who have read about their symptoms.
Write there about learning difficulties, social difficulties, difficulties at work, emotional difficulty and more.
The main thing about the disorder was not written anywhere, she said.
On the connection between ADHD and guilt.
Guilt may have different levels, and sometimes it even disguises itself as a different behavior or emotion, but it is always there, adults as well as children.
Those dealing with the disorder often suffer from a negative self-image and a feeling that they are always "wrong" - wrong at school, wrong at work, wrong with friends.
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To the full article
Over the years, all the complaints and remarks are collected (most of them start with "why not") - about homework not being prepared, about getting organized too long, about not meeting deadlines, about forgetting assignments, about irrelevant comments made to friends, about various outbursts that are not Adapt to the situation.
And actually what not.
Years of complaints and comments.
Bored child (Photo: ShutterStock)
One of the major problems with ADHD is the gap between understanding what needs to be done and the performance itself.
Because the same child or adult understands very well what needs to be done and how, the gap between understanding and its ability to perform is very frustrating.
He knows he should have done an "X" but failed.
He does not need us to tell him.
So it is quite clear why that child, who over time becomes an adult, carries with him endless feelings of guilt.
A U.S. institute of psychology that has examined the phenomenon among its patients has found to its surprise that adults with ADHD carry a heavier burden of guilt even than victims of abuse.
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It is interesting to meet people who have been diagnosed at a late age and understand from them the meanings of the disorder for them.
All the years they blamed themselves, why they can not be like everyone else and why they always "miss".
All of a sudden, when they discover that very many of the traits that belonged to "bad character", inability to keep their mouth shut in society, the uncontrollable tendency to get into people in the middle of speech and many other things that change significantly while taking the drug.
The role of the parents is to accompany the child in childhood and adolescence, so that he carries as little guilt and distress as possible in his personal bag.
The burden is heavy and parents have the ability to reinforce and see the positive in their child.
First let's remember a few facts:
1. A child with ADHD was not born out of nowhere.
He usually has at least one parent and often also siblings who are dealing with the same phenomenon.
Not always with the same symptoms.
This makes the situation at home clearly not simple.
It is true that this child takes most of the air in the house, and the parents still have a house to manage, work to perform and often also their own problems.
Those that are related or not to our private ADHD.
4. When there are more children.
It is important to remember that they too deserve love and attention.
5. We too as parents, we are human beings and we too have our own feelings, abilities and characteristics.
Regardless of anyone.
We too are allowed to make mistakes sometimes and also lose patience.
We are not machines.
6. Sometimes parents also have feelings of guilt.
It's important to talk about it.
Help them get rid of the guilt.
A boy hides (Photo: ShutterStock)
So what can you do as a parent, to minimize the weight of the burden of guilt and help your children develop the resilience they so desperately need?
Highlight Strengths:
Try to define what your child's most significant strengths are.
Stick to them and try to expand their presence in your child's life.
A short free test (in English) can help you with this - the VIA test.
The test results are your 24 most powerful traits.
Find out if you or your child has an excellent sense of humor, curiosity, hope or any other wonderful trait.
2. Talk to the child:
Do not leave things in the stomach and erupt at the end.
Our children are sensitive and they read us without a problem and also without words.
3. Examine yourself:
Look inside and think about yourself in the past - how you can identify with your child's feelings.
It is also possible and recommended to tell him.
Depending on age and ability to understand of course.
4. Dosage:
We can not not comment at all, but we do not have to comment on anything.
Choose your struggles and do not try to fix everything at once.
It just will not work.
Talk, share and most importantly - love.
Mother talks to girl (Photo: ShutterStock)
5. Maintain a balance:
Be sure to relate and praise any good thing your child does.
He needs your paragon.
Try one day to count the number of times you praise him versus the number of times you get angry at him.
No doubt it will give you proportion.
6. Home:
Remember that home is a significant source of strength for a child.
There is the most beloved and most important.
When considering the dose, also consider everything the child went through during the day.
7. Love yourself:
Do not blame yourself for every time you are angry with your child.
It will not help him nor you.
8. You too deserve help:
Even if you give the child all the help he needs - help with studies, medication and emotional therapy, you are there too!
Think about the instruction on the plane to wear the oxygen mask first so you can help others.
Here too, you need oxygen, find the right solution for you in the form of a support group, couple therapy or even as part of parental guidance so you can get the support you need.
9. Do not listen (all the time) to advice from others:
we have lots of friends and family members who intend to help, so they are happy to give us a thousand tips: how best to educate our child, set boundaries and more.
It is exhausting and often does not help either.
We do not need any more suggestions.
We need support and a listening ear.
And what is the most important thing you can do?
Love your children, hug them even when it's hard and tell them you love them.
If they knew you were there for them even when it's less fun, you could raise kids with much higher resilience and self-esteem.
Dr. Shai Chen Gal is the Chief Psychologist of the Amal and Beyond Group and CEO of the TLM Group.
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parenthood
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ADHD
ADHD
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