The parent who did not know how to ask

Find yourself asking your child "How was Grandma?", And he answers, at best, in one word?

You probably do not know to the end how to ask.

Here are some winning tips that will improve your engagement at home

Dana said, in collaboration with JAMA

17/04/2022

Sunday, 17 April 2022, 06:22

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Maybe we should start with the question why is it so important to ask our children questions?

And the answer lies in the fact that we all have the desire to raise children with self-confidence, we all want to raise happy and sociable children and we all want our children to see us as a safe source for sharing and consultation in the future as well.

To do this we must remember that we, their parents, constitute the first and most meaningful connection in their lives, our children will never learn about themselves from us.

So it's great to tell them how much we love them, but it's not always enough.

One of the most important feelings for children is the understanding that the parent is really interested in them, interested in what they feel, who they are and what they love, this feeling will strengthen their value and self-confidence, help them perceive themselves as important and teach them to be interested in others.

Think for yourself what would you like to share after a day of work?

Probably less in the technical details and more in the overall experience.

So do our children - they do not always remember the technical details of the day, and therefore need more focused questions in the experience such as: "What made you the funniest today?", "What saddened you the most today?", "Tell me about one new thing you learned Today?"

"Who did you sit next to at the meeting?"

"Do you like sitting next to him?"

Questions of this kind convey to the child that I want to know how he is, that I am interested in what he thought and how he felt.

It is important to understand that our children go through a lot of experiences during their day, they are overwhelmed and do not always remember everything that happened.

Once we come to pick them up from kindergarten they are mostly happy to see us, give them time to process all the information and experiences of the day before you pounce on questions.

God is in the small details, it is important to create a comfortable and inviting framework for conversation, and with preschoolers it necessarily means getting their attention before asking the question.

To simplify matters - it means to connect with them, to approach, to touch, to be interested in what they are doing at that moment "Wow I see you built a tower from the magnets ..."

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Studies have found that when we are connected to another person we are more open to influencing him, so by such a first connection you simply make it easier for the child to be attentive to you, to concentrate on what you are asking him.

So sit next to him, wait for songs to look, look him in the eye and then start talking (very soon you will see them using this technique to get your attention ... see you were warned).

Do not repeat yourself - if you asked once and did not get an answer it just means you did not get the attention - go back to the first step.

Give a personal example and listen - try to pay attention to how communication is conducted in your home.

Do you stare at the screen while your child talks and tells about his day?

Are you in the middle of cleaning, shopping, reading an email or are you free to listen?

The idea is not to stop everything you do - but to tell the child "I really want to hear what you have to say, let me finish what I do and then I can be with you ..." If you really want the child to listen to you, take the time Listening to him only takes a few minutes.

(Start it early and get adolescents willing to talk to them - I promise you'll be happy about it)

Give feedback Share me "," I love hearing how you went today "," I enjoyed finding out what you're doing in kindergarten "Such sentences encourage and invite children to repeat the action in the future as well.

And finally, do not cancel experiences and avoid the desire to solve all the problems - if you have already asked and the child tells what he is going through do not rush to contradict or cancel his feelings and emotions "So what if he did not play with you, you have lots of other friends ..." Such comments teach The children that only some of the shares are legitimate and there are stories that it is better to hide because you like them less to hear.

Once the child receives a list of operating instructions from us for the next time, he may prefer to share less.

Written by

Amr - Certified Behavior Analyst, MA in Special Education, Lecturer and Expert in Family Cell Accompaniment.

The Jama app was established with the aim of addressing mothers of babies from birth to age three, and centralizing for them content, activities, tips from experts and videos that will accompany them throughout this challenging period.

All the content in the app "grows" together with the baby and is precisely adapted to its developmental stages, so that the mothers receive only what is relevant to them and interests them at any given moment.

The Jama app is the place for mothers in Israel to meet and get to know other mothers around them, and create new and exciting friendships in the fascinating journey.

Search us on Google: https://app.jama.co.il/

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