The child wants to invite a friend again?

This is how you will get through it in peace

The little ones have grown up and you have reached a new stage in your life as a parent - the playdate stage.

How to do it right, at what age should you - and at what dose?

Here's everything you need to know

Orly Robin

27/05/2022

Friday, 27 May 2022, 08:06 Updated: 08:57

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In Israel, compared to what is customary in the United States and Europe - the hospitality culture of friends is very common, and from the age of kindergarten our children are expected to host and be hosted.

So at what age should children meet with friends in the afternoon, and how do they deal with quarrels between them during the meeting?

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When do you start inviting friends?

Playtime already has meaning for toddlers, who at this age are playing "parallel play" - that is, they are interested in each other, imitating each other and thus developing their social abilities.

But some argue that toddlers have enough social time in kindergarten, and there is no need to initiate sessions beyond that, until the children request it themselves.

In fact, there is no unequivocal answer to the question at what age it is worthwhile to start initiating afternoon sessions.

It is recommended to be attentive to the toddler, to his needs and also to the needs and abilities of our parents.

For example, spending a morning or afternoon with another adult, a parent of a boy or girl being hosted, can be a good social experience for us as well.

And it's okay also not to like to host.

Some parents feel that hospitality, probably at a young age, requires a lot of effort, and not one instead of just entertaining their own children, they feel they have to entertain their friends and even their parents as well.

At first they are mostly playing next to each other.

Two toddlers play (Photo: ShutterStock)

Around the age of four, these encounters become meaningful, and can also contribute to interaction during the day in kindergarten - the children recreate experiences they experienced together in each other's home, and the encounters form the basis for strengthening relationships.

At later ages the children decide among themselves, and the parents become the ‘coordinators’, until the sessions are set without parental involvement.

How many times a week should you meet the child with a friend?

The frequency depends on the child's desire, their ability to socialize after a full day in kindergarten and again - in your requests the parents host or accompany the child to the meeting.

It is advisable to maintain the right balance, not meeting every day and also not too rarely.

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How long should such a meeting last?

The duration of the session is an individual matter.

Toddlers can only interact for a short time, and come in and out of it alternately, so the length of the session will usually be adjusted to the amount of time the parents enjoy together.

In kindergarten age reasonable accommodation will last about two hours, and will also include dinner time.

And what happens when the kids start arguing?

Conflicts are an almost integral part of entertaining at a young age, and phrases like "I will not let you touch this", or "If we do not play with it I will not be your friend anymore" are quite common in such encounters.

When it comes to toddlers we will probably see more kidnapping of toys, urgency and sometimes even bites.

At later ages the conflicts are around the rules of the game themselves.

A child cries at Playdate is not an unusual sight :) A child cries at insult (Photo: ShutterStock)

Conflicts between children are a natural thing and important for development.

Conflicts are an opportunity for meaningful learning to solve problems, and also for developing important social skills such as providing an explanation and understanding that later there are thoughts and desires that may be different from mine, empathy, negotiation and more.

Our job, the adults, is to convey calm, not to stress and not to rush to suggest solutions, but to listen to the situation, encourage joint thinking and give an opportunity for a solution that comes up on the part of the children.

One of the things I recommend at a young age is to prepare for a meeting.

Talk to the child and plan what to do together and you can even create a list of possible activities together, for example: "First we play a little in the room, after that you can go out on the balcony to paint with hand paints and then we will have dinner."

On that occasion you will talk about what the children are willing to share, and what they do not agree offered to keep in another room.

Remember that children do not have to share everything - nor all the time, children can play cooperatively and during the host move to play at the same time and later return to play together.

You should maintain flexibility, and if necessary you can completely change the environment and decide to go down to the garden.

At what age can you leave a child alone with a friend?

Another issue that bothers parents is whether they should stay in the host house and at what age they can leave the children alone, and the answer is that each child has his own rhythm - some children 'give up' the parent's presence at three or four, and some children want the parent to stay five or five. Six, and that's fine.

It is important that you be attentive to the needs of the children.

If other parents seem to be staying less, you can try a gradual process, in which you break up for half an hour or an hour and come back, check with the child. How they feel about it.

My child wants to invite 3 friends.

Is that likely?

Hosting friends can raise various social and educational dilemmas.

For example, when children ask to order more than one child.

The nature of the encounter and the dynamics between the children varies completely in a meeting of two versus a meeting of three or four, and the planning should be accordingly.

Think of activities that are suitable for a small group where everyone can participate, and remember that sometimes there will be splits.

There are children whose interaction with several children is easy for them at the same time, and they manage to manage it well, and there are children in whom such a situation causes difficulty and frustration, so mediation may be most needed.

A meeting of more than 2 children requires a different preparation.

Girls play in the living room (Photo: ShutterStock)

There will also be cases where the hosted children will ask to do things that are not acceptable in your home.

In such a case, it is recommended to explain in a clear and simple way the rules of the house, for example - "We do not play ball in the living room" or "We do not jump on the sofas" and so on.

Stay in the area to make sure it does not recur, and if so, mention the rules again and direct the children to another activity that complies with house rules.

Most importantly - respect the will of * your * child

There is hardly a parent who has not once been approached by a boy or girl and asked "Can I come to you?"

This can be especially unpleasant when your children are not interested in hosting.

It is important to respect the will of your children, and you can always answer, "Today we can not, maybe another time."

And another important point to conclude: Do not be tempted to invite the same boy or girl who always quarrels with your children to 'make peace'.

You probably would not want to meet someone you do not get along with, and the children do not always have to get along with each other, not everyone has to be friends.

It is possible, and recommended, first to talk to the kindergarten teacher and understand what the difficulty is, to talk about things with our child and think with them about solutions to reduce quarrels.

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