Punishing children with a slap in the face "was completely normal" - experts warn against methods

Created: 06/26/2022, 07:18

By: Natalie Hull Drawbar

Author Matthias Kröner knows this from his own childhood and, like educator Katia Saalfrank, advocates education without physical punishment.

Berlin – When the father of two boys is not writing for the popular portal “eltern.de”, among other things, he likes to be out and about with his children.

Kicking football together is very popular right now.

Sometimes it gets stormy and loud.

When his children were still toddlers, he liked to meet other parents in cafés or restaurants.

Of course the children were there too.

And just as children are, they were sometimes noisy.

But is that okay?

Or is it an expression of not having your kids under control these days?

Looking back, Kröner would put it that way for himself.

Raising children: Expert says parents don't have their offspring under control

Especially when talking to grandparents and neighbors, the father of two hears this again and again that today's generation of parents does not raise their children properly.

They would “treat their offspring too much with kid gloves” and set them too few limits.

This is also reflected in the (pre)loud behavior.

Due to the few boundaries, the children would develop more easily into selfish and spoiled people, says the educationalist author Albert Friedrich Wunsch, for example.

The university teacher polarizes again and again with his views and theses about today's modern child-rearing.

Some "helicopter" parents jump as soon as the child makes a peep - this behavior would damage the child's development, says teacher Beate Letschert-Grabbe.

As a child, author Matthias Kröner experienced for himself that setting limits used to involve physical reactions: “When I used to say 'stupid dad!'

said it happened exactly once.

Then there was a 'gscheite Schelln' (Franconian for a slap in the face), anger was consistently locked away ('Go to your room!'), and it was completely normal to punish ('You'll be banned from television now!').” Being loud was there not wanted and not allowed.

Should children of today never be loud, should parents "lock them up" if they disturb them?

(Iconic image) © Nasos Zovoilis/Imago

Relationship instead of education?

Experts advise breaking new ground

But what does a good and proper upbringing look like nowadays?

Is it still normal to slow down your children, never let them be loud, "lock them up" when they are disruptive and angry?

"I think a lot of parents of my generation know they don't want that.

But how is it better?

We hardly have any role models for this.

How to raise children is less clearly defined today than it was when I was a child - and above all we do not agree on this.

Instead, today we even question the term 'education'.

And rely more on 'relationship'.”

Educator, mother of four and author Katia Saalfrank is also familiar with these difficulties of generational differences from her daily work as a coach for parents.

In one of her books, the mother of four sons advocates breaking new ground in raising children, away from the classic parenting model and towards more parent-child relationships.

The aim is to focus more on mindfulness instead of instruction, trust instead of control and cooperation instead of against each other.

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According to the findings from developmental psychology, infant and attachment research as well as brain research in evolutionary biology, it is now known how to deal well with children.

“In the past, feelings and emotional needs for warmth, closeness and security had to be suppressed, which has long-term consequences for the children affected.

From burnout to depression in young people, anxiety, attachment and relationship disorders.

If we know that today, then we can incorporate this knowledge into our interactions with children and can get away from pure behavioral adjustments," emphasizes the educator Saalfrank.

This article only contains general information on the respective health topic and is therefore not intended for self-diagnosis, treatment or medication.

In no way does it replace a visit to the doctor.

Unfortunately, our editors are not allowed to answer individual questions about clinical pictures.