When Daphne Teller, author of the book "From All My Educational Courts," accompanies women to relationships and writes opinion columns for "Israel Today," divorced at age 40 after ten years of marriage and three children, she was sure she would easily find a new relationship.
"I found myself in a new and unfamiliar world, when my dates were unsatisfying, did not lead to any serious or long-term relationship, and after several years like that I was on the verge of despair."
"I discovered that the problem was not just mine. Almost all of my single friends told me about the exact same problem, we all failed to produce a relationship. In the sixth year after I divorced, and after countless dates that did not lead to the desired relationship, I realized I was probably doing something wrong. Of today and I need to learn how to form a relationship, or at least understand the male mind better, "she says.
"I realized that no one teaches us to form a relationship, and if we think we know something - it's probably not true, and I decided to study alone. I read a lot of books in the field, I went to comprehensive courses on the differences in thinking between men and women, I went to personal training with the late Diana Wonderful, I read dozens of studies and articles, attended workshops, even attended an admissions course, a channeling course, a numerology course.
Everything that seemed relevant to me - I learned ... "
"... indeed, after I realized I internalized everything I had learned, and of course continued to date, I noticed that the relationships I made with men became more stable and more correct for me. I met less delusional, crazy, exploitative or just those who wasted my time. I was able to manage relationships For half a year or more, every relationship I was in felt better, more fulfilling, more true, and more appropriate to me than the one that preceded it. I've been in a wonderful relationship for three years now, "says Teller about the path that led her to write a practical guide to creating a relationship.
Learning about ghosting
The book is a practical guide to creating a relationship that also includes guidance and explanations on topics such as how to know if the man you started dating is in your interest or not, why men do ghosting, tips for building a winning profile in dating apps, important information like how to get more men to contact you (without lying in profile Your) and whether to make a grocery list and how exactly to do it (including homework).
There is an agenda in the book that challenges the blurring between the sexes and the call for equality between men and women.
Among other things, there is a very clear reference on what happens when a woman flirts with a man and whether it is worthwhile, how to arouse the man to come back after you, whether to allow a man to pick you up on a first date from home, who pays on a first date, who calls whom after a date and more.
What is the biggest mistake that singles make in dating?
"There are a lot of mistakes. I have a lecture that accompanies the book on the five common mistakes on the way to creating a relationship, and the question I am always asked at the beginning is: 'What, there are only 5 mistakes?'
"So the answer is of course no. There are about 5,000 mistakes and I made them all. But if we have to pick another major mistake, I choose to talk about one big mistake I made over and over again that made me miss quite a few quality men who could fit me over the years."
"In my job I'm engaged in placement, I find people in jobs in marketing, advertising and digital. I interview people all day, and I'm proud to say I'm very good at what I do. Five minutes from the moment I sat down in front of my date, I already know with complete confidence whether it suits me or not. Why is this a mistake? Because you can not really learn about the man (or woman) in front of you something real in five minutes. Not even within an hour, It's very common that we all do. "
She said, "The first date does not really reflect the character of those present. Therefore, if your date was not extremely terrible, and if you did not noticeably notice a negative trait in the date in front of you, I recommend not to disqualify. Saying is not always possible, even after the second date or "Therefore, my recommendation is not to rush into disqualification. Getting to know someone takes time, and maybe in time you will discover a charming and quality man, who failed to express his true and charming self on a first date?"
There is a very strong saying in your book that says a man should woo, and that a woman should not take this role from him. How does it get along with the world going in an egalitarian direction? Should only the man start?
"With all due respect to progress, the status of women and our openness as a society, a man is still a man and a woman is a woman. In the courtship process this different framework must be maintained. For years I did not understand this, "There should be equality. As soon as the boundaries blur, it undermines the process of creating a relationship."
"Most women do not understand that when a man is courting them, they are not required to give him anything in return. If a woman responds to his advances and appreciates his efforts, that is enough for him. "To please her, to be attracted to her and to connect with her. A woman must understand that her responsiveness is the positive feedback that the man receives from her, and this is also the reward he strives for most of all."
Should a woman offer to pay on a first date?
"No. You should not pay for the man on the first date. You should also not call or pursue him. On the contrary! If you do all this, you may destroy yourself. The most basic DNA of every man is the need to conquer. Men are hunters. This is how they are built. Even if we have advanced for decades, a man will remain a man. Of the role of the man and the role of the woman in the process of creating the relationship. "
"Once you learn all these rules, the process of creating a relationship becomes more efficient and even fun, dating changes for the better and you can create a relationship more easily and quickly. Then, when there is a relationship, it already changes in part, but that's another matter."
The book can be purchased on the Facebook page "Dafna Teller - from all my educational circulars" or on the Instagram page. In the coming days there is also a special sale of 50 percent off the book.
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