Parenting: Punishment can harm children's emotional intelligence

Created: 07/23/2022, 09:00

Help, my child disobeys!

These ten SOS tips from parenting experts will help parents in dealing with their own offspring. 

Munich – It can often be overwhelming for parents to get tips on raising children.

From books to blog articles and websites, with so many sources, it's difficult to keep track.

Parents should therefore make sure that parenting advice comes from trusted experts who are the most highly trained educators or psychologists.

Because self-proclaimed gurus often don't know any better than parents themselves. Here are ten expert tips to help parents raise their children.

1. Dialogue instead of punishment

Instead of punishment, an educational expert advises dialogue with the children – to promote emotional intelligence.

(Iconic image) © Adalberto Rodriguez/IMAGO

According to parenting expert Bonnie Harris, punishments are extremely ineffective in promoting children's emotional intelligence: "Children do not learn through fear and coercion." It is therefore much more effective when parents and children get together to look for solutions to problems together.

Otherwise, parents risk their offspring copying their behavior and starting to bully other children.

2. Correctly interpret misconduct

Children can often express problems and needs only through naughty.

Unfortunately, parents often misunderstand their children's behavior and do not address the real core of the problem.

Developmental Psychologist Dr.

Nancy Buck advises always investigating what is really behind the misconduct.

3. Treat the child with respect

Aggression is absolutely out of place when dealing with children.

Parents should therefore make sure that they do not lose control over their offspring.

Anything else could have traumatic consequences for the children or teach them to deal with conflict in aggressive ways as well.

Psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Dr.

Gail Saltz advises parents to take a break and leave the room if they get angry.

4. Children are allowed to be mad at their parents

Even if it's not always easy, parents sometimes have to be strict with their offspring.

As couple and family therapist Lori Freson explains, once the child is shown boundaries, it's okay for the child to be angry with the parent: "The alternative is to have an unbearable child."

5. Learn to understand discipline

According to parenting coach and author Tom Limbert, discipline has nothing to do with threats or punishment.

Rather, parents can see their role as a teacher who sometimes needs to set boundaries for children—for their own good.

This is exactly what can be explained to the offspring in a calm but emphatic way: "Respect is a gateway to your child's cooperation."

6. Give clear instructions

Children often only hear what they want - this is exactly what couples and family therapist David Johnson warns against: "If you have to say the same thing to your child repeatedly before he or she answers, you are training them to ignore you."

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7. Children need to feel the consequences themselves

Parents often feel the need to punish their children when they do not follow their instructions.

According to personality psychologist Heidi Smith Luedtke, however, it is much more effective to simply let things take their natural course: "If your child doesn't want to put on the coat, let him or her get cold.

If he doesn't want to tidy his room, let his toys get lost."

8. Remain consistent

Children are creatures of habit - it is all the more confusing for them when their parents react more or less harshly in the same situations.

Because that's exactly what psychologist Dr.

Reinforcing negative behavior patterns, Susan Bartell: "Because your child will keep trying in the hope that this time they won't get into trouble."

9. Praise is allowed

Even if it is sometimes difficult to imagine: secretly, children want nothing more than to please their parents.

"Nothing makes a child happier than the pride they feel when their mother or father praises them," says parenting expert and author Dana Obleman.

That's why parents shouldn't be too sparse with praise when their children behave well.

10. Keeping the big picture in mind

Parents of teenagers often have it particularly hard.

psychologist dr

Seth Meyers recommends not getting bogged down in petty, day-to-day arguments and instead looking to the years to come.

As soon as the child leaves the parental home, it can decide for itself how deep the connection with the parents should be.

This article only contains general information on the respective health topic and is therefore not intended for self-diagnosis, treatment or medication.

In no way does it replace a visit to the doctor.

Unfortunately, our editors are not allowed to answer individual questions about clinical pictures.