"It's a shame they didn't tell me to freeze eggs first" - 45 years old in a personal confession

After 17 IVF treatments Zohar (pseudonym) will celebrate 45 next month, and she is still fighting to have a child.

"If only they had told me to freeze eggs at the age of 20, the situation would have been different."

Personal column

Voila system!

health

07/24/2022

Sunday, July 24, 2022, 07:10 Updated: 09:30

• Share on Facebook

• Share on WhatsApp

• Share on Twitter

• Share by email

• Share in general

• Comments

  Comments

Another round of fertility treatments.

A woman injects hormones (Photo: ShutterStock)

After another period, more hormones, more hope and more disappointment, I start another round of fertility treatments.

I have always been optimistic.

Already at the age of 18 I wanted to be a mother and I was always in long relationships that seemed promising.

From then until today, I am always accompanied by the feeling that in a moment it will happen, that motherhood is just around the corner.

When it all started, at the age of 37, my gynecologist sent me for blood tests and when I got the results, I went to consult another gynecologist.

The first doctor did urge me to freeze eggs, but the second doctor actually calmed me down and said he didn't understand why they told me to hurry.

At the same time, it became clear to me that I suffer from hypothyroidism - a problem that went undiagnosed for a long time and even when it was already diagnosed, I was not told that it causes poor ovarian reserve.

If only I had known, I would have acted differently.

Today, I understand that I shouldn't have been satisfied with the answer of one gynecologist and that I should have gotten several opinions, been more active, researched my situation and options in depth, learned to decipher my tests myself and not trust the system to hand me the answers.

When I look again at the blood tests I did then, I realize that I should have started immediately and not wait for the funding of my fertility treatments by the state, which only started when I reached the age of 40.5.

Why do we still live in a circle of silence?

One in eight couples in the United States, one in six couples worldwide and one in four couples in China face fertility problems.

It is estimated that between 50 and 80 million people in the world suffer from infertility problems and the figures are so high that the World Health Organization has stated that infertility has already become a global epidemic.

If millions of people are dealing with this problem, why are we still living in a circle of silence?

Why do I still feel ashamed in front of the world and in front of my family and friends?

Why do I still feel guilty that I didn't start on time, that I didn't read the situation better, that I didn't know, that I wasn't told, that I still insist on my genes and am not willing to consider other options?

Why don't I talk about it with my mother, with friends who have children and even with friends who are going through IVF processes?

The reason is that it is already easier to remain silent than to explain to everyone about every stage of the treatments and all the difficult emotions I am dealing with.

Today, after 17 rounds of IVF, of hopes and disappointments, and after years of high frequency hormone injections, I still can't decide to stop the train and the upheaval is tremendous, both physically and emotionally.

At the beginning, I went through the process with my partner, who did not understand me and was unable to support me.

Therefore, in the future I preferred to go through it alone, because that way at least I have no expectation of receiving support and there is no room for disappointment either.

I'm going through it alone and that's what it is.

More in Walla!

Here is everything you must know about pregnancy after the age of 35

To the full article

"After 17 rounds of IVF I still can't stop the train."

In vitro fertilization (Photo: ShutterStock)

When I was young, I could still talk about the process with friends, but today most of them have children and the friends who face the same challenges, also keep silent.

What is there to talk about, another failed cycle?

About the fact that a good friend has already entered the sixth month of her pregnancy but did not tell me because she wanted to protect me, even though I am not a child and do not need to be protected?

The cycle of silence was finally broken when I arrived at Assuta's meeting designed to prepare for the egg donation process.

For the first time, I felt that I could have an honest and real conversation.

Amazing women who face the same challenges, consider the same solutions and share information with each other.

A few weeks after Asuta's meeting, I arrived at the Expecting conference, a digital platform that helps intended parents find all surrogacy and egg donation service providers in one place, and there I met an amazing team that does everything with a big heart and truly understands the sensitive situation that intended parents are in.

What really moved me was that the conference did start with excellent lectures by experts in the field of surrogacy and egg donation, but it continued with conversations that went on until the wee hours of the night.

We all talked openly about the processes we are going through and the possibilities before us, the challenges, the things to watch out for and the best ways to start the process.

We spoke face to face, without hiding behind an anonymous internet persona.

This is my story.

This is my war.

break the cycle of silence

I have been documenting my journey since day one.

I take videos, write articles and collect the syringes in containers that stand in the corner of the room as a piercing testimony to the journey I am going through.

But, I haven't published any documentation yet.

Something in me still fears that I will be treated as damaged goods and will not want to hear from someone who is still fighting and has not won.

So I still maintain anonymity, but also continue to fight every day with my fertility problem.

My journey is long and complex, and there is no telling what awaits me at the end.

In the meantime, I want to try to break the cycle of silence.

Why are we ashamed?

Why do we feel damaged?

And why do we feel guilty?

If I manage to solve these doubts, maybe my next column will no longer be anonymous.

• health

• Pregnancy and Birth

• Fertility and gynecology

Tags

• fertility

• Eggs

• The pregnancy