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Is your toddler having a tantrum? This is what you need to know - voila! health

2022-07-28T05:38:15.501Z


We can't prevent tantrums in toddlers from happening - and what's more, we really don't want to either. A qualified behavior analyst explains why they are important and what to do with them


Is your toddler having a tantrum?

This is what you need to know

We can't prevent tantrums in toddlers from happening - and what's more, we really don't want to either.

A certified behavior analyst explains why they are important and what to do with them

Dana said, in collaboration with JAMA

07/28/2022

Thursday, July 28, 2022, 07:22 Updated: 08:28

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There is nothing more discouraging for a parent than standing helplessly in front of a toddler during a tantrum.

Our confusion celebrates in front of a show, the clapping, crying and shouting.

What should we do now?

be angry?

shout?

Set a limit?

educate?

to contain?

embrace?

insist or give up?

The average parent's thoughts wander between despair and hope, reeling off every piece of advice or tip they've heard in order to figure out what the right thing to do at the moment is.



Our young children feel everything from everything and at high intensities, they move quickly from tremendous anger to uncontrollable joy, from great panic to excitement and now add to this emotional pendulum also fatigue, hunger and a little jealousy and here is a successful recipe for a boundless outburst.



So let's start from the end - we can't prevent tantrums from happening, and what's more, we really don't want to.

These tantrums at preschool age have a role and great developmental importance for our children, through the tantrums they learn how to deal with big emotions, experiment with regulation, which is still far from consolidated, through the tantrums they learn firsthand, for the first few times, that reality can be frustrating and in life as In life, sometimes it is necessary to show restraint and delay gratification.

But their system is still "in the run-in period" their frontal lobe is not yet developed, their ability for executive functions, problem solving, delaying gratification, self-regulation, delayed reaction is still in its infancy (literally) and our expectation that they will succeed in all these tasks does not correspond with reality.



You can look at this whole idea of ​​early childhood as an "intermediate station" designed to prepare our child to be a separate, complete, thinking and independent person in his own right.



But, this is a learning and development process, one that takes time and contains many situations of trial and error.

And the great paradox is that exactly those situations make the reality of our lives as parents of preschool children intense and abrasive.

Right there when our children meet the world we "lose it" get out of balance and turn to patterns of action that only distance us from a solution: such as appealing to their logic, explaining to them why it is not appropriate, conducting negotiations, trying to instill values ​​and education, offering bribes and in really difficult cases even punish or ignore.



The point is that during the storm, in the midst of the tantrum, our children are not really free to listen to reason, their attention does not absorb educational content and value messages, and they have nothing much to lose - if we go head to head with them, they will only exhaust us more.



So as mentioned, we cannot prevent these tantrums from happening, but we can certainly make them more tolerable if we just change the way we look and the way we think.

Think for a moment what would happen if every time your toddler throws a tantrum you change the way you think as follows:


●Instead of saying to yourself "Wow he has no limits" say - "Wow it must be really hard for him"


●Instead of saying to yourself "He must understand that this is not how you behave They said - "He needs me to help him relax"


●Instead of saying to yourselves "I must not treat him like this" - say "He needs to know that I accept him in any situation" This



way of looking will also change your reactions, the degree of patience and empathy you will feel towards The child who is in a storm and needs a guiding hand and good eyes to convey a message that even in the midst of the storm, he is protected, safe and loved.



Wait with the education for quiet moments, pour out values ​​consistently and systematically throughout the day and while the child is stormy - take a deep breath and remind yourself that every tantrum like this is a stop on the way, it is an opportunity for learning, for strengthening the relationship and for the development of the special person you are raising.



Written by Dana Amer - certified behavior analyst, MA in special education, lecturer and expert in accompanying the family unit.

A crying baby (Photo: ShutterStock)

The Jama application was established with the aim of responding to mothers of babies between the ages of birth and three, and to gather for them content, activities, tips from experts and videos that will accompany them throughout this challenging period.

All the contents in the application "grow" together with the baby and are precisely adjusted to the stages of his development, so that the mothers receive only what is relevant to them and interests them at any given moment.



The Jama app is the place for mothers in Israel to meet and get to know other mothers around them, and to create new and exciting friendships in the fascinating journey.



Search us on Google: https://app.jama.co.il/

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Source: walla

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