Upbringing: Strict parents prevent important, egocentric development of their children

Created: 07/28/2022, 08:00

By: Natalie Hull Drawbar

Many parents teach discipline, consideration, and obedience.

It's actually healthy for children if they're allowed to be selfish from time to time.

The British psychologist and attachment researcher Donald Winnicott (1896-1971) came to this conclusion more than 60 years ago.

He deals intensively with the early, emotional development of the child and coined the terms "true" and "false" self.

He was able to show: for a healthy, childlike self-confidence it is important that the offspring can and is allowed to live out selfish phases.

Strict parents in particular would deny their children this awareness and behavior.

Upbringing: Strict parents prevent important, egocentric development of their children

According to pediatrician Donald Winnicotts, children should also be able to act out egocentric behavior traits for their personality development.

(Iconic image) © Westend61/Imago

There are numerous parenting guides with tips on parenting styles.

So it is not surprising that parents often feel insecure.

Which type of upbringing one is oneself is usually revealed in the course of being a parent, often shaped by one's own childhood experiences.

Many terms and descriptions are now circulating: from helicopter parents who bring up children with behavioral disorders, to lawnmower parents who do their children’s homework and submarine parents to snowplow parents with panicked and overwhelmed children, to panda parents who offer their children opportunities to develop.

For his part, psychologist and attachment researcher Donald Winnicott has already taken a closer look at the strict upbringing of children.

According to

, based on his studies with over 60,000 patients, he was able to determine that many of the psychological difficulties experienced by adult subjects are due to "the fact that they were never allowed to be themselves in their childhood".

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Upbringing: Strict parents should sometimes allow disobedience in their children

According to Winnicott, however, it is important for people to be able to act out egocentric behavior traits in their personal development.

Every child should also be allowed to be wild, loud and disobedient and still feel that they are loved for it and yet unconditionally.

Only in this way could a mentally healthy adult mature.

Today it is even known, according to a study, that a strict upbringing shrinks children's brains.

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