Loneliness in children: Researcher advises parents to talk about feelings

Created: 08/04/2022, 02:00 p.m

By: Judith Brown

Childhood loneliness can have consequences for the offspring well into adulthood.

Especially when parents make the subject taboo.

Loneliness is no longer a foreign concept for many people in the modern world.

The corona pandemic with its contact restrictions and lockdowns has done the rest.

Young people between the ages of 18 and 29 in particular are said to be affected by the feeling.

Most of the time we experience loneliness when there are upheavals or major changes, such as moving to a new city or losing a loved one.

However, feelings of loneliness can have their roots in childhood.

They are often the result of childhood traumata that those affected have to struggle with into adulthood.

It is all the more important that parents are attentive to their children, sense feelings of loneliness and talk to them about feelings.

Because everyone feels lonely from time to time - that's why, according to childhood researcher Prof. Thorsten Herbst, the topic should by no means be made taboo.

Loneliness in children: Researcher advises parents to talk about feelings

Children only develop the ability to perceive themselves and the world independently towards the end of elementary school.

So they can only recognize loneliness when parents name it.

(Iconic image) © Adalberto Rodriguez/IMAGO

According to the course director for applied therapy science at the IB University for Health and Social Affairs, it is important to convey to children that everyone knows the feeling of loneliness.

He therefore warns

not to make it a taboo subject.

Children should be taught to talk openly about feelings of loneliness, otherwise "emotional collateral phenomena" could arise: "Simple example: A child who experiences loneliness by being excluded will also believe that it is a child if this happens several times , with which you can't play very well, which looks stupid, which has ugly shoes.

That is, a stigma is taken and it is made into a self-stigma.”

In children up to the age of five, loneliness manifests itself in the fear of being abandoned by their parents or those closest to them.

Later, it manifests itself, for example, in the form of discrimination, the absence of close friends or only a few, or when children spend too much time on their smartphones.

If basic trust is shaken during this phase and is lost as a result, it will be difficult to rebuild it later.

The little ones therefore need particularly close, familiar and stable relationships in these early years.

In this way, they can protect themselves against chronic feelings of loneliness in adult life and manage to be alone without fear.

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Childhood Loneliness: What Can Parents Do?

According to Herbst, it is important for parents to sense them so that children do not repress their feelings of loneliness.

After all, children only develop the ability to perceive themselves and the world independently towards the end of elementary school.

That is why they only feel this emotion when they are also named by their caregivers such as parents or older siblings.

Parents should therefore ask themselves: "Why do we make this taboo, and with what attitudes or perhaps exercises can we address this phenomenon?"

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The childhood researcher recommends dealing with one's own feelings of loneliness from childhood.

It helps to remember your own childhood and to ask in which situations you felt lonely and which reasons played a role.

In this way, it is possible to explore where childhood feelings of loneliness come from.

This article only contains general information on the respective health topic and is therefore not intended for self-diagnosis, treatment or medication.

In no way does it replace a visit to the doctor.

Unfortunately, our editors are not allowed to answer individual questions about clinical pictures.