Crisis and disaster events, such as the current round of combat in Operation "Dawn", sometimes evoke overwhelming emotions in us, such as anxiety, anger, uncertainty, helplessness and a sense of threat to the sense of basic security and protection.
For some of us, the event may trigger earlier traumatic memories on a similar background and intensify emotional difficulties that existed in the first place.
Most children face crises and overcome them with the help of the significant people in their lives - especially you, the parents.
Children watch their parents and see them as an anchor of security and stability.
In fact, you are your children's mental safety net, and it is important that you equip this space with mental first aid and support skills.
Calm parents = less upset children
When we feel helplessness and panic, we are unable to provide our children with the necessary security, and may even exacerbate their anxiety.
Also through body language and facial expressions, it is important to convey to them that there is a responsible and caring adult standing in front of them, who can and wants to serve as an address for them for consultation, reassurance and assistance.
There is no need to hide your feelings in order to legitimize the child's feelings.
At the same time, it is not recommended to react in an extreme and agitated manner in the presence of the child.
It is advisable to have a conversation with the child in a calm and balanced state as much as possible.
It is natural and understandable that you are also worried and stressed, acute reactions are expected during a crisis and will pass in the course of time.
During an emergency, there are also reactions that may be severe in intensity, but are usually normal reactions to an abnormal situation.
Be tolerant towards yourself and don't beat yourself up if the kids noticed an emotional storm you were in, it just means you are human.
Later, when you are calm, go back to the children and share with them what makes you feel better and check with them what works for them.
Give legitimacy to the children's feelings
Providing emotional assistance during a crisis and emergency situation fulfills several roles.
The first role is to allow children to express their feelings in words, without the need to hide them and without fear of judgment and criticism, to break the barrier of fear and call things by their names.
Another role is to allow troubling questions to be asked and discussed.
Every response must be accepted and allowed without criticism and without judgment, give the child legitimacy to respond to the situation in his own way.
Avoid critical and dismissive responses such as "there is no reason to be afraid".
Remember, the child is afraid because he correctly reads reality.
A dismissive response will actually make him doubt himself and his ability, and at the same time make him doubt your ability to help him.
Allow the children who wish to do so to express their feelings in any way that is convenient for them (oral, written and through drawing, creation and expression).
Every emotion is legitimate and there are no wrong feelings or thoughts.
Show an interest, ask and listen to the answers without looking for solutions and giving advice, just be there.
The usual comfort
Dr. Shiri Daniels, ARAN's professional director, photo: Yossi Zeliger
Make it clear that we are not powerless, and we all have strengths that help us deal with difficult times.
Help the child identify his own coping strengths and sources of support, to strengthen the feeling of protection and the ability to cope.
There are ways to protect ourselves and our loved ones, and it is important to normalize the feelings and say that it is natural to be afraid in situations of uncertainty and that we all need to feel protected and safe.
It can be said that the coming days will not be easy for all of us, and together we will face and overcome.
Maintaining a familiar routine as much as possible promotes a sense of security.
When everyone is huddled in their room consumed by worry, the family-social resource is not utilized for the well-being of all family members.
Controlling information lowers the volume of anxiety
Knowledge reduces anxiety
It is important to adhere to factual and accurate age-appropriate information.
The younger the child, the more basic and shorter the explanation should be.
At a very early age, there is no need to initiate a conversation, and there should be a lot of displays of affection for babies, smiling, caressing and hugging, a soft and pleasant voice give children a sense of protection and belonging.
Prevent exposure of children to anxiety-provoking content in the media, on the Internet, in social networks and in conversations between adults.
It is understandable that you want to stay updated, but do so less frequently and privately.
Pay attention to how you react to the news.
Part of our role as parents includes avoiding statements that convey despair and helplessness.
Be vigilant - be sensitive to signs of distress
Children who show persistent and extreme abnormal reactions should be monitored, and when necessary seek the assistance of professionals.
If you or someone close to you is experiencing severe distress due to the security situation, do not stay alone.
The author is the national professional director of the ARAN association, which provides a life-saving mental first aid service 24/7 anonymously and immediately for any mental distress. For mental assistance call 1201 and on the ARAN website via chat and WhatsApp
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