How to talk to the children about the security situation?
Children are exposed to a lot of information on the networks, and also to the growing stress of us parents, so how can we help them understand this crazy situation we have found ourselves in, again?
An educational psychologist explains
Liat Dotan
07/08/2022
Sunday, August 7, 2022, 4:00 p.m
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When reality is chaotic, parents have a particularly important role.
A woman ran to a shelter (Photo: Reuters)
Operation "Dawn" once again evokes the need to mediate to children our complex security reality, a reality that affects us all and requires preparation and consideration.
The security situation may arouse children's fears and concerns and undermine their sense of security.
Parents have a significant role and the ability to help children cope with the situation and with the flood of information, which the children are exposed to in the media and social networks.
Parents have the ability to strengthen children's sense of security and mental resilience.
Mental resilience is the ability to function again after a difficult event or a situation that changed our reality.
This is an important skill for life, both for children and for us adults that helps the feeling of mental well-being.
Here are some useful tools that will help to talk to the children about the security situation, to calm and strengthen them as much as possible:
1. First of all, try to relax yourself
. Children's interpretation of reality is greatly influenced by what they see in their parents' eyes.
They don't need words, the child's look at the parent's face is enough to feel if the parent is worried or calm, and thus interpret the reality.
Therefore, it is important that your parents' reactions are moderate, calm, and be a model for children on how to deal with situations of stress and distress.
In order for you to be able to support and help the children, it is important that you are aware of the feelings that arise in you.
Create places for you where you receive support and relaxation.
As in the safety instructions on the plane - in an emergency, the adult is instructed to put the oxygen mask first on him and only then on the child, so that he can help him.
Adapt the explanation to the child's age.
A worried child (Photo: ShutterStock)
2. Explain in the clearest way possible
After taking a moment to breathe and relax, explain to the children in clear language adapted to their age what is happening.
Describe the facts to them in an organized, calm and sensitive manner.
Ask them what they know about what is happening, listen to them, to their questions, organize the information and avoid going into unnecessary details.
3. Encourage the children to share their feelings
Give room for the entire range of children's emotions, and convey the message that these feelings are a natural and normal response in a difficult situation.
Validate the feelings, try not to cancel or say "there's nothing to worry about", but "it's really hard and unpleasant that this is happening".
At the same time, convey a safe and empowering message by reminding children of what can help in these situations.
4. Remind the children of their strengths
Help children identify their inner strengths, which will allow them to overcome even when it is difficult.
You can remember together the methods that help them feel better, such as distracting, thinking about pleasant things.
Draw, play with friends, breathe soothing breaths or receive a loving hug from you when they need a boost.
Keep the routine and the sequence of life as much as possible.
Residents in a stairwell (Photo: Reuters)
5. Create certainty, as much as possible
try to give the children as much a sense of certainty and stability as possible within the existing sense of uncertainty.
Maintain the routine and the sequence of life as much as possible, and convey a message of reassurance, such as for example - "We have a strong army and police that protect us, and we the parents protect you."
Remind them of the hope and belief that after the difficult period things will return to their course and routine.
6. Reduce children's exposure to unnecessary information
You should avoid talking over the children's heads and reduce exposure to the media.
At the younger ages it is easy for us to filter the information, with the older children, who are exposed to social networks, we cannot completely prevent the exposure, but we can give them tools to deal with the sights and images.
It is useful to help them understand that although there is no control over the content that arrives, there is control over the duration of the exposure, and that as soon as they recognize that something makes them uncomfortable, they can choose whether to be there or not - for example, change the channel, scroll to the next thing or exit the screen.
Help children raise awareness that exposure may increase unpleasant feelings and fears, which they can moderate and calm.
And if signs of distress are recognized in the child?
Pay attention if the children show signs of distress - some will talk about the stress directly, some will withdraw and some may express the difficulty in behavioral symptoms.
Such situations naturally may trigger behavioral regression.
Remember this is temporary.
Every child has their own way of expressing themselves, it depends on the child's personal style and age.
Especially during this period, it is important to show flexibility, empathy and patience.
In moments of stress, children need the figure of a significant adult, who will contain their emotions and help them organize and regulate their feelings in effective ways.
It can be in words, it can be in a game, a drawing, a story or any creative way you choose.
Expression and sharing reduce the feeling of distress and strengthen the feeling of security and the ability to cope.
If you see symptoms of distress and behaviors such as withdrawal, avoidance of activities, lack of appetite or difficulty sleeping, it is important that you seek advice and help from the various aid agencies that are currently operating, as well as in the educational institutions - to an educator, counselor, psychologist or support factors in the local authority.
Convey to the children the message that they are not alone, that they can always turn to you or the educational teams for help.
Togetherness helps to face and overcome the challenges of the time.
The author is an educational psychologist at the Safe School company, which works to create a safe digital climate for children and youth
health
parenthood
Tags
Operation Dawn
alarms
anxiety
fear