Despite Brad Pitt, this movie is not really cool | Israel today

It is important for me to clarify: I arrived at the movie theater where "The Bullet Train" was screened in an excellent mood and with a strong desire to watch a fun and silly summer movie.

Still, we're already approaching the middle of August, and what have we had so far?

"Love in the Sky 2" (which was great)?

"Thor 4" (which was reasonable)?

The "Minions: The Rise of Gru" (which provided me with an hour and a half of sweet dreamless sleep)?

You will surely agree with me that this is a rather meager and poor offer compared to what we were used to in the years before the Corona virus.  

In any case, despite my love for the genre in which the film operates and despite my boundless affection for the cute Brad Pitt (who stars in the lead role), only 20 minutes were enough for me to understand that salvation will not come from the direction of this dubious "blockbuster".

Mainly because it's a comical and frenetic action movie that sweats buckets in an effort to convince its viewers that it's "cool";

In an exhausting mish mash that is all plagiarisms, homages and references to much more successful films by Quentin Tarantino and Guy Ritchie;

A gibberish that seeks to elegantly and lightly combine the stylish and unrelenting violence of John Wick with the infantile/witty humor of Deadpool, but actually fails in its mission in every way and in every sense.

"The Bullet Train" (based on a bestseller by Kotaro Isuke) takes place on a high-speed train that connects Tokyo to Kyoto and at the center of its plot are a number of professional assassins who encounter each other during a routine work day.

Brad Pitt plays "Ladybug" - a polite, aging exterminator with a doofus hat who is very influenced by the advice his therapist gives him.

Aaron Taylor-Johnson ("Kick Ass") and Brian Tyree Henry ("Atlanta"), on the other hand, are "Lemon" and "Tangerine" - two British killers who escort the wayward son of Japan's underworld king back to his father, which is called the "white death".

Joey King ("The Kissing Booth"), for her part, is "The Prince" - a deadly and mysterious figure with her own agenda (which is gradually revealed).

And of course there are a few more characters that pop up later, so you won't be too bored, God forbid.

Unsuccessful references to Tarantino.

"The Bullet Train",

The main problem with "Bullet Train" is that nothing that happens in it is original, interesting or witty in any way.

The various characters have long, utterly boring conversations with each other about topics like their ridiculous code names, karma, and luck (I'm pretty sure these conversations are supposed to be funny, but you know), and to make matters worse, there's also one character who keeps rambling on about " Thomas Hector".

Without exaggerating, there are perhaps 35 references to this cartoon series, when one reference would have been absolutely enough.

Between conversations there are also beatings, of course, but the height of the film's sophistication comes in the form of a fight that takes place in the quiet carriage of the train.

So between punching and kicking and stabbing there are short pauses of a few seconds in which an old woman with an annoying face tells the batterers "Shhhhhh!", like that with her finger near her mouth.

I burst out laughing.

mere.

Not really.

And so it goes on and on and on, and just when you think it's going to end, it goes on some more.

Brad Pitt and his professional colleagues run up and down the carriages in search of a suitcase full of money, go to blows with each other (without any of the innocent people around to intervene or say anything about it), and tell really terrible jokes.

In the meantime, director David Leitch ("Deadpool 2", "John Wick 1"), who used to be Brad Pitt's stuntman, fills the screen with various distractions - such as unnecessary flashbacks, famous actors popping up for a few seconds' guest appearance, pop songs Sellers who sing in Japanese and more.

At one point he even throws a super venomous snake into the mix (which made me miss the super funny and super bad Snakes on the Plane).

But that doesn't help either.

Apart from one random scene - in which Brad Pitt apologizes to someone who is bleeding to death from her eyes for doing him a favor - nothing in "The Bullet Train" managed to bring even a faint smile to my lips.

A complete waste of time.

And in my life I came to enjoy!

Not bad.

you can't win them all.

At least the air conditioner in the hall did its job properly.

"Bullet Train", USA 2022

Score: 4

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