Flying abroad and the baby stays in Israel? A few things to help deal with feelings of guilt
Many mothers who finally choose to stop and allow themselves to breathe a little and congratulate themselves for all their goodness, love, giving and presence - also pack quite a bit of guilt in their suitcase.
And most of the time, they don't pack them by themselves, sometimes the grandmother or aunt gives them a little more as well
Nega halo conditional, in collaboration with JAMA
08/16/2022
Tuesday, August 16, 2022, 07:22
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Nega Hila Mutana
- parent and family instructor, NLP facilitator, holistic child therapist and marriage counselor, explains to you how to go on vacation without guilt:
so how do you fly without feeling like you're wrong and making a mistake?
1. Let's start by changing your inner speech - pay attention to what you say to yourself.
If you tell yourself that you left him - it will make you feel guilty, but if you tell yourself "I'm going out to ventilate and gather strength" - I believe it will have a different effect on your feeling.
Every objective situation has several interpretations.
Each interpretation will evoke an emotion in you and each emotion will evoke a reaction, this is called the APR model and you can use it by giving a different, more positive, more compassionate interpretation that will also help you feel better about it.
The event is an objective given situation that cannot be changed, a fact It exists. The interpretation is the subjective part that affects the feeling and the reaction as mentioned above. Changing your interpretation is in your control. What you say to yourself.
2. Preparation in advance and repetition of mantras - although toddlers around the age of one and a half cannot yet estimate time, it is important to communicate with them and also to tell them that "Mom is going away for a few days, and she will give you a strong hug that you will feel until I return".
It can also be said for a baby under the age of one and a half, of course.
What's important is that they say and explain, even if they don't understand, it's mainly for us.
When we say it out loud, it also produces an assimilation of the separation process within us and this is a feeling that passes to our baby, the complete and accepting place within us.
3. Creating anchors - it is important to specify who will be and put an emphasis on it.
Grandfather, grandmother, aunt, father.
Mother (if you are flying without your spouse).
It is important to give both you and your child the feeling that you are not leaving them alone.
There is someone who guards and watches over.
4. To give legitimacy and an answer to longing - we may feel longing for each other.
It is very natural.
Every time you miss me - hold this doll, close your eyes and imagine us hugging.
*Of course, the discourse varies between ages.
5. Practice making contact.
While staying abroad, it will be possible to make video calls. Today, with the help of advanced technologies, it is very easy to feel close even when we are thousands of kilometers away. Call from another room in a video call. Both you and your child will experience and feel close. , it will be familiar and practiced and it will be possible to almost feel that you are in the other room.
6. Turn off background noise - some mothers will "raise an eyebrow" when they hear that you are flying without your baby and will touch on exactly the same points that you yourself are unsettled by.
Remember, any criticism you receive from the environment is a reflection of the critic's inner world.
There may be a mother who would like your courage, the ability to let go, to trust someone else to take care of her and she is unable - so she will express to you her difficulty with herself in this aspect, it will come out through criticism.
In the end, each one takes things to herself, imagines herself in your place and from there she speaks.
The point is that she and you are two different women, who think and are built differently.
Therefore, what she thinks about herself is irrelevant to you.
This is just another point of view.
Concentrate on your strengths, knowing that if you do this, it is probably the right decision for you and remember that you are not leaving your baby alone, but in good, responsible hands that will provide for all his needs and allow you to really breathe, ventilate and gather renewed strength to continue.
Dear mother, you give every moment of the day from you to your child.
In presence, in love, in buying things, that nothing is missing, in a hug, in a kind word, in nutrition, in hygiene, in relationship... in parenting there are no breaks, therefore it is important to create for ourselves moments in which we also remember ourselves, so that we can continue to be in real presence for them.
You go to "fill batteries", you do it in a responsible and controlled way.
You leave your children in the hands of people you trust.
You keep in touch at least once a day.
You go to invest in yourself, to fulfill yourself so that you can come back a little different mother, a little more inclusive, a little more calm and relaxed.
And this is exactly the mother your children need and if it means that it comes at the expense of a few days for yourself, I'm sure it's worth it.
Pay attention to what you pack in your suitcase, leave the feelings of guilt at the passport control, it's a shame you'll have to pay for overweight.
A woman packs clothes in a suitcase (Photo: ShutterStock)
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