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Lots of men are sure they'll be single forever. This is the reason (and the way to change it) - voila! health

2022-09-09T17:25:14.902Z


About two-thirds of the users of dating apps today are men, and many of them find it difficult to find the long-awaited match on them, as well as outside. What do we do to change it? We have answers


Lots of men are sure they'll be single forever.

Here's why (and how to change it)

About two-thirds of the users of dating apps today are men, and many of them have difficulty finding the long-awaited match on them, and in the real world as well.

What do we do to change it?

We have answers

Maor Muigar

09/09/2022

Friday, September 9, 2022, 4:58 p.m. Updated: 8:10 p.m.

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Lots of men today are sure they will be single forever.

Here's why (and how to change it)

Who wants a relationship?

A man in a dating app (Photo: ShutterStock, Kaspars Grinvalds)

If it seems to you that more and more men around you live alone and find it difficult to maintain a normal relationship - this is not only your personal feeling, it is also supported by official data.

In October 2021, a study was published that identified a dramatic increase in the proportion of men aged 25 to 54 living without any romantic relationship.

According to these data, in 1990 the rate of singles in these age groups was 29 percent, while in 2019 the figure jumped to 38 percent.



These data were collected in the United States, and it is possible that in Israel such an examination will look different.

However, many psychologists from around the world point to the same trend, warning that today's men feel more lonely and isolated than ever before.

This difficult feeling also emerges from the testimonies of many men who indicate a significant difficulty in finding a relationship and a fear of being single forever.

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In an article published by psychologist Greg Matthews in Psychology Today magazine, he claimed that there are three significant factors that produce this difficulty.



Dating apps

: In 2015, an interesting study was published according to which no less than two-thirds of the users of dating apps around the world are men.

The study examined the usage data of the leading applications in 32 countries around the world.

Matthews claims that in this reality, "women feel overwhelmed by all the options before them. Thus, the competition for men is tougher and their chance of meeting the object of their dreams is rarer than ever."



courting abilities

: Just before you explain to all the stressed-out aunties that you are single because of the ratio between men and women on apps, you should also examine the way you communicate with those who do choose to dedicate their time to you.

"Emotional connection is the lifeblood of a healthy and long-term relationship, and it's something that many families don't teach their young sons."

According to him, women on dating platforms receive a lot of requests from men all the time.

Therefore, their expectations may be higher and their standards rise accordingly.

"Women prefer men who are emotionally available, who know how to communicate and share similar values ​​with them," Matheus added.

emotionally available?

Leonardo DiCaprio (Photo: Giphy)

Unresolved mental challenges

: We all have challenges that we face and as you probably know, any relationship or even a simple date has a tendency to overwhelm and intensify these challenges.

In Matthews's view, men who don't do the inner work to address these challenges will have a harder time managing long-term relationships.

In addition, he emphasizes that "to succeed in finding love, you need to respect your ideas and values ​​enough to be able to communicate them effectively. You need to know how to create intimacy, romance and emotional connection."

Will "hypermasculine assertiveness" help break down the barriers?

Loneliness is not just an unpleasant feeling.

In fact, it can affect health in many aspects and one study even warns that it increases the risk of death by about 26 percent.

So it is true that loneliness can be felt even within a relationship.

It is also true that not all singles are unhappy and there are many who prefer to be alone rather than in a relationship that is not right for them, but for all those who are still looking for the love of their soul - there are many things that can be done to improve the chances, despite the pessimistic data.



While Matthews places most of the blame on apps and men's courting abilities, there are other experts who point to a much deeper problem that is important to consider - the upbringing we've all received.

Dr. John Moore is a psychologist, counselor, and author. In a similar article he wrote for PsychCentral he presented some interesting insights of his own on the subject.



"So many men learn from a young age that in order to be a 'man', you must not show weakness. Some of us cannot lift ourselves up when we suffer from depression or anxiety, because we do not want to be perceived as weak (...) Men are afraid that they will be judged because of toxic male structures."

According to him, this thing affects not only romantic relationships, but also the cultivation of friendships.

In this context, he told about a middle-aged man who came to him for treatment and said he didn't have a single friend.

"To be real friends and not 'brothers', we have to be vulnerable and share feelings - and that's just not something guys do."

Gave up the macho role.

George and Amal Clooney (Photo: GettyImages)

Assertiveness, he emphasizes, is not a bad quality, and it is actually very important for success in life on all levels, but according to him, he recommends that many men focus on cultivating "hypermasculine assertiveness", which is not expressed in loudness, aggressiveness and toughness, but in deep confidence that can also be expressed Quietly, inclusively and courageously deal with complex emotions.



In general, many experts seem to agree on one thing - the traditional "masculinity" that was so dominant throughout most of human history is still so prevalent in our perceptions today.

But in the new world, it creates much more difficulty and frustration for men than before.

In a reality where women value honesty, openness and the expression of feelings - it is important that men also not be afraid to cultivate different aspects of themselves that may have been seen as "unmanly" in the past, but today will definitely add many points to them in the race to find love.

  • health

  • psychology

Tags

  • a relationship

  • Love

  • Tinder

  • loneliness

  • men

Source: walla

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