All families look happy on Instagram.
Is this the reality?
Social networks have become an integral part of our lives - we know what is happening in the lives of others and also enjoy sharing ours.
But does the reality we see there actually harm us?
Nega halo condition, in collaboration with JAMA
09/18/2022
Sunday, September 18, 2022, 08:22
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Most often a happy story is chosen to tell.
It doesn't matter if we're after a sleepless night, or if we've had a fight with our spouse and even if our two-year-old daughter just had a tantrum - we usually choose to smile at the camera, in our most flattering pose, and tell the world that "everything with us is just wonderful".
How much of this is true and accurate?
It is not clear.
In real life there are other emotions, even less pleasant ones such as: pain, sadness, frustration, shame, difficulty and more - which we sometimes choose to display less.
In the picture we usually choose to show how happy we are and how well we feel.
We will seize the moment to see it and then the smile will sometimes fall because we will return to the more accurate reality.
We will paint a picture for our environment that everything is good and wonderful, and we will feel inside ourselves sometimes completely differently.
Which may create dissonance within us - a feeling of discomfort, of a gap and also of disconnection from ourselves and who we really are.
Because we learned to focus outward instead of inward, showing and telling a story to the world that doesn't necessarily line up with my authentic story.
It is simply the story that is convenient to tell and also convenient for the environment to absorb.
Another aspect of the matter is that in addition to the same gap we experience within us, it is also possible for another parent to see how much all families enjoy life and their children, in a place where he is not successful - he may feel a sense of failure and missing out.
When you are exposed to pictures of happiness and joy of the whole family vacationing together abroad, and everything looks wonderful and shiny, no one will tell you that a moment ago one of the children was lying on the sidewalk in the street because you did not allow him ice cream or an expensive toy from the souvenir shop and you felt really embarrassed, or that just when you came going out for a night out, suddenly the middle one remembered that she had to go to the bathroom, and then, when you finally got to the restaurant, the kids couldn't find anything to eat and didn't allow you to enjoy yourself, not to mention that they kept asking "when are you coming" all the way until you arrived.
It's true that this is just one scenario and I'm sure there are situations In them everything flows and is great and the pictures do tell the truth, but sometimes they don't, at least not everything and we still want to show how good and perfect we had it, when inside we don't always feel that way.
Today there are groups that allow telling even the less pleasant truth, which produces solidarity, identification and laughter, but not all of us are willing to do so.
It's just seen as less sexy to complain that you're having a hard time and most of the time we'd like to be part of the people who really show off all the good the world has to offer.
There is something about the energies of it - that is much more pleasant and you don't want to be the one to ruin it.
What activates us in some cases, is some kind of social satisfaction and standard that has been assimilated into us as a society - to show the happy and the shiny, which as mentioned may create a dissonance between reality and my inner experience.
You have to remember that even all the people who are well off have challenges along the way, they just choose not to show it.
My recommendation to you is to remember that the story is not necessarily THE WHOLE STORY, it is usually one part that does not always represent the full picture.
Maybe it's a real moment, and maybe it's a potential moment of longing.
But it is only a small part that they chose to show.
There is always something else going on around, it's our choice what to show.
We frame what we want to pass on and sometimes it also helps us deal with what didn't flow and we had fun.
It's okay if you feel jealous and it's okay if it makes you laugh and it's okay even if you can't produce such moments yourself, even if only for the photo.
It does not mean that you failed or missed, it means that you simply live the moment authentically and experience what it overwhelms you, even if it is less pleasant.
It is important that we be aware of what triggers us to create a perfect image of reality and also that we take a limited guarantee when we see perfect images of others.
When we focus on our authentic moments and deal less with comparisons - we can feel much more complete with our reality.
Be in the moment of truth, in fun, in joy, in frustration and in difficulty, and when you feel that there is a real and authentic moment that you want to remember and record - stop and take a spontaneous photo so that you remember that this moment really was and not faked just to be part of a social standard that says - "You should be happy and happy and desirable all the time, especially with your children and especially on family vacations."
In reality, there are both moments of frustration and moments of happiness, the choice is yours - what to focus on and what to show to the world, just make sure with yourself - that you also feel this way inside.
Nega Hila Mutana
, parent and family instructor, NLP facilitator, holistic child therapist and relationship counselor
A mother and a baby lie on the floor and take a selfie (Photo: ShutterStock)
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