Does the holiday season make you depressed?
You're not alone
The eve of the holiday overwhelms many people with severe feelings of pressure, stress and anxiety and above all - a feeling that they are alone in this matter.
An expert explains what can be done to alleviate the difficult feelings and above all - why it is so important to be kind and forgiving to ourselves now and in general
Rachel Man
09/22/2022
Thursday, September 22, 2022, 07:01 Updated: 08:41
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Happy holiday?
Not sure.
Two apples (one rotten) (Photo: ShutterStock)
As the holiday season approaches, the words "Happy Holidays" are heard around us with increasing frequency.
For some of us it is indeed a happy time, but many people feel pressure, tension, anguish and even anxiety before the family gathering around the holiday table.
The symbolic gathering at the beginning of the year often evokes a kind of personal soul-searching and confronts us with the goals we set for ourselves in the past year, with unresolved family dynamics and with the inevitable comparison to other family members.
The advertisements in the media also do their part: the polished images in the advertisements show photogenic families, smiling children in white clothes, and impossible models that further emphasize the gap between the fantasy and the complex, and very unglamorous, reality of most families.
A personal soul-searching
The eve of the holiday, especially when it comes to Rosh Hashanah, is a kind of landmark that makes us examine our achievements throughout the year and sometimes also compare ourselves to others.
Where am I from a marital, occupational, financial point of view?
Did I succeed in the tasks I set for myself?
And where are the other girls and family members compared to me?
The family gathering sharpens the differences, and the natural tendency is to focus on what is missing.
It is important to be aware and understand our feelings in the situation, recognize our weaknesses and humanity, understand that our feelings are legitimate and behave towards ourselves with compassion and forgiveness.
It's okay to be different, look different, act different.
It is important that we look at ourselves with compassion and kind eyes, understand that it is okay to regret what we don't have, and at the same time try to see what we have.
Acknowledge our weaknesses and humanity and treat ourselves with compassion and forgiveness.
Gif of a sad woman (Photo: Giphy)
A transitional period
Rosh Hashanah symbolizes a new beginning, energies of change and renewal, but sometimes some changes require adaptation.
Sometimes, precisely in this period we will feel stuck: the months progress, the year changes, while with us everything stands still.
Remember that this is a transitional season, and it too will soon pass.
Humans will naturally adapt, and eventually we will all return to normal.
You should use the opportunity to set new goals for yourself or determine future anchors that will take us out of the feeling of being stuck, such as traveling abroad, starting a new course or developing an interesting hobby.
when the difficulty overwhelms
Feelings of stress and depression leading up to the holiday are common among many people, but for some of us they take over our daily lives, impair normal functioning and go beyond the limits of the specific event on the eve of the holiday.
In such cases, professional psychological support can be used.
Therapy may help us understand the situation and "break down" our feelings: what does the mental stress come from?
Is it related to a particular person, or to a particular event that happened in the past?
Maybe something in the family dynamic makes it difficult for me?
Maybe the criticism is actually mine towards myself and not the environment?
And maybe it's best for me not to come on the eve of the holiday - and why?
All questions and doubts can be raised during treatment.
The treatment may also help in setting appropriate boundaries, since within the situation of the family meeting we have many choices (with whom to come, when to come, what to answer and what not to...).
Alone on holiday?
You do not have
Just as there are those who are anxious about meeting their family, there are those who are anxious about not having a family to celebrate with.
People whose life circumstances have led them to loneliness may feel severe distress on the eve of the holiday and during it.
In such cases, you can also try to find an alternative that will allow you to pass the holiday pleasantly and even happily:
• Volunteer at a holiday dinner for the elderly or the indigent
• Go on a fun trip in Israel or abroad
• Join the holiday table of friends or neighbors
• Spend time at home with a good movie or Binge series, takeaway and a glass of wine
and most importantly - don't give in to the feeling of victimhood. The holiday will pass, and with it the gloom.
Remember that each and every one of us chooses our own point of view. It is possible to wallow in gloom and refuse to accept the reality of our lives, and it is possible to accept the situation with understanding , hope for more beautiful days and remember that everything is temporary, life is dynamic, and at any given moment things can change.
Racheli Man is a clinical attorney and psychotherapist, Ela Center for Coping with Loss
health
psychology
Tags
New Year
loneliness
anxiety