The singles' favorite time of the year has arrived, and with it the annoying questions from the aunties: "Well, when will you get married?", "Why are you single at your advanced age? I got married at the age of 14."

Rosh Hashanah in particular brings soul-searching, and many singles sink into unpleasant thoughts during the holidays.

We're here to help, with some suggestions you can start implementing right away.

You're not alone.

19% of Israelis are single

The rate of singles between the ages of 30 and 49 in the US has more than tripled in the last five decades, with us the number has more than doubled, and stands at 19% of the total population. But why is it so difficult to find a stable relationship for life? After all, thanks to dating apps, we have literally In the palm of your hand, a huge selection of partners, a lot of accessible information about potential candidates, the possibility to create a smart match according to preferences and features, and the ability to make instant contact - all this discreetly from home. The problem is that, paradoxically, as the popularity of the apps increases - creating a long-term relationship becomes a task More complex. No wonder studies predict that singleness rates will only continue to rise and 25% of young people today will never form a long-term relationship.

From my experience with thousands of couples in my 25 years of work, beyond being an evolutionary mechanism for reproduction, a true and mature relationship consists of commitment, friendship, listening, giving, mutual help, encouragement, words of love and appreciation, passion and the ability for physical and emotional intimacy.

Of course, committing to a long-term relationship is a kind of gamble, after all, you never really know if and to what extent it is right and suitable for us in the long run.

Alone again at the family meal, photo: INTER IKEA SYSTEM

Although the dilemma has always existed and in all cultures, today new dramatic barriers have been created to create a relationship, when individualism, human freedom and achievement are at the center.

They are expressed in expanding and deepening education, in addiction to work and money, and of course in strengthening the status of women and their occupational and financial independence.

As a result, we invest attention first in education and career advancement and only then in relationships, because of the belief that if we are of higher quality, we will increase the demand and even get a better partner.

Social networks make the situation worse.

They produce in our minds a great variety of stimuli at a dizzying pace, which pose new challenges in the relationship, and are loaded with "self-advertisement" in order to create interest and jealousy among the "friends".

The constant pursuit of likes and followers makes it difficult to find a true relationship, because it sets extremely high standards: perfect appearance ("beautiful and thin"), perfect happiness, perfect profession.

The constant pursuit of "perfection" widens the expectation gap between what is desired ("I also want to be this perfect") and what is found.

Often, the vast selection is perceived as endless and sticks us in a constant dilemma of choice, which can cause emotional flooding and negatively affect behaviors and decisions.

Get out into the real world.

Dating app, photo: Getty Images

The illusion of endless availability gives a feeling that our social life is rich and varied, and therefore there are endless dating options.

The problem is that many times, it's just a feeling.

In my work I am impressed by many young people whose social life is very limited.

They can be eloquent on the keyboard and in any other indirect communication, but when it comes to practicing dating - they fail to make eye contact or have a frontal conversation without cynicism, mocking, belittling the other and experiencing rapid boredom.

My recommendation is to get to know yourself in depth and be aware of your strengths, but also your challenges.

And in general, it is better to know in reality and less through apps.

If you have already found someone through the Internet, avoid unnecessary correspondence with others, go to the phone and then to a physical meeting.

Finally, remember that there is a real person standing in front of you - give him a chance with all your heart.

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