The holiday season is upon us and with it the big family meals at the parents' or mother-in-law's.

This is a real project for many couples, who often find themselves arguing about where they will stay, how they will divide the holiday meals, and how to deal with the sarcastic comments of the mothers-in-law or parents.

These are difficulties and a lot of stress that often drive us all crazy, and turn the holidays from a happy time to a very tense time.

This difficulty does not at all surprise Dr. Ronit Sharon, director of the Relationships Institute for Individual and Couple Therapy and a lecturer at the Hebrew University, with whom we spoke before the holidays on the subject, and we received advice from her on how to get through this period peacefully. Leggett in the rabbinate compared to normal times," she tells us, raising our general anxiety level.

In an attempt to regulate the pulse, she brings a number of tips that will help us get through the holidays in peace, with the main insight being: "Plan everything in advance, and don't be impulsive. Go down in planning to the level of the smallest details, and even if you explode from something, take a deep breath and leave the anger until after the holidays ".

Dr. Ronit Sharon, photo: courtesy of the photographer

Dr. Sharon's advice for maintaining a relationship:

Patience

- the first rule is to know that this is a stressful time with a lot of tension in the air.

This is not the time to decide on dramatic steps, especially such as divorce.

Wait until after the holidays, take a breath and rethink your course after all the stress and tension of the holidays is off you.

Coordination of expectations and organization in advance

- you will build the plan for the holiday together, and determine in each part of the holiday with whom you will be staying.

Make an orderly schedule for all the days of the holiday. Also find out from your partner what his sensitivities are, what his expectations are, and what the difficulty points are. Also, summarize every detail in advance and determine who does it, so that everything is known in advance. This includes shopping, cooking, division of roles such as Reduces bitterness and crises.

Staying together or splitting up?

A married couple celebrates the holiday together and does not split up.

Of course, you have to consistently maintain order, with whom you stay each time, so that each of the parents of the couple will enjoy it and the children.

Of course, if it's unmarried couples, you can split up and celebrate separately.

For spouses who have divorced and have children together, and need to arrange the holiday accordingly.

The visitation arrangements established by the court must be respected, and in any case each of the parties will enjoy the children and the family, without unnecessary tensions.

It is recommended to plan everything in advance, so that everything works as it should.

Regarding a joint meal, if there is an atmosphere of respect between the parties, and without negative feelings, it is possible to sit at one table, while defining clear rules and considering the other.

Straighten the lines with the family before the holiday meal

- don't come to the meal when you are in a fight with your aunt or someone is angry with you.

Try to compromise and reconcile with everyone.

Also, it is especially important not to create tension during the holiday itself - do not complain excessively about the parents, neither yours, nor your partner's.

Gifts

- We have blessed our spouse.

It is especially important during the holidays to stop, to say thank you for the relationship and for what he has done for you.

Buy a personalized gift and show him that you appreciate his investment.

Don't forget to buy a gift for your mother-in-law.

If you didn't like the gift - you can always exchange it, but make sure to express your appreciation for the investment and intention.

Don't fight

- fights are a part of life and a way to release anger, but during the holiday the fights often leave scratches in the soul, and hard feelings.

Try to count to ten, and avoid fighting as much as possible.

If you still fought, try to end the day with reconciliation.

If you said words out of place, apologize to your partner and set the record straight.

Plan your financial expenses

- the holidays call for a lot of spending on gifts, vacations, etc.

Plan the budget in advance for every gift and expense, and make sure your partner is aware of the budget framework.

Try to consult each other and listen.

Airing

out - talk to each other, set a specific time when you go out with friends to air out, or just go for a leisurely walk around the neighborhood without interruptions.

Personal time apart may benefit you and reduce tensions.

Also take care of couple time alone, without the children and guests or friends.

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