There is nothing to do: the cases in which you should put up with the fact that your child is just like that
It's very tempting to think that you can make it easier on yourself if you just teach your child to behave differently, but sometimes you just have to accept who they are
Daniel Saranetsky, in collaboration with JAMA
02/10/2022
Sunday, 02 October 2022, 07:22
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The web is full of "first aid" articles for parents who face challenges in the daily routine with their children.
There are many professionals who offer solutions, tips and advice, if you just apply them one by one you can achieve what you wanted so much.
This ranges from the area of sleep - children who need help putting themselves to sleep, waking up a lot at night or too early in the morning, and other behavioral and emotional areas - children who have more difficulty in social situations, adapting to new places, persevering in class and so on.
If you feel that you've tried everything, gone through all the steps, paid money to the best experts and still the reality hasn't changed, it might be time to just accept it: your child is like this, right now, and there's not much you can do about it.
Acceptance is not despair or surrender, but a correct way to deal with a difficult situation instead of continuing to struggle with it.
So in what cases is it possible, at least temporarily, to accept your child without trying to change yourself and him?
When they challenge you with sleep
Babies' and children's sleep concerns almost every parent, regardless of who they are.
Everyone encounters difficulties around sleep - multiple awakenings at night even when the child is no longer a baby, difficulties in falling asleep and a physical need for your presence during it, waking up too early in the morning and much more.
There is no doubt that it is difficult to wake up too early in the morning (early in the morning, one should say) regularly with a child who wakes up the rooster or hold his hand, at best, in the evening until he is able to fall asleep.
So at first you read, you consulted, you waited for him to grow up a bit to try different theories that you learned about.
You went to bed later, you went to bed earlier, you only made sure to caress and repeat mantras in a quiet voice, you darkened the whole house at seven in the evening, but... nothing helped.
Even if you persevered and did all the steps - it just didn't work.
He wakes up at the same time, he always wakes up at night looking for you, etc.
Take a breath and accept the "model" you received.
Maybe it will change in the future, I wish, but for now just stop with the experiments.
When faced with social challenges
do you feel that your child tends to shyness in social events?
Do you often give up to other children, for example in line for a swing in the garden?
Prefer that you stay with him on birthdays, classes and more?
Even if you try to empower him, make him feel confident, teach him how to approach a multitude of social situations - he may just be like that.
There are children who deal more easily with other children around them, there are those whose reaction will be more influenced by a variety of reasons.
In any case, even if you are not the most satisfied with how your child behaves in such cases - do not stress and do not stress.
Accept him as he is, keep giving him reinforcements and maybe later it will be easier for him.
Even if not - that's really okay.
When their taste is different from yours
At some point this stage comes, especially with girls, who show a preference for their clothing and you discover that it is really, really, not like your taste.
They love shimmering pink dresses and you are generally deep in the shades of the movement and the earth.
White parents may also, of course, find themselves faced with preferences different from their own, whether
in clothing or in games or leisure time activities.
It's hard, because you wanted your child to want the same thing as you, but children have their own personalities and you should learn to accept that.
You can of course share your taste with them, offer some of the things you prefer, but definitely get a different preference.
When their temperament does not match yours
Do you have an active child who does not like to rest, not even for a moment?
So gather a lot of strength.
If your energies do not match his energies, you will have to enable, not suppress, his needs.
He may need a lot of movement, running in space and extreme, which does not match your relaxed vibe.
So what do we actually do?
We listen to his needs and encourage them - whether it's a sports class, movement and contact activities, or sharing the energy expenditure with the other parent.
Oh yes, and sleep a lot.
As many good people have already said, with children everything is changeable, but nevertheless it is better to accept certain situations instead of fighting them.
Things you got used to yesterday can change in a week, for better or for worse, and you should show flexibility and inclusion so that you can live more in harmony with your child and his personality.
Where you have the opportunity - try to influence, and if it doesn't work - leave with understanding.
Many parents in front of their son (Photo: ShutterStock)
The Jama application was established with the aim of responding to mothers of babies between the ages of birth and three, and to gather for them content, activities, tips from experts and videos that will accompany them throughout this challenging period.
All the content in the application "grows" together with the baby and is precisely adapted to the stages of his development, so that the mothers receive only what is relevant to them and interests them at any given moment.
The Jama app is the place for mothers in Israel to meet and get to know other mothers around them, and to create new and exciting friendships in the fascinating journey.
Search us on Google: https://app.jama.co.il/
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