Everything a mother on maternity leave needs, and from you - the guide for the new father

While you are at the office or in meetings, your partner, who is on maternity leave, is faced with countless tasks and a particularly demanding boss.

How can you support her?

Daniel Saranetsky, in collaboration with JAMA

06/10/2022

Thursday, 06 October 2022, 07:22

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You probably agree that 10 minutes in your house, recently joined by a newborn, is enough to realize that sitting side by side with a cocktail (or anything that reminds you of a vacation) is really not close to what happens there.

You must also have heard some discussion about whether it is appropriate to call maternity leave a "vacation".

In any case, the situation is that you have a new baby at home and a partner who stayed to take care of him and did not return to the place where she worked before the birth.

What about you?

Your life has changed, no doubt.

The nights are no longer nights, the tasks pile up and you come home to the second shift, which sometimes seems to connect to the first shift of before and after.

Still, your life is more or less back on track.

You go to a workplace, meet older people, talk to them about older people's issues, can eat without fear of crying that will jump you and also go to the toilet quietly.

Your body didn't swell and then strain or tear or cut to make a human puppy out of it, the clothes you wore just a few months ago still fit you and you look in the mirror and recognize yourself,

The one who does face all of this is your partner, the one with whom you dreamed and created your new family.

The chores, the tasks, the hormones, the loose abdominal muscles and also the loss of self in a certain place - all these accompany her every day, hour by hour, since the baby was born.

Don't get me wrong, she wanted it just like you, and there may be moments when she is elated, in love and also happy.

But the difficulty?

He is completely present at every moment of her maternity leave.

So where do you actually come into the picture?

Here are some things that will make you think differently about what you thought you already knew, regarding what a mother needs on maternity leave, from you: take the

Yes, she is with the baby most of the day, so she knows him well and recognizes his needs.

She will be able to tell you if now, in her opinion, he is tired or uncomfortable in this position, but don't necessarily expect to receive tasks and instructions from her.

When you come home after a day of work, she wants for a moment to be a person without authority and responsibility.

This is your time to deal with your baby, learn it yourself, decide and also make mistakes.

If you think he is tired - try to put him to sleep.

If he squirms and moves uncomfortably - find a way to relieve him.

Of course it is possible and desirable to talk and consult, but you should also find the ways to deal with it yourself.

A mother on maternity leave needs to get stronger, certainly in the first weeks after giving birth.

Even if it's less of your responsibility at the moment, make sure the fridge is full and even take care of prepared food.

Ask her during the day if she remembered to eat and drink and even order a delivery for her if you didn't have time to prepare or just to indulge in something extra.

Beyond the health and nutritional concern, it is simply a moment of real attention.

true that she didn't get up in the morning, get organized and go to the office.

It is true that she is at home all day.

But you can be sure that she didn't rest for a moment, and even if she did - she really needed that rest.

Don't expect her to tidy, clean or cook in any free time.

Of course, if she feels like it and it works out for her - great.

Instead, ask her where you can help, what tasks she needs you to take over or outsource (maybe all of them at some point, and it should be completely understandable).

It can be in a look, in a short conversation about a topic other than the baby, inquiring how her day went, pouring you a glass of wine, inviting the grandparents to watch the baby so you can have an hour away from home.

Give her a moment or two of just the two of you so that she can feel that she is not only his mother, but also his partner.

not only couple time is important, but also her time with herself.

Give your partner enough time to exercise, meet friends, apply nail polish or visit the beautician or barber.

She owes it to her sanity.

It's hard to avoid bookkeeping once a baby is born, and in life with children in general.

The work around them never ends, the tasks are exhausting and everyone wants some rest.

Maybe later on it's okay to grumble and resent the excess of tasks, but at the beginning of maternity leave, use less "but I showered him yesterday and the day before", and more "maybe you shower and I'll get up with him the first time I wake up".

Obviously, you also have to juggle taking care of the baby and your work (and life itself), but you should approach it together, coordinate expectations and not come from a place of complaint but from thinking about how the operation can be successful in the best way.

Your life has also been shaken up since the new baby joined, and you may also experience feelings and sensations that you did not know: stress, impatience (which is almost always accompanied by extreme fatigue), a sense of victimhood, and more.

It is important that you give space to everything that overwhelms you and find your place in the new routine.

Healthy communication with your partner will allow room for the challenges of both of you within the new family you have created and will create a good basis for its existence.

A father with a small baby (Photo: ShutterStock)

The Jama application was established with the aim of responding to mothers of babies between the ages of birth and three, and to gather for them content, activities, tips from experts and videos that will accompany them throughout this challenging period.

All the content in the application "grows" together with the baby and is precisely adapted to the stages of his development, so that the mothers receive only what is relevant to them and interests them at any given moment.

The Jama app is the place for mothers in Israel to meet and get to know other mothers around them, and to create new and exciting friendships in the fascinating journey.

Search us on Google: https://app.jama.co.il/

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