November 25 will be the International Day of the Fight for the Prevention of Violence against Women.

Since the outbreak of the Corona epidemic, we have witnessed another significant increase in cases of violence in the family in general and against women in particular.

The ongoing lockdown, anxiety experiences, feelings of uncertainty and difficult economic conditions intensified violent behaviors, putting many more families at risk.

According to the women's lobby in Israel, more than 200 thousand women in Israel are affected by violence every year, and many professionals believe that the number is much higher, because many women are afraid to tell and report the violence.

It is also worth noting that since the beginning of 2022, 21 women have been murdered by their partner.

Violence cuts across sectors (illustration), photo: Getty Images

"Do not know what to do"

Hodia (pseudonym), a 30-year-old educated woman, is a teacher by profession with a good financial situation, who came to the institute for treatment.

According to her, she and her partner are considered an exemplary couple: "Whoever looks around can't believe it, but something about the murders of women is so shocking and makes me think that what is happening in my house is also not normal."

Her husband, she shares, tells her not to tell people what's going on between them.

"Slowly I realize that I don't have any friends left. I am also required to account for all my expenses. Sometimes I feel confused and scared, and I don't know what to do."

After an initial contact was established and trust was established between us, I asked Hodia to tell me more about the acts of violence.

"I do not suffer from violence because I am not physically beaten," she said.

She said that her husband demands that she not tell others what is happening between them, that he is not happy with any of her friends and that recently the contact with the family has started to decrease.

Does Hodia suffer violence from her partner?

Definitely yes.

She suffers from several dimensions of violence, including emotional violence (which is very dangerous), economic violence and social violence.

It is important to know: violence between spouses can manifest itself in several dimensions - physical, emotional, sexual, social, economic and spiritual.

Patterns of behavior can include threats, experiences of terror, fear, verbal and physical humiliation, surveillance, harassment, social isolation, denial of control over economic resources, rape, sexual assault, physical assault, attempted murder - and of course murder situations.

Violence against women crosses sectors, classes and socio-economic and socio-demographic situations.

Physical violence is not the only violence that can be suffered in a relationship, photo: Gettyimages

So how will you recognize that you are in a violent relationship?

1.

Find out with yourself if your partner is trying to reduce or reduce to a minimum your social connections.

Does he criticize every friend or company you are friends with?

Are you banned from being in contact with friends from years gone by?

Is he obsessed with you and makes extreme jealous scenes about every friend?

Are you subject to sanctions and punishments when you continue to meet with a friend that you were asked by your partner not to be in contact with?

All these can indicate social violence.

2.

find out for yourself what the means of communication are at home and what the fights between you look like.

Does the exchange include swearing, intimidation campaigns, experiences of ongoing terror and verbal humiliation?

During an argument, do you say belittling phrases such as "You are not worth it", "You are zero", "Who would want you anyway?"

Is the nature of things offensive, humiliating and degrading?

Such exchanges and sentences indicate verbal violence.

Emotional violence also includes a two-faced relationship, in which the partner presents himself in public in a different way than at home, and a deceptive relationship in which one moment everything is fine and the next, usually for no apparent reason, life becomes hell?

3.

Be aware that sexual violence includes any attempt by a son or to force himself on you - yes, even if you have been married for many years.

Remember - it is permissible not to consent to sexual relations and the other party has no right to force marital relations on you if you do not wish for it.

The other family members can also suffer from violence.

Residence for women suffering from violence (archive), photo: Efrat Eshel

4.

check with yourself, are you obligated to account for every shekel you spend?

Are you deprived of rights to buy personal things for yourself and children?

Find out, are you consistently hiding things from your partner, including basic food products and clothing that you bought for yourself and your children?

Ask yourself, are you afraid to tell that you bought something and are punishments and threats applied when the very purchase is discovered?

If so, you are suffering from financial violence.

5.

Many women in the religious society suffer from spiritual violence, this is when the harm to them takes place on a religious and spiritual basis.

Spiritual violence can include preventing the lighting of candles on Shabbat, having forced conjugal relations during nida, lowering the value of prayer and preventing conversion to the Shabbat table.

In many cases, women will not admit that they are suffering from spiritual violence, but today there is more and more awareness that the very denial of the right to observe the mitzvot is spiritual violence.

6.

This is the most recognized dimension, because it is visible and easy for the environment to detect.

But it turns out that besides the painful and repeated blows, there are other dimensions to physical violence.

Be aware that damage to property, vandalism, throwing objects on the wall and the floor, damage to things (clothing details, tools and just objects that are important to you) are also evidence of physical violence and do not ignore them.

Ignoring causes the problem to worsen, and in extreme situations - to murder in the family.

Any woman can experience violence of any kind (illustration),

so what are we doing?

Don't stand back.

There is always something to do, and the phenomenon of violence must be eradicated.

When we understand and/or know about someone who suffers from violence, our moral obligation as professionals, neighbors and friends is to encourage the woman to contact the police in order to file a complaint, to contact a welfare worker at the social services office and violence prevention centers, and in extreme situations also to shelters for battered women.

We will emphasize that it is not legally possible to remove a woman from her home, or take steps, without active cooperation on her part, but we can always offer help, support, hug and encourage, and try to help a woman get out of the cycle of violence - and save her life. 

Any woman suffering from domestic violence can call the following emergency lines:

Israel Police: 100

The national hotline for reporting domestic violence: 118

Moked Noamat: *9201

Moked Witzo: *3980

Dr. Ronit Sharon is a lecturer at the Hebrew University. She directs a relationship institute for couple and individual therapy with branches nationwide.

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