For happily ever after you have to work.
Illustration of a couple hugging (Photo: ShutterStock)
Every relationship has its own unique characteristics, but there are also some general characteristics that make for a good relationship.
Rules that if we know how to keep or adopt them, our life at home will be better and more pleasant.
From all these characteristics I have chosen the ten that in my experience seem the most significant to me.
If I forgot something, I hope you will forgive me, also knowing how to forgive is an important rule in good relationships.
1. Respect the other side.
Always
what does it mean to respect?
Do not underestimate even in difficult moments, do not throw harsh words into the air even when you have no air.
Speak nicely to the other party in front of the children.
Hard words are hard to forget, and this also permeates future communication and after they have been completed.
Harsh words spoken between you seep into the children and infect them with this type of discourse.
It is allowed to fight, to shout, to be offended, to be angry, but to maintain the dignity of your partner in the midst of all this.
So many times I come across sentences like "but he said that..." or she threw that...", about things that were said many months ago and sometimes even years ago. These words that we throw out of a storm of spirits can be behind us within a few hours, But within our partner they may live for a very long time and harm the quality of the relationship.
2. Don't mess with your partner outside
, it's your partner.
You are together both in good times and in bad times.
It is permissible to vent outside the difficulties you are experiencing in your relationship with someone you trust, but it is not allowed to dirty the man you chose to live with and take him out.
A relationship is a team, it's us against the world, our strength is together.
If you go against a member of your group you weaken it.
3. Lift each other
up so many marital relationships are built on battles and struggles, on frictions where there is a winner and a loser.
Relationship is not war.
In a relationship, even if we are on the winning side, we actually lose.
Not only should we not weaken our partner, but it is important that we strengthen him.
Especially in times when he needs it most, but not only.
Hug, support, be there for him.
throw in a good word.
It is important to remember: when we strengthen a teammate we strengthen the team.
4. Respecting boundaries
even in a relationship is important to set clear boundaries of what is allowed and what is prohibited, according to the needs of both parties.
Don't continue if your partner says "enough", don't do it if your partner says "no".
Knock on the door before entering personal space, ask if it is possible to enter, and if it does not suit the other party then respect it.
In many relationships there is one side that crosses boundaries and another side that groans in front of it and gives in.
It is forbidden to pry into the other party's phone, it is forbidden to decide for the other party with whom he or she is allowed to meet, it is forbidden to forbid the other party from doing something that makes him feel good.
It is important to give the other side space - personal space in a relationship gives us air and strength.
5. To see the good on the other side,
how easy it is to see the flaws.
For most of us seeing the flaws comes easily, we look at our partner and they immediately pop into our head.
The trick is to be able to see the good things in him or her.
When we manage to see the advantages instead of the disadvantages we are able to talk with more patience, smile more, feel good together.
It also allows us to throw in a kind word every now and then in a natural way.
Everyone (almost) has good.
Try to put the focus on it.
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Spouses lying back to back in bed (Photo: ShutterStock)
6. To say what we want
. A lot of people expect their partner to understand on their own what they are going through.
He or she knows us so well, so they should know that now we are angry about x or shut down because of y.
Here is an important insight: our partner does not know how to read our minds, even if we have been together for quite a few years.
Do you have any crush on him or her?
Schedule a call and explain yourself.
In this way, you will give your partner a chance to understand what you are going through and maybe also give an answer to it.
7. Confront when necessary
In many relationships there is a party that tries to avoid conflicts as much as possible.
The result is a whirlwind of giving up on ourselves.
If we don't know how to stand up for ourselves then we can't get what we want.
And that's how we enter a dance of anger and frustration and disappointment that damage our relationship even more.
Therefore, if you recognize a tendency in you not to get into conflicts and simply give up what you want, the main thing is to have peace at home, you should remember that this keeps you away from inner peace.
And when there is no inner peace you will find a way to frustrate the other party and flood him with the unhappiness you feel.
So if you are one of those who find it difficult to get into a confrontation, do yourself a favor and find a way to overcome it.
8. Let things pass
in many relationships one of the partners likes to talk about what is not working in the relationship.
Loves to talk means digging, sometimes non-stop, day after day.
It's exhausting, it tires the other side and it forces us to constantly talk about what doesn't work between us.
Sometimes it would be better to leave it for a few days and see what happens.
Has the anger subsided by itself or are we still charged.
If it still activates us, then talk about it, and if not, then thank the Creator of the world for removing the pain from our hearts and move on.
Sometimes letting go and letting things pass is the best medicine.
9. Eat together
It may seem trivial, but this is an important rule for a good relationship.
Eating together is a kind of ritual where we bond over small talk about da and ha.
Just sitting together allows us to be present to each other.
You can share about things that are happening at work, you can talk about the children or about a new idea for home or life, you can consult.
Making time to eat together accustoms us to quality time as a couple where we enter a calm and non-judgmental space.
In order to adopt such a habit over time, it is recommended not to introduce difficulties from the relationship into this ceremony.
Think of it as a meditation, a time to ventilate from the daily activity.
It doesn't have to be every day, but it does have to be at least once a week.
You can do it at home or in a cafe, the main thing is to sit together and be.
10. Dream together
Think of glue.
There is normal glue and there is strong glue.
One of the strongest glues for a relationship, the one that can connect two bodies over time, is shared dreams for the future.
In the present we are busy with our day to day life with all their tasks and challenges.
But if we know how to make plans together for the future, we rise above the current difficulty and soar to realms of shared joy, of excitement.
It could be a family trip for a meaningful trip, it could be what we do with the time we have free when we retire, or maybe a remarriage ceremony.
Each joint future plan connects us in more layers to our relationship and allows us a clear inner knowledge that we are together for ever.
And there are 3 other important bench players
Give room for personal expression:
yes, we are together.
Yes, doing things together is important.
But a good relationship must allow each party to develop separately.
This way we can fertilize each other and enrich our marital discourse.
Acknowledging gratitude and saying thank you:
one of the essential problems in a long relationship is accepting the other party for granted.
We get used to the actions of the other party and naturally forget to thank him or her for the good things he or she brings to our shared home.
Seeing the other party's actions and acknowledging it out loud does the other party good.
And good brings good.
Knowing how to ask for forgiveness:
we all make mistakes.
Being able to see our mistakes and ask for forgiveness for our side of the story can bring us closer to our partner and make him also admit his mistake.
It brings us closer to each other.
Note that this is not a person who asks for forgiveness out of self-denial or out of fear.
Asking for forgiveness is sometimes powerful.
These are personal sayings according to my experience, they are not the Sinaitic Torah and one can add and subtract from them according to his own experience and according to his needs.
But in general, if we make sure to live and apply them, our married life will be more successful.
Gili Weintraub is an emotional therapist and creates a couple therapy approach in half
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