Who among us would not want her children to be the best friends in the world?
Every mother hopes that the relationship between the siblings at home will be ideal, but sometimes the reality is a little less rosy.
The children fight, bully each other, tease and tease and - you are at a loss: is it right to intervene?
Liraz Sena Or
, a social worker, parent instructor and workshop leader, offers several ways to deal with rivalry between children:
do not judge
, do not determine who started it, who is at fault, who is the offending party and who is the victim.
You think you know how the fight started and what is each child's part in the incident, but in reality you only see the tip of the iceberg.
Maybe hours or days earlier there was teasing, insults, teasing from one side and the fight you just saw is just the reaction?
Instead of saying "why are you bullying me", say: "I don't know which of you started it, but I love you both equally".
Maybe you didn't know it, but when you judge who is right and who is wrong, you break the balance in the relationship between the children.
When you intervene, you (unintentionally) further weaken the weak child and send him the wrong message that he cannot manage on his own, that he depends on you and your protection and this may also affect him in social situations outside the family.
Find the moment to pave communication between the children
after the quarrel is over and the children have calmed down (and you too) sit down and talk.
"Let's think about how we can behave differently", "How next time you won't argue about the same thing again" or "What can you do next time instead of kidnapping/beating your brother".
Let the children be partners and come up with a variety of options and alternative courses of action.
A child who manages to find a solution to a fight with his brother will feel valuable and his sense of ability will be strengthened, which will later lead to a reduction in fights.
It is possible for them to express their feelings
In fights, children experience a variety of strong emotions such as: anger, jealousy, insult, competitiveness and vulnerability.
An emotion that has not been adequately expressed or addressed may intensify and lead to emotional flooding.
Therefore, it is important that the children express and share their feelings.
This will create a good infrastructure for the continued development of a benevolent relationship that is being built along the way.
At the same time, work on their formation,
create proactive family meetings of family time together and plan in advance, perhaps with the children's participation, what activity they choose to do.
Together you will spend time, play, eat your favorite food.
In this way, the children will learn not to be only against each other, but will earn an enjoyable time with each other - something that will bring them closer and consolidate them and the whole family.
Remember, good comes out of quarrels
The family is the social field where children learn to deal with differences of opinion, stand up for themselves and express their will.
They learn to negotiate, resolve conflicts, bridge as well as give up, be considerate, flexible and reconcile.
All these are important skills for success in life.
When many siblings practice building interpersonal relationships and acquire tools that will be used throughout their lives.
Many brothers (Photo: ShutterStock)
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