At a good time you are celebrating a new pregnancy, and this time, unlike the previous pregnancy, you have another issue to consider: how do you tell the child at home that a little brother is about to be born to him?
and when?
Marina Shinkarvski
, facilitator for parents in the play approach, brings up some important points that will help you decide when it is right for you to tell:
Toddlers and children's perception of time is different from that of an adult - so is their degree of patience.
The more mature and bigger the child, the easier it will be for him to wait for the birth.
Children feel - they mainly perceive non-verbal messages: body language, behavior that changes, tone of voice.
I mean, there's a good chance they'll sense something is going on, even without you telling them.
So... when to tell?
Some mothers believe that they should wait with the news until they see the belly, or until after the first examination, which will confirm that everything is fine and the pregnancy is developing as it should.
Do you have to wait until the belly appears?
Not necessarily.
You may not see that you are pregnant at all and you don't feel tired, but children have a wonderful ability to feel you.
Tell me when you are ready to talk about it, answer questions and share the experience.
Do not try to hide if you feel a change in the child's behavior, and try to avoid creating a situation where he hears your background conversations with grandma or the kindergarten teacher, but he is not clear on what exactly is happening.
There is no one time when it is "right" to tell - it is a mix between your feeling and your parental approach, and the age of the child, his maturity and his perception of the other things you tell him.
Don't be afraid to tell "too early".
Believe in your child that he will know how to cope, and show him that you will be there to help digest the new situation, together.
The more you share the experience with the child and help him feel part of the matter, the more you will buy him confidence, teach him about sharing and openness and help him digest the change that is to come.
How will you help the child wait so long?
When telling young children, it's best to stick to something tangible like the seasons or holidays that are close to the estimated date.
For example, if you are expecting to give birth in May, you can say that the baby will come out after Pesach, so first you will celebrate Hanukkah together, then Tu of Shabbat and then Purim and only then will Passover come, or you can emphasize that the baby will be born when the weather warms up, and a little after we change into short clothes.
How to tell?
The "how" is just as important (and maybe even more important) than the "when".
Talk to the child at eye level, use a tangible and simple explanation.
Much more important than the words you say, is what you transmit - hug the child a lot, trust him, share with him, let him touch his stomach, answer the questions, even the smallest or strange ones (with a short and focused answer), talk about the subject in a calm and light tone with a smile.
Just be there, with him, in the experience and trying to understand together what is happening to you.
You can turn the story about the pregnancy into a game and an experience.
Show the child an ultrasound picture of him when he was in your belly or a picture of you pregnant with him, talk about babies born to friends, draw together a picture of a mother with a belly and a baby in the face hugging the big brother - even the most basic drawing will work, once you describe what is in the picture.
What to expect after you tell?
Children can not react at all, can be angry or excited, and most likely will experience all of these together.
So before you react or expect a certain reaction, let us give you a mantra - "everything is legitimate".
If the child is already talking, give a name to his feelings.
For example, "I understand that it can be a little scary", "I see that it excites you" etc.
If you give the feelings a name - it will be easier for him to deal with them in preparation for the expected birth.
A toddler hugs his pregnant mother (Photo: ShutterStock)
The Jama application was established with the aim of responding to mothers of babies between the ages of birth and three, and to gather for them content, activities, tips from experts and videos that will accompany them throughout this challenging period.
All the content in the application "grows" together with the baby and is precisely adapted to the stages of his development, so that the mothers receive only what is relevant to them and interests them at any given moment.
The Jama app is the place for mothers in Israel to meet and get to know other mothers around them, and to create new and exciting friendships in the fascinating journey.
Search us on Google: https://app.jama.co.il/
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