Iván wanted to be a father and did not have a partner, so he decided to adopt alone.
Pilar and Ismael, on the other hand, have never wanted children.
Silvia and Noelia have always dreamed of it, they got married and there are now four of them at home.
Valle and Enrique have a son together, despite the fact that they have never had a romantic relationship.
The days are long gone when in Spain there was only one family model and everything that got out of there was socially reprehensible.
In recent decades, the country has experienced intense change and family diversity has made its way.
Despite the changes in recent years, the only legislation at the state level on the matter is that of large families.
Now, the family law raises the legal recognition of family diversity.
The draft will soon reach the Council of Ministers in first reading.
It could be Tuesday, according to sources from the Ministry of Social Rights.
There have been several delays in the approval of this rule, the last two weeks ago, when the eve of the Council of Ministers fell off the agenda, after Justice asked for more time to review some aspects of the text.
The draft to which this newspaper had access, which may have undergone some changes, covers "family relationships derived from marriage or stable cohabitation in the couple, filiation and families formed by a single parent" with children.
The bulk of the measures of the law are, therefore, aimed at married couples, unmarried couples that have been established as such in a registry and single-parent families.
Without there being any discrimination based on their sex, orientation, sexual or gender identity, ethnic origin, disability, age... It recognizes, in addition to initiatives for all these households, that certain family situations deserve special protection.
Among them, LGTBI families, reconstituted (when one of the members of the couple has children from a previous relationship),
A reality that 50 years ago was unthinkable.
"The heterosexual nuclear family model is undermined, the way in which we relate affectively and intimately has modified the forms of coexistence, a change that has accelerated in the last 20 years," says the professor of Sociology of Families at the University of A Coruña Raquel Martínez-Buján.
Six families tell their story here.
Valle and Enrique, two friends who had a child
Enrique Graciani and Valle Rico, with their son Oliver in a photo from the family archive.
Valle Rico and Enrique Graciani are friends and have a son.
They met at the age of 14, they had the same tastes and wanted to be parents, although conventional family models did not fit their idea of the future.
Now, 50 years old, they live in a large two-story house in Aranjuez, in the south of the Community of Madrid;
she in one, with her current partner, and he in the other.
His son Oliver, who is seven years old, is the bridge that unites both spaces: "Possibility settled on its own, it was a desire that arose in both of them."
“Oliver is our common routine.
Valle has one, I have another”, explains Enrique, who works at the Aranjuez City Council.
For the rest, they follow the
modus operandi
from any other family.
They take turns taking him to school, to do extracurricular activities, they go on excursions, eat together and pull relatives when they need it.
"He is a very happy, healthy and receptive child, who has this totally integrated rhythm of life," says the mother.
"That allows us to have time for ourselves too," he supports.
The friends and closest environment of both received the news with enthusiasm and felt supported, although it took Enrique's mother years to assimilate it.
"Now, great," says the father.
“Although the concept of family has evolved, it is still highly ideological.
But reality prevails”, says Valle.
In 1976, the year following Franco's death, barely 2% of children were born out of wedlock, the average age at childbearing was 28.6 years, and that of those who got married was 25.8.
In 2020, almost half of the births were to children with parents who were not married, the average age of maternity was 32.6 and that of those who went through the altar (or the court, town hall or notary) rose at 38.1.
That of "until death do us part" has already been left behind.
The way of forming a couple has changed, there are open, polyamorous relationships, people get divorced and get married again, to have children.
Although the nuclear couple, that is, that of two parents with children, is still the most common, they no longer have to be mom and dad.
There are two moms.
Two potatoes.
And also many other formulas.
Valle, who is a university professor, thinks that the new generations understand fatherhood and motherhood in a different way.
Her friend agrees: "The vision of the family that part of society has is expanding, it is more adjusted to the realities of people and that generates palpable happiness."
For both, the path is enriching.
“Not everything is good, not everything is bad.
You learn,” says Valle.
Oliver grows up “without questioning anything”.
Silvia and Noelia: "We always dreamed of being mothers"
Silvia Tostado and her wife, Noelia Velarde, on Thursday with their children, Julia and Javier, in Miajadas (Cáceres). ROBERTO PALOMO
Silvia Tostado, 40, and Noelia Velarde, 46, have been a couple for 11 years. "We always dreamed of being mothers, from the very beginning," they say.
They soon began the assisted reproduction process and decided to get married.
“We did it because it was a requirement and for activism.
We didn't want anyone to take away our right to be together and have a family”, recalls Silvia.
Currently, at the time of birth, the filiation of children in couples of women who are not married is not allowed, the only option is adoption, something that both the family law and the law known as trans law plan to
modify
.
Now, both form a household of four, with Julia, nine years old, and Javier, five.
First Noelia, who is a teacher, got pregnant, and then Silvia, an international cooperation technician.
They live in Miajadas, a municipality of Cáceres with 9,503 inhabitants, which has provided them with a support network.
"We feel covered," they both say.
Silvia remembers with special affection the reaction of her grandmothers: "They were proud and they loved their great-grandchildren madly."
“One might think that they might be suspicious, being older people, but in our case there was no reluctance at all,” she says.
"Julia is aware that she has two mothers, a model that is not the majority, but she also knows that she has grandparents, cousins and uncles like any other boy or girl", explains Silvia.
She still has to deal with forms that talk about "dad and mom" and they have to cross out and correct.
They have also had to deal with bad experiences from time to time.
“In the kindergarten, we asked them to address our family model, and a teacher told us that she had an obligation to defend traditional homes,” she adds.
But most of the time they have found support, both emphasize.
Beatriz and Eric: "At school they ask them if they are real brothers"
The country has turned around not only in terms of family, but also demographic-reproductive, says Diana Marre, professor of Anthropology at the Autonomous University of Barcelona.
“In 1975, Spain had one of the highest fertility rates in Europe;
in 1995, the lowest.
Meanwhile, what happened?
In practically 10 years, most of the regulations and laws that had to do with the reproductive situation and their impact on the family were modified.
In 1978 the use of contraceptives was decriminalized, in 1981 divorce was approved, in 1985 the voluntary interruption of pregnancy was allowed and in 1988 the first assisted reproduction law was approved.
Marre adds that, "subsequently [in 2005], the law of equal marriage arrived, and that between 1997 and 2004 Spain became the second country in the world with the most international adoptions."
Beatriz Piñeiro and Eric Nieves, on Friday with their children in the garden of their house in Torrent (Valencia). Mònica Torres
Beatriz Piñeiro, 35, affirms that "people think that reconstituting a family is not going to end well."
When she met her husband, Eric Nieves, 47, she already had a six-month-old son, who is not related to her biological father.
He, three daughters already of legal age.
Now, the couple awaits the birth of their third child together.
In total there will be nine.
"The economy is the worst, trying to balance everything so that it arrives and is extremely complicated," says her mother, who is an administrator in a company.
Eric works from what comes out, mainly as a painter.
For them, balancing work schedules and at home is also an odyssey.
"At first they told us that it would go wrong, that he was going to get tired because he had already raised his girls... But look at us, we've had a great time," he adds.
The two live with their three youngest children in Torrent (Valencia), and two of Eric's daughters have already become independent in a nearby town.
The third is in Venezuela, where Eric is from.
“The little ones have support, they love to be
With the children and with each other we help each other a lot to be able to organize ourselves”, explains Beatriz.
"In the school environment, since they do not share the first surname, they are often asked if they are real siblings," explains Beatriz.
"If we had the chip changed and we knew that there are families of all kinds, there are questions that we would not ask."
Although the beginning was not easy, now her friends and family are more convinced, seeing that both parents do a lot for her.
Beatriz assures that her children are growing "normal, happy and without prejudice".
“Everything is shown in children, we have done well,” she says.
Pilar and Ismael: “No one is waiting for us at home.
Let's go free"
Pilar Herráez and Ismael Herrero, on Friday in Coslada (Madrid).
santi burgos
Pilar Herráez and her husband, Ismael Herrero, have known each other for more than 20 years and live in Alcalá de Henares (Madrid).
"We've been together for almost a lifetime," says Pilar excitedly.
More than 10 years ago, they both decided that they did not want to be parents.
"We lived enjoying ourselves and traveling, we thought that one day that instinct of paternity would arrive," she says.
But it did not arrive.
Until one day, she remembers, they asked themselves the question of whether they wanted to have children: “We decided no.
It was not difficult for us because we had already been enjoying the role of uncles and we knew the responsibility that it implied.
We were pretty clear about it."
Remember that when they told their families they were respectful.
Although she assures, still surprised, that there is no shortage of questions and even opinions from strangers.
"Once they told us that a couple without children is like a garden without flowers and they asked us: 'Who will take care of them when they grow up,'" she now recalls with humor.
Both have focused on meeting their professional goals.
Pilar, 51, is
a coach
and accompanies other women, both those who want to be mothers and have not succeeded, as well as others who do not want to have children.
Her husband, 52, is the technological director of a company in Madrid.
In free time, Pilar says that they make plans as they go.
"If we feel like it, we take a walk through the center, if we want to go to London the following month, we square up and go," she continues.
“We don't plan much because we don't have anyone waiting for us at home.
Let's go free, ”she adds with a laugh.
Other times they go out with other couples of friends who do have children.
“We are a family that enjoys together”, relates this couple.
"We complement each other and we realized that we didn't need that supposed joy that only children give," they conclude.
Iván: "Years ago it was unthinkable that a gay man would have children"
Iván Hernán Saiz and his son Ping, in their apartment in Alcorcón (Madrid), on Thursday. Olmo Calvo
Iván Hernán Saiz did not have a partner, but he was clear that he wanted to be a father and he was not willing to postpone his decision.
At 38 years old, he decided to adopt.
"Years ago it was unthinkable that a gay man would have children in his care, now it is possible due to years of fighting for equality," he claims.
So he went for it.
Ping, who is of Chinese origin and was born in the Community of Madrid, came into Iván's life when he was barely 15 months old.
His father remembers that day as "wonderful."
"Imagine, something you've been waiting for your whole life and suddenly it materializes," he says excitedly.
The adoption process took two and a half years, a time filled with interviews and paperwork, but it was worth it.
Iván, who is a nurse, says that the most difficult thing is being able to combine professional life with the needs of the child.
For this reason, he appreciates the "unconditional support" of his parents.
“Sometimes they give me a hand and go to pick up my son,” he says.
Solo breeding is tricky.
If it weren't for the family help, he would have to hire a person, and with a single salary, being able to cover household expenses would be difficult.
Single-parent families, in fact, are more exposed to the risk of poverty or social exclusion.
More than half are in this situation, almost twice as many as the general population.
Iván and Ping live in Alcorcón (Madrid).
The boy, who was born deaf, can hear thanks to two cochlear implants.
The first years were "a bit hard," recalls his father, but with hearing and language therapies, the advances were significant.
He is now eight years old and Iván boasts that he is "the one who reads best in class."
The vast majority of single-parent families are headed by women.
He says that many times he has been asked about the mother of his son.
"When I took her passport months ago, a police officer told me that it was impossible for her not to have a mother," he recalls.
“Our families need equity,” he stresses.
All the experts consulted highlight that in Spain there is a high tolerance for family diversity, something that is corroborated by the six families in this story.
Luis Ayuso, Professor of Sociology at the University of Malaga, stresses that, at the same time, the role of the family continues to be central: "It is the most valued institution in the surveys."
The fact that it took longer in other countries to accept family diversity and here faster is due, in his opinion, mainly to three reasons: "Since the eighties, family behaviors are considered something private, before it was a matter public and socially controlled;
there has been a process of individualization, a phenomenon that occurs throughout Europe, before the family was the union of two lineages, now it becomes the union of two people,
and the family is understood more and more as an emotional unit”.
"We must add more factors, such as women's work outside the home, globalization, and the eroticization of daily life, the erotic, the sexual, which was traditionally taboo in family life, is now more present than ever ", Add.
Olvido and José María: "Before I felt we were weird, not anymore"
Olvido Macías and José María Rabaneda, with their four children in a photo from the family archive.
Olvido Macías always wanted to adopt.
As soon as she and José María Rabaneda got married, it was clear to them.
Now there are six: the two of them and four children, two biological and two adopted, between the ages of 18 and 26.
Balancing family life and each other's schedules has always been the most difficult thing for them, but Olvido assures that they make a good team.
For her daughter Vera, who came to Spain from China when she was 11 months old, it is not the most complicated: "People tend to assume that my parents are Chinese, and I always have to clarify that my parents are Spanish and that my culture is the Spanish".
Olvido and José María, aged 62 and 57, are journalists and have lived in Majadahonda (Madrid) all their lives.
They were the first in their environment to adopt.
“It made me very angry when they told me: 'But you already have a biological daughter' or 'How well you do!'.
Before, I had the feeling that we were weird, but now I don't feel any of that anymore," she says.
The family traveled to China a few years ago so that Vera and her brother could better connect with their origins.
“You have to get involved, do everything possible as an adoptive parent, because sometimes they need help.
For the rest, one more child, without more”, clarifies the mother.
Vera is not asked much about being a large family, despite the fact that "when they see four brothers instead of three, people are more surprised."
Even so, the young woman thinks that she still has a lot to normalize: "We are increasingly accepting all kinds of families, but we could go a little faster."
For Olvido, however, the panorama has changed, and a lot.
“Sometimes a little fast.
But it is my children and the young people who accept everything and give us parents a push to accept other types of family ”, she concludes.
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