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Are you considering a divorce? The tip that may change your life Israel today

2022-12-28T13:32:45.590Z


Fights, dilemmas and day-to-day difficulties can be resolved by working on the right things • So how can you avoid the high percentage of divorcees? • The marriage counselor explains


In the State of Israel in 2019, an alarming statistic was recorded according to which every third couple in the country gets divorced.

According to the data of the Central Bureau of Statistics, there is an alarming increase in the number of divorcees in recent years, which makes us ask - is the institution of marriage becoming less relevant over the years?

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There are quite a few reasons for attrition, such as the changes in lifestyle, the ease of breaking conventions, the proliferation of new frameworks for what is defined as a modern family, the demand for quick gratification among members of the younger generation, and the main issue, which probably connects all the reasons together - marital communication.

This is a whole theory that each couple builds as they see fit, and it is a significant component in a relationship, which directly affects the couple's chance of overcoming the statistics - and staying happily married.

Marital communication is important, photo: Getty Images

The lack of understanding of the importance of communication within a marital relationship is a significant basis for the decision to break up the house.

The high figure indicates a relative ease that prevailed in recent years, in this significant decision, and there is no real attempt to "update a version" of the relationship.

On the side of the couples who decide on divorce, there are also many couples who live their lives out of frustration, resentment and not knowing how to change their situation.

Some of them even create the belief for themselves, that this is how the relationship is conducted over the years for "everyone", in the sense of a comforting perception and in the absence of sufficient understanding.

Their attrition may only add them to the circle of statistics, mainly because they do not have the tools and rules required in a marital communication framework to create the right platform to maintain a correct, respectful and loving relationship based on sharing.

This is poor thinking and perception of their situation.

Most of the time, each and every one sees things as individuals and not as a couple, which leads to a wrong analysis of interests, and especially to a poor interpretation that leads to crises.

This creates a situation where their entire decision-making process is based on a narrow, self-interested and egoistic view.

Interpretation can change the image for the better (illustration), photo: Getty Images

An ongoing crisis

For them, many couples are in crisis, not as a result of a dramatic event such as a financial collapse or a serious betrayal, but as a result of a misunderstanding and a wrong analysis of their problems.

They know how to say that they fight over every little thing, but don't know how to put their finger on the reason.

In many cases, they conduct a couple's conversation, assuming in advance what the partner will say about them and not giving him a chance to express himself.

Such an interpretation is a product of the communication problem that exists among many couples, a lack of interaction and self-expression.

Many couples do not regularly hold conversations with their partner, thus creating gaps in their knowledge and misconceptions, which increases anger, frustration and dissatisfaction, which may later create physical and mental distance.

Common problems

In many studies it was found that couples report problems in various areas, from verbal and physical abuse, to conflicts based on personality traits and behavior patterns and problems in the division of housework.

Men and women also report dissatisfaction due to possessiveness, mood swings, aggressiveness or sexual indifference, and more.

As we have already mentioned, the main problem is marital communication, as well as unrealistic expectations from the spouse and power struggles between them.

When dealing with the issue of communication, we seek to emphasize the essential elements such as the sharing of feelings in an authentic way, the definition of personal needs - also in the sexual aspect, and the way of managing communication between the couple, which can dictate the entire essence of the relationship.

Pay attention to expectations (illustration), photo: Getty Images

Healthy communication?

Correct and healthy marital communication is based on our ability to define for ourselves what our desires and needs are as an individual and as a couple.

We must know and understand our spouse, support him and know his sensitivities, as well as his needs.

We must not create conditions where at the end of the day we find ourselves conducting an exchange transaction rather than a considerate partnership.

It is important to remember all the time: a relationship is the result of a relationship between two people.

You + I = We.

How do you improve?

Marital communication is based on our ability to raise any issue and any problem for sharing and conversation with our partner, and to reach a solution and agreement that will be acceptable to both parties from the marital perspective.

As soon as a couple arrives for treatment, and there is a conversation and understanding about the elements of couple communication, the possibility opens up to see the couple in a different way, which will bring the couple to a more realistic perception and the possibility to change the behavior, which is the most difficult part of the process.

Change begins with awareness and the desire to succeed.

It requires the ability to internalize and understand the couple's vision, which must exist in such a way that the sum of the whole is greater than its parts.

The change must mainly take place over time.

When these elements are understood, explained and become part of the perception of the relationship, it will be possible to look optimistically at the relationship, and believe that the couple will not enter the statistics of divorcing couples.

The writer is a counselor and a couple and personal therapist

The desire for positive change can change the situation (illustration), photo: Thinkstock Photos

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Source: israelhayom

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