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Mazel Tov! A new brother joins the family - voila! health

2023-01-01T08:09:41.835Z


When a baby is born, the whole family reorganizes and it doesn't matter if it's the first, second or third child, the time is stormy, exciting and shaking


So alongside all the preparations, stories, pictures and explanations, your eldest child will have to meet his new reality and it is different from any story and beyond any imagination, and more than that it is a reality that is not going to change.

That is why it is important to adjust your expectations to the adjustment process that is going to overwhelm the family, in which everyone will have to move a little from their safe place and find their place again.



So here are some golden tips for the addition of a new sibling to the family:



Make room for less good days - in fact, you can look at the expansion of the family from the eyes of the eldest child as a process of parting.

The reality and the world he knew until now is changing before his eyes, his safe family is growing into something new and the understanding that change is permanent begins to seep in.

This understanding also involves sadness, sorrow and disappointment and as much as the big emotions of small children can confuse us, it is important to give them space, to accept their worst days as well.



State the obvious - there is something startling about the new change, the eldest who until now was the little one suddenly seems big to us, and the thing is that this is a process that is also happening with him - a feeling that his place is being undermined.

So no matter how clear and trivial things are to us, it is important to address the "elephant in the room" our children need to hear the obvious - "I am always your mother and you are always my child..."



Emphasize what is permanent and does not change - the feeling of the eldest child is that the world as who knew him changed and the reality is unpredictable.

This can be very frightening to small children, so our job is to constantly remind them of the things that have not changed.

to help and maintain as much as possible their regular routines, to connect and emphasize the familiar anchors of their day and their world, whether it's the bedtime story, grandma's visit or dinner.



Understand changes in behavior - our young children do not know how to say they are scared, explain that they are frustrated and recognize that they are sad - they just act it.

Therefore, during periods of change, it is common to encounter new or renewed behaviors, more irritability and aggressiveness, less cooperation, more whining, clinging and difficulty in parting, and sometimes also a return to behavior patterns that have already disappeared such as wetting, returning to a pacifier or transitional objects.



It is important to remember that they don't actually do it, there is no manipulation or malice here, alongside the behavior shows there is a child whose sense of security and belonging is shaken.

Such an attitude will return you to the leading role, don't get confused - be generous with pampering and attention during this period - it won't "go to his head".



Look for and find the good intentions - the family change gives rise to a lot of curiosity on the part of the eldest child and a lot of desire to help and connect.

After all, he was told that the new brother would be his friend, and that doesn't really happen in the first few months, and therefore also gives rise to a lot of disappointment.

So even if the big one is not careful, maybe a little aggressive towards the little one, he is not doing it maliciously, he is not ripe for responsibility and absolute caution - it is our job to fight, to find where he can help, influence and bring value.

Maybe choose the socks to wear today for the little one, maybe sing him a lullaby, mix the milk, they need this sense of value and will jump at the opportunity to help.



Maintain a connection and connection - make sure to strengthen the connection, this does not have to be expressed at a specific time, but rather in the simple, unplanned moments in which you will remember that he is still your baby and always will be.

Go to the cradle, cover, tickle and smile, sing along and hold hands, whisper words of love in his ear preferably before he asks for it himself - let him rest and relax safely in your loving hands and give the family puzzle time to reconnect.



Written by

Dana

Amer - certified behavior analyst, MA in special education, lecturer and expert in accompanying the family unit.

A mother with two children (Photo: ShutterStock)

The Jama application was established with the aim of responding to mothers of babies between the ages of birth and three, and to gather for them content, activities, tips from experts and videos that will accompany them throughout this challenging period.

All the content in the application "grows" together with the baby and is precisely adapted to the stages of his development, so that the mothers receive only what is relevant to them and interests them at any given moment.



The Jama app is the place for mothers in Israel to meet and get to know other mothers around them, and to create new and exciting friendships in the fascinating journey.



Search us on Google: https://app.jama.co.il/

Dana said, in collaboration with JAMA

  • health

  • New parents

Tags

  • Children

  • parents

Source: walla

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