If we were eager to turn the page of 2022, we must admit, today we lack a little inspiration to write down our traditional resolutions for the year.
Should we exceptionally abandon this habit?
On the contrary, retorts Michel Lejoyeux, professor of psychiatry and addictology at the University of Paris-VII.
"Regardless of the situation, the change of year is always a good opportunity to put in place favorable behavior and promote its rebirth", assures the author of a book devoted to this theme (1).
You still have to formulate them well.
Overview of the most common errors.
Read alsoThe secrets of optimists to stay positive
Confuse wish and resolution
By reading the many surveys devoted to the subject, we find recurring resolutions year after year: play sports, lose weight, save money or even quit smoking.
As laudable as they are, these intentions remain very vague, and therefore difficult to apply.
“This desire for improvement pushes us to imagine projections of ourselves that do not correspond to a principle of reality, underlines Marie Robert, philosopher, creator of Montessori schools and author of
Le Voyage de Pénélope, an odyssey of thought.
(2).
On the contrary, we must give them real meaning.”
“When you say “I want to lose weight”, you are expressing a wish and not a resolution, nuance the professor of psychiatry Michel Lejoyeux.
If we want it to work, we will rather ask ourselves "How do I change my diet?", "What makes me fat?"
and we will try to target, for example, these harmful moments of letting go of food.
“Each resolution is interesting because it underlines a desire, summarizes Marie Robert.
But what do we really want?
What is the reason behind this impulse to play sports?
Is it to feel in better shape or to respond to a canon of beauty?
Read also“Streak running”: is it effective to run every day?
Set long-term goals
If you docilely follow the program set out for the first few months, everything then quickly collapses like a house of cards and you can already be heard saying "damn for damn..." while taking yet another chouquette.
“The resolution only works if it is effective in the hours or a few days that follow it, advances Michel Lejoyeux.
Short-term goals will yield more results.”
For example, if you want to quit smoking, you will then commit yourself according to your own terms, defined beforehand, to reduce your tobacco consumption by the end of the week.
In video, tobacco: mistakes to avoid when quitting smoking
Forget the context
Resolutions seem all the more difficult to formulate in the face of a paralyzing situation like the one we have experienced with the Covid-19 pandemic.
In times of lockdowns and health restrictions, aspirations to travel, or even more sadly to find a dream job, had to be scaled back to avoid disappointment.
"We must make our resolutions more modest and adapted to the context", recommends Michel Lejoyeux.
"Micro-actions allow us to be actors on a daily basis and not to wrongly inflict frustration on ourselves", adds the philosopher Marie Robert.
The resolution must be a progress made in benevolence and not in threat
Michel lejoyeux, professor of psychiatry
Adopt the "all or nothing" mode
Very often, when stating our objectives for the year, we use very radical verbs such as “have to”, “force”, “force ourselves”.
"There is nothing worse than making resolutions in an absolutive context," says the professor of psychiatry.
We must communicate in a positive way: the resolution must be a progress made in benevolence and not in threat.
And if we crack, what to do?
“Above all, do not feel guilty, it is not serious, reassures Marie Robert.
If we don't hold it, it's because the desire was simply not there.
And if the same resolution comes up every year and it doesn't come true, it's interesting to put it into perspective and ask ourselves what is preventing us from achieving it.
Choose a resolution that disagrees with its values
Some wishes are doomed when they come out of our mouths.
Practicing wrestling when you don't have the physical form or the appropriate age, for example, becoming a singer when you don't like to appear in public.
"If the resolutions are not in line with your nature, your personality, your values, they will never work", insists Michel Lejoyeux.
We finally find in some resolutions something very normative and not necessarily conducive to self-acceptance.
A point to question according to the philosopher: “We must return to our desires, and not to those of society which make us feel insufficient or incomplete.”
The Greek thinker Aristotle could well inspire us in this area.
"He said that each person contains within himself things measurable by acts and others by potential," says Marie Robert.
You don't become a ski champion if you fear slipping.
On the other hand, if you have a deep passion for artistic activities, why not dare to enroll in a drawing class?
Do not formulate the resolution in writing
The real problem with broken resolution is that it can be quickly forgotten, said aloud in an abstract way.
This is why the philosopher advises to materialize it in writing or to choose an object that reminds us of it.
“When they want to quit alcohol or tobacco, I ask my patients to open their diary and note down on a specific date when they are going to change their behavior,” says Michel Lejoyeux.
Publications on social networks are, on the other hand, to be avoided according to the professor of psychiatry, because we are never "safe from a malicious comment", which could harm the process initiated.
(1)
The 4 times of the Renaissance
, by Michel Lejoyeux, Éditions JC Lattès, 250 pages, €19.90.
(2)
Le Voyage de Pénélope, an odyssey of thought
, by Marie Robert, Éditions Flammarion, published on November 4, 272 pages, €19.
