This is why you must also talk to your children about sadness - voila! health

Ignoring does not make our thoughts and feelings go away.

Sad girl (Photo: ShutterStock)

A few weeks ago, a couple of lovely parents came to my clinic.

They told me that whenever they feel their daughter might be sad or disappointed about something, they immediately try to distract her from it, whether it's by buying something she wanted, or having a fun time.

Now they found out that the girl's good friend's mother is dying, and they don't know how to talk about it with their daughter.

How scary is it for us as parents to talk about sad topics like illness, loss, death and suffering in general?

Many parents avoid talking to their children about these issues, because they want to keep and protect them from the complex and difficult reality: from the suffering that exists in the world and from the lack of justice.

As parents, we want to prevent our children from worry, difficulty and sorrow.

But it is important to remember that suffering, sadness, fear and anger are an integral part of our lives, and it is desirable that we know how to deal with these feelings and not ignore them.

Ignoring does not make our thoughts and feelings disappear, but the opposite: the more we try to ignore, the more intense they will be.

It is important to know that our children's and childhood's imaginations and thoughts work overtime, and when they notice things that are not spoken, they may feel feelings of confusion, guilt, anxiety and shame.

In their minds, the situation could be worse, perhaps even their fault.

They are left with their questions, doubts and fears alone, and the hidden message that passes to them is that there are things that cannot be discussed with the parents.

We parents need to think about another message we want to convey to them, a message of openness and honesty, a message of emotional resilience.

Even if there are difficult, unpleasant and sad things, we are here for you.

We can talk to you about any subject, even if it is very sad, angry, embarrassing, etc.

You can talk about any topic.

A mother hugs a sad child (Photo: ShutterStock)

Design, like all our emotions, has a role.

And we as parents need to remember this.

The role of sadness is to find encouragement, support and comfort in someone who cares about us.

Let us know that there is something that needs our attention, to signal to other people that we need warmth, kindness and love.

Sometimes our children (and we are like them) are tempted to fight off their sadness, repress it, push it away, cover it with another emotion like anger, or pretend it doesn't exist.

But here is also the catch: the more we try to ignore our emotion, the higher it will come.

Give the feelings a name

As parents, it is desirable to validate our children's emotions and be empathetic towards them.

Many times we are tempted to change the situation, encourage and get our child out of their sadness too quickly.

We need to convey to them the message that sadness is a natural and healthy emotion.

Sadness is the way we sometimes adapt to a new reality, and it is a very important emotion.

More in Walla!

How to help a child develop his social and emotional world?

To the full article

In this case, the parents tried to distract their daughter, through compensation, so that she wouldn't feel the sadness (or disappointment, frustration, etc.).

But it's better to pay attention to the emotion, give it a name (label the emotion), know how it feels, why it causes me, and know that she can bear it, and that we as parents are there for her.

In addition, sentences like: "I don't want you to be sad" or "don't be sad" convey a problematic message, a message that unpleasant feelings should be kept away and avoided, and that it is not good to be sad.

What we need to do is convey a message that sadness is a part of our lives, give the emotion a place.

It is important that our children see us also feeling these difficult emotions, and that we know how to manage them.

This will help them normalize their experience and make them feel safe to talk about what they are experiencing.

It is advisable to remember that sometimes there is a great loss and it is impossible to change the situation, to know that this also happens and to simply be there for them, supporting and loving.

• health

• parenthood

Tags

• Sadness

• emotions

• Children

• parents

• loss

• but