An opportunity to start from the beginning: the circle of our life as human beings is made up of several stages, which we start as children, grow up to be teenagers, become young people, adults, and finish in the third age.

Each person creates a different dynamic for himself, according to his choices - the career, the achievements, and the way in which his behavior affects the relationship.

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The "empty nest" syndrome is the stage where the family unit changes.

The children leave the house to go on their own, the home nest changes, and the parents stay alone at home, with no mediators in the middle.

The couple find themselves as they were at the beginning, without children, only this time they are at a different age, with a different mentality, after having gained experience, good and bad memories, and especially characteristics that have become "us" over the years.

The situation of the couple in this situation will be significantly affected by the way the relationship was conducted before the children left home.

For many couples this stage may bring negative feelings, sadness, loneliness and depression.

Despite the parents' desire to raise their children to be independent and start a new journey on their own, this is not an easy change, which puts a mirror in front of their aging, and changes the daily routine and routine they were used to.

Keeping the relationship even in old age, photo: GettyImages

For many couples, the new situation can lead to a daunting feeling of silence, and a kind of alienation and distance from the partner, which was not always fully felt in the domestic "noise" that existed at home with the children.

The fact that a couple is married on paper, does not mean that they are really experiencing a relationship.

This stage, as we mentioned, was directly derived from the way the couple acted all their lives.

If the couple has built closeness over the years, sharing, good communication, spending time together, they will be able to function better in the new situation, which may lead to a crisis that threatens the relationship.

In the event that the couple has not developed intimacy, close friendship and tangible love, they may find themselves with a feeling of emptiness, alienation, frustration, and even alienation from their partner.

Over the many years that the couple raised the children, their personal needs were negated.

Some have lost interest in each other, or shared interests, and have to deal with unpleasant thoughts about "togetherness" and what it means to them.

Sometimes they have to relearn to communicate with each other, to spend quiet moments, to spend time together and intimacy that has been lost over the years.

You can fall in love again, photo: GettyImages

In many cases, such couples have to deal with the difficult realization in the middle of their lives, that for many years they swept the problems under the carpet, and did not give any thought to their relationship.

There are couples who at this stage "sit on the fence" and avoid making a decision about the rest of their lives, and there are those who choose to separate at this stage, because they understand that when raising the children is over, the partnership is also over.

How do you avoid a breakup?

The most important message is that in a relationship you should always invest.

With children, without children, small children, big children, children who have left home, don't leave your partner behind.

Between the daily routine and taking care of the various household chores and raising the children, you will invest in the relationship.

The more you invest in the relationship when you are young, the more you will reach the mature part of the relationship with appropriate tools and a stable foundation that is not easily affected by changes.

And what do you do when you reach this stage in life?

If you have already reached the age where the nest is empty, take initiative and reinvent yourself.

Deepen the relationship, go out for couples, renew your social life, and try to find common interests.

Try to compliment your partner, initiate mutual gestures, and thus you can restore intimacy to the relationship, even when it seems that everything is already lost.

In this situation, we recommend turning the lemon into lemonade, and realizing that you have received a gift in the form of free time, to fill gaps and create shared experiences.

Take advantage of it to live in the present, and fall in love again.

Remember: in a relationship there are three main factors - you-me-we.

The "we" is produced through thoughts, feelings and actions towards each other.

The opposite side, where we lose the "we", we will get if we don't know how to invest time and energy in the relationship.

If you persevere and nurture the relationship throughout the years, you can calmly reach the stage where the house is emptied, and if you have not learned how to do this, you will have to try to build a new foundation, and aim for a better future together.

The writer is a counselor and a couple and personal therapist

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