The "big questions" of the little ones often put adults in difficulty.
What not to do when faced with the “why?”
of your child to help him in his growth and discovery of the world around him?
Chiara Bosia
, psychologist, cognitive-behavioral psychotherapist and scientific consultant of QUID+, provides
5 useful tips to parents who often feel uncomfortable or not up to par
to answer the existential questions of their children.
Barbara Franco's publishing house wanted to involve Dr. Bosia in this project, to reveal through 27 stories what is hidden behind what seem simple requests for information and provide practical tools to parents and educators in the face of the genuine curiosity of children, which is completely free from prejudices (the book "But why?" in bookstores from 15 November).
Here are 5 tips on what not to do when faced with your child's why:
1. Don't pretend you didn't hear
Often a "why" is accompanied by another series of questions to investigate the situation and the constant request for information can lead the parent to get tired of answering and, sometimes, to pretend not to have heard.
This attitude risks generating a state of insecurity and accentuating the need for attention.
If when the question is asked there is not enough time to respond adequately, it can be postponed to another moment of the day, but it is important to remember that we must validate the "why" and make the child feel heard and welcomed with an explanation as clear and concrete as possible.
Through the "why" the child creates his own vision of the world and it is therefore essential to help him in this journey.
2. Don't change the subject to direct attention elsewhere
When a question is ignored or evaded, the little one, not perceiving the presence and reliability of the adult figure, will be led to believe that he has to manage on his own in times of difficulty.
Therefore, it is right to approach even the most difficult questions with sincerity, as the parent's evasion would lead the child to think that it is not worth being curious.
If we were caught off guard and don't feel ready to answer immediately, we can explain to the child that his question is very important and that we need time to think about the best answer to give him.
The parent can also respond with an "I don't know" and propose to look for the answer together.
Involve the little ones, in turn formulating questions addressed to them,
3. Don't say "I'll explain it to you when you're older"
Children's curiosity is clear and without any malice or prejudice, contrary to what happens to us adults who feel discomfort and inadequacy when faced with certain questions.
Their "whys" arise from sensations that cause them emotions and questions that they feel they are unable to handle on their own.
Postponing the explanation to an indefinite moment in the distant future diminishes the value of the question itself and makes the child perceive his request as wrong.
4. Don't say "when mom and dad kiss mom gets pregnant and a baby is born"
Giving misleading answers can contribute to the formation of an unrealistic view of the surrounding world and cause a child to lose faith in his parents once he discovers the truth.
Therefore, it is right to approach even the most difficult questions with sincerity, as the parent's evasion would lead the child to think that it is not worth being curious.
5. Don't use irony
Children only begin to understand irony around the age of 6, so responding ironically would certainly not help the child clarify his doubts.
Instead, it is good to use simple and direct words without beating about the bush or using complex language with excessive details: the child does not need to know anything more than what he has asked, but only a few simple and sincere explanations .