Infidelity: they have taken the plunge (or have thought about it) and tell

“Adultery, Cheating and Other Infidelities”

“From polyamory to adultery in Emma Bovary mode”.

The mini-series of the program

, a specialist in testimonials without commentary, immediately sets the tone in its introduction.

Infidelity is plural, and the answer to the question "why did they go elsewhere?"

so is it.

This is reported by journalist Alain Lewkowicz who held out his microphone to unfaithful women and men from all walks of life.

We hear the emotions of a forbidden desire and its trigger;

a lively debate, a smile, a postcard setting, a bare shoulder, a stolen kiss.

Olivier, Joséphine and many others say they have taken the plunge to find a sexual elsewhere, to which their companion could not or no longer responded.

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Far from the clichés, the infidels also testify to relative delights.

Some tell of guilt, their fatigue of having to hide everything.

Infidelity does not protect us from toxic relationships either, and the secret of adultery can keep us in a form of isolation and distress.

What is the possible outcome of this scheme?

Whether they are caught in the act or not, a discussion is inevitable with their partner, the official.

Sometimes the idea of ​​a free couple, polyamory is put on the table, sometimes it signals the beginning of a silent separation.

From the deceived to the deceiver, depending on one's point of view, one hears in these extramarital experiences an assumed selfishness but also a rediscovery of oneself.

“I never think of myself as an adulterous woman, summarizes Karen, 50 years old.

“Adultery, deceit and other infidelities” series, in two parts, produced by Alain Lewkowicz, directed by Anne-Laure Chanel and distributed by France Culture for the program Les pieds sur Terre.

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I love you, am I cheating on you?

For still a good number of individuals, it is difficult to see adultery other than through the prism of betrayal and sex.

It is also difficult not to ignore the received ideas that result from it.

In an episode of the

podcast , sexologist Carole Ruvira regrets this cliché considering that men cheat out of impulse and women out of love.

In practice, we are a long way from that.

"You can be sexually unfaithful and still be loyal to the couple," she says.

According to the specialist, the extramarital relationship is not necessarily synonymous with a loss of love but the result of an individual change, of a personal quest to evolve towards another ourselves.

In this sense, adultery should not systematically lead to the failure of the couple, its break-up, observes Carole Ruvira.

And it's not the psychotherapist Esther Perel, author of the bestseller

and stamped "sex guru" by the All-New York, which will say the opposite.

Interviewed by the director of the WAKE UP school and host of the eponymous podcast Anais Raoux, the Belgian-American invites each relationship to dialogue around these issues, even if it means reconsidering belonging to the other, or even moving towards forgiveness.

“Forgiveness is accepting the imperfection of others.

It can only be done if the other recognizes the injury inflicted, expresses his remorse, ”she nuances.

A complex but ultimately life-saving task.

"Resentment is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other to die," she says.

To remain in hatred and anger is also to remain attached to the other in a way that imprisons us completely.

To meditate.

Episode 5 “Infidelity, to the rescue of love?”, hosted by Carole Ruvira and Laura Eisenstein, produced by Ground Control in partnership with Causette for the program Vibrant e s.

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Episode 2 "Esther Perel - Changing her perspective on infidelity" hosted by Anais Raoux and produced by the WAKE UP personal development school for the WAKE UP Conversations program.

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On video, love: the 10 secrets of couples that last

The right to the "joker"

Albane has never been unfaithful, and neither have her partners, in principle.

However, the thirty-year-old does not see any problem with a one-night stand.

Based on the observation that any human being can succumb to it, she authorizes each of her partners to have an extramarital relationship.

If the young woman has never been faced with such a situation before, she explains on the set of the podcast

why she offers this “joker” in her relationship, thus relieving the potential guilt of her spouse.

“It is more a way of protecting the couple than endangering them.

Very few couples remain faithful so why hide the face?

Cheating on someone happens and it's forgivable,” she says.

For this moral pact to be a success, Albane however insists on two conditions: the infidelity must remain secret and must be based only on physical attraction.

“Emotional infidelity, there is nothing more serious”, underlines the one who wants to remain above all “the number one” in her union.

Proof that when it comes to adultery, the rules of the game are also endless.

Episode 24 “Albane - Infidelity 2/2”, produced by Les Gentilshommes (Coni, Dahn, Pascal) and distributed by Binge Audio.

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“Fidelity: a guy thing imposed on women?”

Are human beings naturally faithful or unfaithful?

To answer this vast question, the psychiatrist Patrick Lemoine observed the behavior of animals and his conclusions, published in the book

(Éd.Odile Jacob) are edifying.

From mammals to insects, birds and even molluscs, the male forces the female to be faithful to ensure the legitimacy of his offspring, he explains in an audio interview given to the philosopher Fabrice Midal.

In animals as in humans, fidelity secures and promotes the durability of the couple, but as the psychiatrist points out, this notion makes little sense from the point of view of evolution.

“Human beings are polygamous by nature but monogamous by culture.

As a result, they are able to adopt all the animal strategies, the worst as well as the best, to impose loyalty,” he laments.

However, making a vow of loyalty is no less absurd today, qualifies the specialist.

For this to be based on the values ​​of equality and free will, Patrick Lemoine favors establishing the couple's contract from the outset, asking each of the parties what loyalty represents, then discussing and renegotiating two certain clauses at different stages of his life.

Once every three years, every quarter or week, we instill this moment of pure frankness as we wish, and that's good.

Episode 52 “Fidelity: a guy thing imposed on women?

- Dr Patrick Lemoine”, led by Fabrice Midal and hosted by Acast for the program Dialogues.

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