Fight every morning with the child? The guide that will help you start the day calmly - voila! health

You know those stressful mornings?

It's already late, the traffic jams are starting, we're already late and they're on their own, not listening at best or resisting at worst.

Let's read how you can introduce a little more calm and reduce drama from the mornings at home.

If every morning turns into fights and arguments and when you finally manage to leave the house it feels like you survived a hurricane, probably something needs to change in your behavior.

And the thing is that the challenge to instill the change has to come from the responsible adult, we the parents have to lead the morning and take the reins.

And on the way to remember that every morning that the children go to the frameworks, inevitably means that they are separated from us, so what's the wonder that they pull the strings?

Trying to control doesn't work - the first stop should be the understanding that preschool children act differently, trying to "control" them will only provoke more objections for the simple reason that "against will" is their default.

This is nature's way of protecting the children when they encounter coercion or command, resisting is an important instinct that makes a lot of sense, this understanding will help us attack the lack of cooperation from completely different places.

Keep order - small children need someone to lead them, direct them and create order for them.

They work better within fixed routines, respond great to repetitive rituals, from where they draw confidence and calmness to act.

Make sure there is a clear order of operation in the morning, put music in the getting ready times to delimit the times to him, remind and help the children go through the different stations.

Get attention and connection before the instructions - it sounds basic but most of us forget to do it.

We have a tendency to ask or demand things from our children without paying attention to what they are doing at the moment, what are they busy in the middle of?

Basically the idea is to "boot" the relationship - get down to the child's level, look at what he is doing, get interested, get eye contact, maybe a small smile or a nod and from there it is easier to connect and get cooperation.

It wouldn't occur to us to demand the neighbor bring us a cup of sugar without first asking her how she is doing, get a smile return one and then make a request so why do we do it so easily in front of our children?

Getting attention varies from child to child, some children need to hear us, some need to see us, some need to get close and touch to get their attention - we were curious what works for you.

Humor, creativity and play - as adults we have become more task-oriented, we are organized, planned and unfortunately a little less innocent.

Our children, probably in preschool age, are not there yet.

They are in the realms of imagination, creativity and play and getting cooperation from this place will be much simpler.

So you can just put on shoes because you're late, or put on shoes quickly because the royal carriage is waiting for us and you have to hurry before it turns into a pumpkin.

The children's brain works mainly in game mode, from there it is much simpler and healthier to move forward, even if it is less fast, so let's see how many green things you find before we get to the door...

look at them with good eyes - even when they don't cooperate try to see the good intentions theirs, where did they try this morning, what did they manage to do and give the feedback there, it is important to shine a light on the attempts, the efforts and not just the result.

So you may be late, but he got dressed all by himself today and it was really exciting.

The responsibility is ours - and that basically means that the morning starts already in the evening.

Try to make it easier to get organized in the morning and prepare what you can the night before.

Along with this, take responsibility for yourself and check how long it takes you to get organized, what is required of you this morning and whether you need to wake up earlier in order to have time to lead and help your child.

Do not add frustration - sometimes nothing will help, and we will have to take the children by force.

But, and this is a very big but, it is important that we allow them to be upset about it.

There will be slower mornings, when the children will find it difficult to leave the house, but if we have already taken them by force there is no need to add additional anger and frustration, it is frustrating enough that he meets a reality that he cannot change, it is frustrating enough to say goodbye in the morning - remember he is allowed to be angry about it and it is important that we be The address is for comfort.

Written by

Amer - certified behavior analyst, MA in special education, lecturer and expert in accompanying the family unit.

A sad boy (Photo: ShutterStock)

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Dana said, in collaboration with JAMA

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