Yaffe Selma is a widow whose son is dealing with an intellectual disability. When her husband Ilan passed away, she not only had to deal with the enormous pain that opened in her heart - but also to try to mediate the difficult issue for her son. She tells Israel Hayom about the ordeal in a personal column.
Even before Yaffe's son Yaniv emerged into the world, the doctor detected something unusual during a routine ultrasound examination.
The child has a bigger head than usual.
"After he was born, they did additional tests on him and the doctors said that he does indeed have a larger than normal head circumference. The tests showed that he has a diagnosis called hydrocephalus, a disease in which the brain has difficulty draining excess fluid, which is characterized by an excess of fluid in the head, which causes high pressure inside the skull."
"When we were visiting a professor who asked to check Yaniv's condition, he told us to take into account that his mind would develop to the level of a 6-year-old child at most. He didn't give us hope for the future, but this is where Yaniv's story actually began," she said.
"Yaniv is a very smart boy who pays attention to the small details as well as the big ones. He manages to recognize who is coming home even before I even hear the garden gate open. The TV, for example, he always knew how to break, but he also immediately knew how to fix it.
"We live in Moshav, where Ilan had tractors that he was very curious about as a child. His father was very attached to him, he was madly in love with him. Yaniv would come up to him and ask him what he was doing, literally demanding an explanation of every part of the tractor. They would go down to the field together, And the father would explain to him about the clusters of grapes in our vineyards and explain to him about the different types," she describes the relationship between them.
"About three years ago, Ilan passed away after a persistent battle with liver cancer. His death left us all heartbroken. After he passed away, Yaniv began to worry about me, and since then he constantly asks: 'Mommy sleeps alone?', 'Mommy goes to sleep alone?'
"His dealing with his father's death is complex. Sometimes he also blames me. 'Angry with you,' he says angrily. When I ask him why, he answers me: 'Father passed away.' I explain to him that his father is up in heaven. Other times He expresses concern that I won't leave him, and he tells me: 'Mom, you're not going to another house, are you?'. I tell him not to worry, that mom is with him and won't leave him.
"When Yaniv reached the age of 22, we started looking for a setting that would suit him and his lifestyle. After many inquiries, we found the rehabilitation village "Adi Negev - Nachalat Eran". Everyone was so nice there, so good to him. I relaxed."
So how does a child with a disability deal with death?
"Probably like all small children. Sometimes they understand, sometimes they get angry and blame. Sometimes they feel sorry for themselves, and other times they worry about others. Only while normal children grow up over the years and deal with the situation in a more mature way, Yaniv will continue to deal with this reality like a small child, Forever. And me? I will continue to love him, take care of him and accommodate him. He is a lovely and special boy, and he will always remain my little boy."
The writer is Yaffe Selma, mother of Yaniv, who is dealing with a developmental intellectual disability, a resident of the rehabilitation village "Adi Negev - Nachalat Eran".
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