Foreign Valentine's Day - Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and with it usually comes a host of marriage proposals, which celebrate love.
So if you are in a relationship and are considering getting married, a marriage expert has published the questions that will help you decide if you are ready for it.
Dr. David Halfand, an American psychologist who specializes in couples therapy, told Today.com that "one of the rules for a long-term romantic relationship is the ability to set boundaries for your partner." According to him, this is an important ability that must be done even before the wedding itself. So that you can know If you're on the right track, he posted 12 questions, the answer to which could clarify the picture for you.
• Do you feel that jealousy is harming your relationship?
This is how you can save her
• Fall in love again: the way you can save the relationship
What helps you and your partner relax?
Life in a relationship is not always full of joy and happiness.
They also include crises and a lot of stress that may be a trigger for crises, in addition to the external pressures that every person goes through.
That's why it's very important to know what helps your partner to relax so that you can help him in this matter when the time comes.
What makes you and your partner feel loved?
The work of Dr. Gary Chapman, who in the 1990s dealt with the "love language" theory, that humans have several love languages, meaning that each person has a different way of feeling loved or being loved. According to the theory, there are those who would like to receive words of approval , others like physical contact or quality time with their partner, etc. Knowing what makes the other party feel loved helps a lot to establish a long-term loving relationship.
How does your financial situation affect you?
One of the main reasons for the separation of spouses is arguments about money. Therefore, it is better to enter into marriage after you have investigated together the financial conduct of your spouse and explained to him your approach in the field and have reached an even ground.
This includes the amount of debt you have, the various incomes, the status of your bank credit, etc.
Also, according to the experts, talk about dividing the financial responsibility between you and even contact a financial advisor to help you if necessary.
According to the experts, dealing with this issue is the key to a stable marriage.
What do you keep for yourself?
A couple getting married (illustration), photo: Getty Images
Do you know what your partner's biggest traumas are?
It is very important to dig into your partner's past and find out, as this knowledge will help you understand him better, and you will also understand how his behaviors and reactions are necessarily influenced and activated even in the shadow of past events.
In connection with this, Dr. Halfand explains that "our traumas shape us, and if you know what your partner's scariest experiences are - you can better understand who he is today."
Find out what you share with your partner - and what remains secret and yours
It turns out that there are real gaps in maintaining confidentiality and privacy between people.
There are couples who are happy to share everything with the other party, but there are those who prefer to maintain a certain degree of privacy.
For you, it is very important to clarify the issue with your partner, because a dispute in this area could create crises later due to a feeling of lack of trust between the partners.
How do you deal with disputes and quarrels?
Each person has his own way of coping during crises, and here the ability to reach a compromise is important, that is, to know the partner's way of dealing with this issue and to respect it.
In fact, there are several recognized ways to manage a crisis.
One person will prefer to avoid crises and conflicts, another will behave in a volatile manner during an argument and a third can behave aggressively during a crisis.
This is an important issue that the couple needs to face and get to know, that is, how to manage a crisis while knowing their different ways in this area.
How involved will the extended family be in your life?
The role that parents and relatives play in a relationship is often a real source of serious disagreement between spouses.
Some people want to be with their parents all the time and meet their relatives, while others may see this as a nightmare.
Of course, there are also those who value and consider more the opinion of their parents, which may not be acceptable to the partner.
Therefore, it is very important to know in advance how everyone sees the relationship with the extended family and to reach an agreed solution between both parties.
The answers can help you establish the relationship (illustration), photo: Getty Images
Because of what issues could the relationship explode?
It is very important to set boundaries for yourself.
For example, how will you react to a case of betrayal, abuse from the other party or exploitation, and addiction.
These issues are important, and it is healthy for a person to outline for himself in advance what his limits are in regards to a relationship.
How do you keep your "I" in a relationship?
There are people who lose themselves in a relationship and literally "merge" with their partner.
According to the experts, this should be avoided if you want to maintain romance and a strong relationship over time.
Therefore, each party must maintain their own independent professional ambitions, different friends as well as hobbies that are only their own.
In this way you can both manage a healthy relationship and preserve your self as a separate person.
How will you divide the housework?
It turns out that some people are angry with their partner and even develop a grudge against him because he does not help with the housework.
Therefore, it is very useful to discuss this and divide the housework fairly.
This is such an important area that if you are unable to reach an agreement on it - it is appropriate to consider hiring a housekeeper.
What are your partner's weaknesses that make it difficult for you?
This is an embarrassing topic, but according to the experts, in order to develop a healthy relationship - each party must also explain to the other party what their weaknesses or behaviors are that they don't like.
This honesty is a way to correct weaknesses and behaviors, or at least a way to understand and come to terms with them.
A conversation about this area will also practice both parties in conducting unpleasant conversations during the relationship.
What is your shared ambition or vision in the relationship?
Although finding out each other's ambitions down the road is reminiscent of a job interview process, couples who have shared ambitions and dreams are considered more stable and those who survive the relationship longer.
In this context, it is important to find out from time to time if your partner still holds the same ambition and to find out again what your positions or ambitions are together, and this is to avoid surprises or crises related to each person's personal dreams.
It's all well and good as usual, but how will the fights affect your relationship?
(illustration), photo: GettyImages
Were we wrong?
We will fix it!
If you found an error in the article, we would appreciate it if you shared it with us
