Who approved spending money? When the economic situation hurts the relationship Israel today

Money is an important tool in life, and may evoke a lot of emotions around it.

A high salary is a measure of success in life, while a low salary may indicate low status.

Spouses who share a common household also deal with this issue.

But what do you do when money causes fights and arguments?

The marriage counselor explains. 

Stories from the clinic

Couples who are regularly treated at the clinic, came to the weekly meeting when it seemed that they had had a busy week.

When I asked how they were doing, Dana (pseudonym) replied: "Ask him! He decides anyway."

Ron (pseudonym) responded to her: "Maybe we should ask my mother? She thinks I'm 6 years old anyway."

What really happened between the two?

A few days earlier, Ron came home smiling and told Dana that he had bought ski equipment.

He decided to fly with friends for a long weekend and start surfing.

She was stressed that her husband had spent several thousand shekels without consulting her, on a hobby he was not yet experienced in.

She told me: "Don't think, I'm happy. Let him go with friends! But why not share with me? Skiing is dangerous, and why do you need to buy equipment right away? We're in a bad economic time, and he spent thousands of shekels without asking me?".

The decisions may provoke debates (illustration), photo: Getty Images

Should Ron have "asked Dana's permission"?

Definitely yes.

Such decisions should be taken together.

In general, the spouses should examine their financial situation from time to time, and decide on an amount from which the spouse should be consulted before spending.

Spouses who are in an excellent financial situation may decide on a high amount, while spouses who are in a poor financial situation may decide on a low amount, such as NIS 200.

When the couple sits together and decides on what amount to consult, it reduces the feeling of "asking for permission", and becomes a joint decision. 

Spouses usually have someone who is more knowledgeable about the bank account and other headaches related to the financial issue, and he will be able to give direction regarding the decision on the amount in a good and informed way. 

Speak from a place of sharing (illustration), photo: Getty Images

If we return to Dana and Ron, many questions arise about their marital function.

Maybe Ron should have rented ski equipment before buying one himself?

Maybe the two can't finance such a trip right now?

The danger of the trip should also be taken into account together.

When one of the partners wants to experiment with something that requires risk, it should be brought up in a couple's discussion, and let both parties express their desires and fears, and understand if it is possible to overcome it. 

Skiers at the Mayrhofen ski resort in Austria, photo: Reuters

In conclusion, what is important is to talk to your partner about everything, especially in matters that are accompanied by financial expenses, from a place of sharing and making marital decisions, without feeling that independence is being compromised within the relationship. 

And what happened in the end with the couple?

The guy went skiing, decided it wasn't for him and sold the equipment.

Hello couple.

Naama Tzobal is the owner of a clinic for family support - a tutor for parents of preschoolers and teenagers, a marriage counselor and a sleep counselor, a reporter and lecturer on matters of marriage and parenting. 

were we wrong

We will fix it!

If you found an error in the article, we would appreciate it if you shared it with us