Your children are hungry for attention.
Mother and daughter dancing (Photo: Giphy)
Our children need shared time with us, much more than we think.
They need this attention of ours, and they don't know when we will turn to them.
The truth is we don't know either because we are busy.
In order to succeed in giving them quality time without interruptions, it is useful to consider the time shared between the parents and the children as a fixed circle that is in the diary - on the same day and at the same time, when the activity can be constant or variable.
Father's circle, mother's circle.
Why is it even important to create a regular class with the children?
1. Our children are really hungry for attention and they will do a lot of things and even extreme things to get crumbs from it.
Why do they do that?
Because negative attention from us is preferable to being ignored, they want us to see them, they want to be important to us for a few minutes, they want us to hear them, to listen to them, so they will make a lot of noise in their behavior.
Mom's circle and dad's circle calm their hunger for attention, they get a generous portion that greatly reduces all kinds of children's behaviors that make them and us less fun with them.
2. We don't really know them well enough, we don't really get answers from them to the question "How was your day at kindergarten or school?"
Our children cannot and should not compete for our attention between another urgent WhatsApp message, an email that beeps less than we received or even in the face of the thoughts that wander to the document that needs to be finished at work while he and I are playing Tacky.
No need for any activity that costs money.
Father and son working together (Photo: ShutterStock)
3.
We want to influence our children, that they will grow up according to the values that are important to us, that they will tell the truth, that they will be polite, that they will do their homework, that they will behave nicely, that they will be sociable, that they will help at home, the problem is that we notice our children when they bully us, when they drive us crazy, we notice to them because we mistakenly think it's our job to make them relax or behave well or shut up or stop screaming or be polite or happy or share with friends or be polite now.
According to studies, 95 percent of the good things our children do do not receive any attention from us.
Our regular circle with one of the children gives us the opportunity to tell them all the good things we see in them, to understand what interests them, to compliment them on something new that they have tried, something brave that they have tried and so, with this pure listening for an hour a week, we get closer to them and they to us from here and like a wave A relationship, we build trust, we trust them more, they believe we are on their side and that's the only way we build the same influence on them and hence they feel comfortable cooperating with us.
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4. We invest time and energy in any case to take care of the children's behaviors that we seek to prevent, so the equation is exactly the opposite - let's invest time and energy in prevention, it will reduce the time we spend in treating behavior problems.
5. Psychologist Oliver James in his book "love bombing" explains that such time with a child is literally resetting the emotional thermostat of the child and the parent.
He describes in the book 12 cases of extreme behavior of children of various ages and how 1 on 1 time with them balanced and calmed both the parent and the child.
So how do you do it?
1. Set a time in your diary, class, remember?
Not moving, not changing.
Make it happen, book a regular babysitter or a grandparent do whatever it takes to earn your child.
2. Tell your children that this is what is going to happen every week, why?
Because when you see their reaction it will help you strengthen the decision and create the necessary change in the dense blues.
3. Take a simple page and draw a table on it with the days of the week so that each child knows exactly when it is his time with you.
4. The younger the child, the more the cost of the time together is 0 round.
All a child needs is for you to walk with him and follow him, stop with him when he stops and allow him to climb the wall for the 75th time and come down from it again.
5. With older children you can play your favorite sport, go down to the garden, have a picnic with a sandwich from home and a favorite game, that's it, you don't need any activity that costs money.
6. You should also enjoy the activity with the children, otherwise you will quickly go to the mobile out of boredom
7. The activity should take place outside the house because inside it there are many distractions such as housework, uninvited guests and of course brothers and sisters.
8. If you couldn't find an hour in the afternoon, take the children early in the morning before school to a cafe - they enjoy it the most.
9. If you couldn't find an afternoon or early morning, then Friday or Shabbat is a great option, it doesn't cost money, it happens outside, it doesn't require desecration of Shabbat if you observe. 10. And a last recommendation and perhaps the most important - if this whole concept is
new For you and the child, make sure you have a regular activity, really do the same thing that you both love at the same hour a week together, why? It burns the sweetest childhood memories into their cute heads and ours. Efrat Leket is a lecturer in Israel and around the world on parenting in the 21st century and the leader of the project "
Time Family" of Tnuva - the social father with a lot of content for parents at no cost
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