Happiness: an almost unpronounceable word, intimidating to recognize it in some rare moment, frustrating to chase after it, useless to regret it.
Can you be afraid to be happy?
It seems paradoxical, yet yes.
This fear exists and bears the name of cherophobia, an irrational fear that causes those who suffer from it to have a pathological aversion to all those emotions commonly considered positive.
Here are
seven food for thought and insights by the psychotherapist Valeria Locati,
in collaboration with Whirlpool , on the occasion of the World Happiness Day on March 20th.
Why has International Happiness Day been celebrated for 10 years on March 20?
It is a date established by the UN
as March 20 is the day of the spring equinox,
symbolically the beginning of the blossoming of life (
a resolution initiated by Bhutan,
a country that has recognized the value of national happiness over that of national income since the early 1970s. Bhutan has in fact adopted the target of Gross National Happiness replacing it with the Gross National Product (GNP))
1. Thinking about happiness does not mean evading responsibilities
We are so used to thinking about it in a hurry, overwhelmed, at the limit of our energies that caressing the idea of being happy makes us feel guilty, lazy, little oriented towards the production of values.
It's not like that, psychology and research tell us loudly: dedicating yourself to what makes us happy improves concentration, self-perception, global psychophysical well-being.
2. Recurring thoughts shouldn't be chased away, they show us the way
We all carry intrusive thoughts.
They creep into our days, steal energy, bring us stress and confusion.
Avoiding them or trying to suppress them has the same effect as erasing the road from the map and finding shortcuts of our own.
They must be looked at, put under the magnifying glass for the time necessary to understand with which resources to manage them.
Sooner is better, then it's too much.
3. It's not true that if you don't think about it, no one does
The family, cultural and social context in which we are immersed requires us to be superheroes, but in silence.
We have learned to count for others by doing, feeling unique, indispensable, but also very lonely for this.
Leaving to the other, even when small and inexperienced, the possibility of taking care of his commitments and duties helps us to reduce the efforts and omnipotence.
4. How afraid are you of your negative emotions?
Being happy is never a matter of naivety or childish levity.
Stopping to reflect on how to rediscover joie de vivre and enthusiasm implies starting from why we have lost them.
It means dealing with the sadness and often with the anger that color our days.
And this is certainly scarier than the habit of stress we constantly subject ourselves to.
5. Stress, worries, overload are found in the image you have of yourself
Reality is a matter of looks, of points of view from which we observe people and their relationships.
The narration of ourselves at the limit of energy, ready to explode at any moment is just one of the possible descriptions that concern us.
Understanding why it is predominant can be the beginning of a path of knowledge in which to feel effective.
6. Doing for others doesn't guarantee you their love
We keep repeating to ourselves how tiring it is to be of help to everyone, how little we are recognized, how much, even at work, every gesture is taken for granted.
What if we began to ask ourselves what we really expect from that gratitude?
How much does the frustration of not being seen have to do with the innate desire to be loved?
Here, it is not by replacing ourselves that we will make ourselves loved and be happy.
7. You don't deserve happiness, you live it
Life is not an obstacle course or a level in a video game where you win a prize.
It's an absolutely personal journey, in which we don't have to deserve a joy, a happy moment, thinking about ourselves as satisfied.
Being happy is part of human nature, it is a condition for survival and for the quality of our future and relationships with the people we love.
It is not ancillary, but a necessity to be personally responsible for.
A fundamental starting point is learning to think of happiness as something to be experienced every day, to which you can dedicate time alongside all the commitments we make.
"In a hectic world that drives us to often be in a hurry and to stop for a short time to listen to our internal world, it becomes crucial to allow ourselves to reflect on what fuels our stress and how to rediscover the joy of living and enthusiasm. - says the psychotherapist Valeria Locati in a campaign supported by the Whirpool brand committed to helping people cultivate their sense of well-being at home – I believe it is a duty to dedicate a day to the rediscovery and value of happiness in people's lives, to help unhinge some mechanisms that distance us from our well-being, for example being prey to negative and recurring thoughts,
that drain energy and lead to confusion, or think of life only in terms of performance, like an obstacle course in which to win a prize.
Happiness is not something one deserves, but it must be lived every day.”
Cherophobia is defined
as the fear of happiness.
How did the term come about?
The term has Greek etymology and derives from kairós "that which cheers" and fóbos "fear", literally it is therefore "the fear of being happy". Beyond the purely literal meaning, it is essentially a tendency to avoid the positive circumstances and the emotions that follow.Although it is not included in the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), the main resource for the diagnosis of mental health disorders, in psychology cherophobia is defined as a form of anticipatory anxiety that precludes the attainment of happiness.Dr.
Valeria Fiorenza Perris,
avoidance of any type of situation that could generate contentment, amusement or euphoria”.
“One might mistakenly confuse cherophobia with depression.
In reality, the cherophobic subject is afraid of suffering and being unhappy.
In fact, he fears that happiness, once achieved, may vanish, leaving him alone and unprepared for emptiness and suffering.
It is precisely for this reason that he practices an active avoidance of positive emotions.
If, on the one hand, this attitude can help him to prevent any disappointments, on the other, however, it leads him to preclude himself from any opportunity to live a happy life”, added Dr. Valeria Fiorenza Perris.
the cherophobic subject is afraid of suffering and being unhappy.
In fact, he fears that happiness, once achieved, may vanish, leaving him alone and unprepared for emptiness and suffering.
It is precisely for this reason that he practices an active avoidance of positive emotions.
If, on the one hand, this attitude can help him to prevent any disappointments, on the other, however, it leads him to preclude himself from any opportunity to live a happy life”, added Dr. Valeria Fiorenza Perris.
the cherophobic subject is afraid of suffering and being unhappy.
In fact, he fears that happiness, once achieved, may vanish, leaving him alone and unprepared for emptiness and suffering.
It is precisely for this reason that he practices an active avoidance of positive emotions.
If, on the one hand, this attitude can help him to prevent any disappointments, on the other, however, it leads him to preclude himself from any opportunity to live a happy life”, added Dr. Valeria Fiorenza Perris.
"Happiness?
No thank you".
How cherophobia manifests itself.
How to know if you have cherophobia?
To date, mental health professionals have identified a body of symptoms and attitudes common to many cherophobics such as, for example, a tendency to avoid opportunities that could lead to positive life changes or a refusal to participate in enjoyable activities.
Sufferers of cherophobia also experience anxiety when invited to participate in a social occasion.
Happiness is then often perceived by the cherophobic as a "forbidden fruit", something not to show to others and for which to feel guilty, and which, surely, will be followed by a punishment.
The cherophobic also believes that happiness can make him a worse and unwelcome individual and believes that pursuing it is a waste of time and a futile effort.
Fear of happiness: where does it come from?
The causes of cherophobia may lie in negative experiences previously experienced by the subject and events, more or less traumatic, which have undermined the sense of optimism, trust and security towards others and the outside world.
In many cases, cherophobia has its roots in childhood.
The fear of being happy is, in fact, often linked to one or more joyful moments experienced as children which were followed by a traumatic, physical or emotional event, such as a punishment, a disappointment or even an important loss.
This negative experience, in which emotions such as anger, humiliation, and pain overshadowed any positive feelings, resulted in a distorted association of the causal relationship between happiness and pain.
The cherophobic person therefore deprives himself
of any experience that could bring him joy or euphoria motivated by the fear that experiencing a peak of happiness could re-actualize the trauma experienced in the past and cause him suffering again.
In addition to childhood traumas, the context and culture in which one lives, as well as the education received, can also contribute to the onset of this disorder.
For some people, cherophobia might, for example, express a fear of conflict with a significant other, such as a parent or family member.
In other cases, however, the individual may have developed an external locus of control and mistakenly think that their actions or choices have no influence on the course of events.
Any positive situation that occurs is therefore seen by the cherophobic as dictated by chance, fate or luck and, for this reason,
there is nothing he can do to make it happen again.
Regardless of the causes that led to the emergence of this phobia, the subjects who are affected by it share a defensive mechanism that leads them to escape happiness in an attempt to shelter themselves from the pain and suffering that will ensue.
Overcoming the fear of happiness is possible.
“Those who suffer from cherophobia are not necessarily always sad, but they are certainly someone who avoids certain events for fear that these may later turn into a source of unhappiness.
A new job, love, friendship or interest is perceived by the cherophobic as a threat to their status quo and, therefore, as something to be avoided.
This attitude has obvious repercussions on social, work and sentimental life,
“Recognizing that you suffer from this disorder is certainly a good first step.
It is also important that the individual understands, through self-reflection, the origin and causes of his anxieties and worries, so that he can address them.
In this process, it is essential never to underestimate the support that those who are close to us and who love us can give us.
In addition to instilling love and security, partners, friends and family can offer us very valuable insights and points of view to help us better manage and overcome our phobias.
Since cherophobia is not recognized at a diagnostic level, there is still no real cure or therapy.
However, as with any phobia, psychotherapy can be extremely effective.
And finally,
it is essential to keep in mind that it is not possible to be happy all the time or be happy for everything.
We can, however, fully and fearlessly enjoy every moment of happiness and learn to welcome and embrace every emotion in order to live life freely and fully”, concluded Dr. Valeria Fiorenza Perris.
