The "click" doesn't have to be immediate.
A mother holding a baby (Photo: ShutterStock)
When you become mothers, there is a social and even personal expectation that you are going to immediately fall in love with your baby.
There are mothers for whom the "click" is too much, and there are those who don't, and when it doesn't - the feelings come that something is not right.
After all, what mother in nature doesn't love her baby as soon as he emerges into the air of the world?
So that's it, it turns out it's so natural.
Nega Hila Mutana
, parent and family coach and NLP facilitator, is here to tell you, first of all, that you are not alone.
This is an experience that many mothers go through and it is familiar and well-known.
What are the reasons for this?
First, already at the time of birth, from the opening stage to the pushing stage, you are covered in great pain, stress and fears.
Sometimes the length of the process and the great pain are so strong, that they can even provoke anger and a feeling of distance from the baby.
Second, you are in a sensitive and unstable hormonal state.
Add to it the shock of having a little human (!) and you get a complex situation that takes time to digest and contain, and this can happen in the third and fourth birth as well.
It is possible that the picture you had in your head before the birth was completely different from the actual reality.
And it's strange, confusing and can also be scary.
You are allowed to feel it.
Suddenly the insight that life has changed catches you confused, and no matter how much you read, listened and consulted - when it's real, it's different.
These feelings are completely natural and everyone adapts to the new reality at their own pace.
Another thing that can weigh you down is what you think of other mothers.
Many of them share their perfect moments of happiness, with their perfect babies in perfect clothes and with melting smiles.
This is not exactly what is happening with you and therefore you feel even worse.
So listen to something: even these mothers, for whom everything is so great, they also have moments of brokenness, it is possible that they too did not immediately connect with the baby, but out of the desire to "paint" that everything is excellent, flowing and successful - they present a reality that does not necessarily reflect what is happening with them in.
So how should you deal with it?
When you feel a little guilty, remember that the process you are going through is natural, hug yourself and don't try to please anyone.
Look only at yourself without comparing to other mothers whose everything seems perfect.
You progress at your pace which is accurate and correct for you and for your baby.
Try to learn yourself and the new baby as you go and enjoy this fascinating and intriguing process.
Write down one small thing that you love about the baby every day until you have a long list or until you feel that you know him and connect with him.
As in other relationships in life, sometimes there is a "click" and an immediate connection, and sometimes it takes time.
Either way - it's natural, legitimate and fine.
You are perfectly fine!
As in other relationships in life, sometimes there is a "click" and immediate connection, and sometimes it takes time (Photo: ShutterStock)
The Jama application was established with the aim of responding to mothers of babies between the ages of birth and three, and to gather for them content, activities, tips from experts and videos that will accompany them throughout this challenging period.
All the content in the application "grows" together with the baby and is precisely adapted to the stages of his development, so that the mothers receive only what is relevant to them and interests them at any given moment.
The Jama app is the place for mothers in Israel to meet and get to know other mothers around them, and to create new and exciting friendships in the fascinating journey.
Search us on Google: https://app.jama.co.il/
Daniel Saranetsky, in collaboration with JAMA