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Self-centered, envious, masochistic... These profiles that exploit your flaws and exhaust you

2023-05-17T04:37:25.362Z

Highlights: It's hard to see a toxic individual coming. Even less so when he sleeps in the same bed, brings chouquettes to the office, toasts to our health or is in the family photo. Three specialists in psychology lift the veil on these undesirables. Envy, victim or guilt-inducing... We are all a little bit at the bottom. But if these character traits are present in all of us, they can take on toxic proportions in some, who eventually cross the line.


It's hard to see a toxic individual coming. Even less so when he sleeps in the same bed, brings chouquettes to the office, toasts to our health or is in the family photo. Three specialists in psychology lift the veil on these undesirables.


Envy, victim or guilt-inducing... We are all a little bit at the bottom. But if these character traits are present in all of us, they can take on toxic proportions in some, who eventually cross the line. "Instead of keeping their suffering to themselves, some people express it and seek pleasure by trying to satisfy their needs, to the detriment of the other," explains psychiatrist Samuel Lepastier (1).

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In practice, it is not uncommon for a person to simultaneously have several toxic characteristics. However, at work, in friendship or love, we tend to be impacted by their passive aggressiveness. Is it out of excessive naivety? Not really. "Family relationships during childhood determine our vulnerability," notes psychotherapist France Brécard (2). It is still necessary to recognize its own flaw and the type of wolf that wants to infiltrate it. Here are six characteristics to run away from others, and the ways to understand why they reach us.

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The egocentric, which deepens the lack of self-esteem

Here is the most widespread and especially the easiest to unmask. It is not uncommon for the egocentric to begin a sentence with a very modest "me, I". As the name suggests, he or she refocuses all topics of conversation around his or her person. According to France Brécard, this character trait often develops in brilliant people, elevated to the rank of king or queen during childhood or, conversely, in those left behind. His self-centeredness usually hurts people suffering from a real lack of self-esteem. "By associating with an egocentric, the victim mistakenly thinks that his intelligence will reflect on him," observes the expert in transactional analysis.

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The narcissistic pervert, who destroys the other to boost his self-esteem

"In his book Emprise et satisfaction, the psychoanalyst Paul Denis explains that any human relationship is necessarily accompanied by movements of control aimed at ensuring the fidelity, availability or constancy of the other in the commitment, reports Samuel Lepastier. But for some people, those who are particularly narcissistic, the hold on the other becomes an end in itself." This is the definition of narcissistic perversion. In reality, the individual drags an infantile distress that makes him believe that the manipulation of the other towards decay is a way of elevating oneself.

The hold on the other becomes an end in itself

Samuel Lepastier, psychiatrist

The profile is found in some couples and many in scammers and gurus. "He presents himself as a charming person, who will gradually isolate his victim by using his emotional dependence, so as to gradually cut him off from his loved ones, his work and any autonomy," describes clinical psychologist Marion Blique (3). According to the expert, if the signs of this influence are often noticed late, we can observe beforehand in the pervert a desire to hide his identity, friends and family. "Generally mythomaniac, he likes to lead the other by boat," says psychiatrist Samuel Lepastier. In such a way as to make him abandon all critical thinking."

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The victim, who sucks all the strength of the superhero

His favorite mantra? "I'll never make it." He would be given the good Lord without confession and yet the victim uses and abuses his position as a fragile lamb. "It awakens the feeling of the savior, who seeks by helping him to gain importance in the eyes of others," says France Brécard. As commendable as it is, this action leads to harmful codependence. "The superhero can reproduce a past trauma but this time with the will to repair everything, analyzes psychiatrist Samuel Lepastier. Except that by dint of giving himself body and soul, he forgets himself. " According to the professional, the "saviors" are often people who have rubbed shoulders with individuals prone to addictions.

It is difficult to disentangle oneself from this situation. The victim places such guilt on the shoulders of the other that we cannot abandon him without appearing cruel. "Some parents abuse it," says psychoclinician Marion Blique. Thanks to this emotional blackmail, they keep control over all family members."

The moral masochist, who drags the other into his downfall

Here is a variant of the victim. "Faced with what happens positive to him in life, the moral masochist does not think he deserves his fate and sabotages himself voluntarily," says psychiatrist Samuel Lepastier. The fault here again is a cruel lack of self-confidence and significant guilt. A student, for example, may fail an exam for fear of growing up, of entering adult life. An employee may sabotage his promotion because he fears that his merit will set him apart from others. Depending on the perversion of the person, the act can also cause collateral damage. Thus, the student can also make his parents pay for an orientation he would not have chosen and the employee, punish his colleagues because of too much responsibility.

The envious compares himself to others to fill the void in him

France Brécard, psychotherapist

The envious, who tramples on the happiness of others

The grass is always greener in the neighbor. Enough to drive the envious crazy. Not to be confused with jealousy according to Samuel Lepastier. Envy is characterized by an aversion to everything that others perceive positively, and then wants to take away from them. "He compares himself to others to fill the void in him," notes psychopractitioner France Brécard. His weapons? Criticism and rumours. "Inhabited by grudges, he feels legitimate in his role as judge and wants to restore justice in the face of a society that does not recognize his rights," says Samuel Lepastier.

The erotomaniac, which is made from films

It only takes a look, a gesture and sometimes nothing at all for the erotomaniac to have the intimate conviction of being loved. We find this toxic personality in celebrity fan clubs but also on a smaller scale. You, the recent Netflix series, deciphers very well the feelings experienced by this individual, played here by Penn Badgley. The actor plays Joe Goldberg, a young bookseller convinced that he will live a great love story with a student met stealthily in his store. "They are very infantile people, generally locked in the fantasy of the prince or princess charming," decrypts Samuel Lepastier. They are identified by their clumsy and truly unexpected way of declaring their love, overnight, without warning. "They usually go through three phases: hope, spite and resentment," says the psychiatrist.

The more we listen to it, the more we give it importance

France Brécard, psychotherapist

Solutions to get rid of toxic temperaments

Whatever the type of harmful behavior, the three specialists are unanimous: to get rid of it, distance is essential. "Once alone, toxic personalities become aware of their actions and face their wounds," says Samuel Lepastier. This may result in depression for the person concerned, which will be beneficial if, and only if, the victim breaks ties.

Some personalities prove difficult to leave, playing the persecuted to escape punishment. But France Brécard insists: "You have to be firm and turn on your heels. The more we listen to it, the more importance we give it."

At work, this sidelining is more complicated to apply. Psychoclinician Marion Blique is not against confrontation, "a firm discussion can set limits". And if the toxic individual ignores this warning, the human resources department must be informed, or even, when the case arises, stick to the application of the law, with a criminal sanction if necessary. "Instead of an 'I do not want', the promotion of a legal third party, even verbally, will have more impact on the actions of the aggressor," says Samuel Lepastier. Finally, for the psychiatrist, there is no need to try to save them: "Having a charitable attitude would, on the contrary, mask the disorder of the person."

(1) Samuel Lepastier is the author of L'Intercommunication, CNRS Éditions, 8 euros.
(2) France Brécard is the author of Se libération des relations toxiques, Ed. Eyrolles, 18 euros.
(3) Marion Blique is the author of J'arrêt les relations toxiques, Ed. Eyrolles, 11.90 euros.

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Source: lefigaro

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