When the birth deviates far from the personal imagination

The birth of a baby is experienced by each mother individually. For many it is very special, for others only painful, for some like a trauma. Why it's important to talk openly about your experiences.

You can only imagine a birth when you have experienced it – that is probably the summary of many mothers and fathers. No book, no guidebook can predict and predict what will come with and after childbirth. It is true that all parents are faced with the same task and challenge of bringing the new family member into the world, structuring and organizing life with the little person. But in the end, it develops differently in every family, as each baby is individual and parents – as they grow into their new role – react accordingly to the child.

With the positive pregnancy test, the new phase of life already begins and at first there is only an idea of the birth and what may come with the baby. This is often associated with worries, fears and uncertainty as well as questions upon questions: What is in store for me or for us? How will the birth? Should I give birth in the hospital or at home? Which hospital should I go to? What do I do if I can't find a midwife? Do I want to give birth naturally or by caesarean section? Can I stand the pain? Should I try it without a PDA?

The most beautiful day of your life or just being determined by others: Three mothers report on the birth of their child

The birth of a child is usually an unforgettable experience for mothers, whether in a positive or negative sense. © Anna_Omelchenko/Imago

Talking about childbirth is not yet a matter of course for many mothers. It is especially important to talk about it when the individual experience is not a good one or even stressful – be it because the child was born too early or because the birth itself was perceived as a traumatic experience. Spiegel Online spoke with three women about their honest birth experiences.

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Birth experience: "That was the most beautiful day of my life" – Laura, 29

"I would never have thought before that a birth could be so beautiful. That was the most beautiful day of my life. The moment when she emerged from the water and was placed on my chest: It was so beautiful, I can't even describe it. From the first contraction to birth, it took four hours. It was very fast and quite overwhelming. But I had good care. It was very self-determined: I was allowed to do what I felt comfortable with. Of course I was scared, but I just tried to deal with it. I would also advise others to do the same: to deal with the pain beforehand – and to perceive it more positively. And that you have someone with you who will stand up for your own interests in an emergency."

Birth report: "I was angry because I felt so alienated" – Julia, 28

"Even before I was pregnant, I had a very honest conversation with my mother about the birth. In one's own environment, people are more likely to dare to ask. My mother had an episiotomy and was traumatized by it. That's why I was afraid that it would be necessary for me too. I imagined it to be so terrible: because someone else would decide the integrity of my body. My child arrived one day after the scheduled date. When I went into labor, I felt really good at first. I felt strong. When it still didn't go any faster, the midwife made a so-called Kristeller maneuver. She lay down on her stomach. That was quite painful. The delivery room was suddenly full of people and everyone had instructions: when I should press, hold still, hold my breath. That was too much for me. At some point my husband said: Now only one person speaks, please! And then an episiotomy was made after all. I was angry because I felt so alienated. It wasn't a good start to being a parent: I had trouble adjusting to the new situation."

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Pregnancy and childbirth: "I would advise others: ask honestly" – Nele, 28

"Actually, I was well prepared and had dealt with everything that could go wrong. The birth began before the calculated date. I had dreamed strangely that my amniotic sac had burst. I woke up – the bed was wet. My husband was then supposed to call the midwife and was already quite panicked. But I said: Chill out, I'll go to the toilet first. I went into labor after all. It was as if someone had taken a knife and stabbed me in the abdomen and stirred it. I got a drip of pain because I couldn't take it anymore. But the needle was not set correctly and I had a one-sided labor storm. The midwives didn't take me seriously. I still think about that a lot now. At some point, the doctor gave me medication again, then the anesthesia suddenly took effect. At two o'clock in the morning my son was there. After that, I discharged myself from the hospital. I talk a lot about my experiences – and I also listen to my friends when they talk about their births. I think that's important. I would advise others: Ask honestly. Insists on hearing honest reports."

Consequences of a traumatic birth: one in five women suffers from postpartum depression

Mothers and fathers should be able to talk openly about the feelings triggered by the birth and the new parental life in order to avoid possible psychological consequences such as depressive phases. There are actually various reasons why some women develop postpartum depression or postpartum depression: Not only the age of the woman, a psychological predisposition and the quality of the bond with the partner play an important role. A traumatic birth experience can also have drastic consequences for the mother-child bond and be associated with depression. Subsequently, strong changes in one's own life and identity can also promote depression after birth, as the AOK reports. According to a study, first-time mothers in particular are said to develop a higher risk of postpartum depression.

This article contains only general information on the respective health topic and is therefore not intended for self-diagnosis, treatment or medication. It is in no way a substitute for a visit to the doctor. Unfortunately, our editors are not allowed to answer individual questions about clinical pictures.