It's hard not to take to heart a situation where your child says he doesn't want your presence (Photo: ShutterStock)
Are you getting rejection from your child? It can certainly be insulting. After all, love between parents and children is unconditional love, so how can he not want to be with you? That he only asks for the other parent? That he is actually saying by his actions and behavior that you are not wanted? This is parental preference, and it is normal, legitimate and common among babies and children. Sometimes it comes at times and sometimes it settles for a while, sometimes it is the daughters who will please the father and the sons the mother or vice versa - parental preference has no rules.
It's hard not to take to heart a situation where your child says he doesn't want your presence or behaves in a way that conveys that message. We are all human beings, and even if you know that there is no need to be offended by your child and that parental preference should merely encourage you since the child has desires of his own and feels comfortable expressing them, it is hard to avoid it. So what can help you overcome?
Recharging when the other parent is working hard
is necessary, isn't it? When the child dismisses you from showers, falling asleep, etc. - make lemonade out of it. While the other parent is with the child, you will rest and accumulate energy and if you are a good soul, take on (after rest, of course) more household chores so that the other parent will also get some rest.
Unpack your feelings in front of your partner, family or friends
Don't keep what you're feeling in your stomach. Involve people who will contain your pain and not judge you. This can make it a little easier to cope with the difficult and insulting moments.
Remind yourself that this is natural and can change
even though you know it, remind yourself: it's completely natural and how fun it is that your child knows how to express his desires, and feels comfortable doing it in front of you. It is also important to remember: as it came so it can pass or change, so it may not be worth getting used to.
Recognizing that it's not because you're doing something wrong doesn't mean you're a bad parent or that you're doing something wrong
with your child. Still, if you feel there is something to improve in your child's behavior (for example, being less task-oriented and more sensitive), do so. The motivation should be the desire to improve and not for the child to love you more now.
Make room for your feelings and not be ashamed of them
Any emotion you feel is legitimate, even if it means you are offended by your child's behavior. If you accept the insult, it will be a little easier for you to deal with, whereas if you are ashamed of it, a lot of energy will be wasted on hiding and suppressing it.
And finally, laughing about it with your favorite
parent, "I'm only here to hold the candle for you anyway" and other phrases like you say to the other parent can completely lighten the atmosphere and relieve your insult a bit. The pain of rejection will be replaced by humor and the relationship between you, the parents, will not be damaged because of the dynamics at home.
Don't keep what you feel in your stomach (Photo: ShutterStock)
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Daniel Sarantzky, in association with JAMA
- New parents