"The first time Aurelian saw Berenice, he found her frankly ugly," wrote Louis Aragon in 1944. Aurélien, the hero of the eponymous novel, does not stop at his first impressions and will end up falling madly in love with the young woman, especially for her wit and intelligence. Was he sapiosexual? From the Latin "sapio", which means intelligence or reason, sapiosexuality corresponds precisely to being sexually and emotionally attracted to others based on their intelligence and not their physical appearance. More and more people seem to recognize themselves and identify with this concept. Last May, the actress Sophie Marceau said herself to be sapiosexual in an interview with the newspaper Libération.
Of course, sapiosexuals can also be charmed by the external beauty of their interlocutors but their primary criterion remains the intellect. A specialist in gender studies, Rob Cover, a lecturer and researcher in digital communication at the Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology, has been interested for several years in new sexual identities such as sapiosexuality. He even turned it into a book, Emerging Identities (1), released in 2018, which traces the evolution of our understanding of gender and sexuality through the digital landscape. For Madame Figaro, he gives us an exhaustive definition of these intellectuals of love and what they aspire to in their relationship.
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Mental stimulation above all
Sapiosasexuals each have their own vision of what makes a mind intelligent and attractive to them. "The way of speaking, the look, the cultural references, the interests... They don't care as long as they feel mentally stimulated. Their sexual desire and feelings are conditioned by it," Rob Cover said. This criterion is so important that it overshadows all others, sometimes including gender. "If they feel intellectually nourished, they do not take into account gender, appearance, or other components of identity," says the teacher-researcher in digital communication.
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A modernized version
According to Rob Cover, the term was first coined and used by early users of the social network Tumblr in the late 2000s. But the concept itself is nothing new. Indeed, we did not wait for the Internet to be attracted by the intelligence of others. "This is indeed an old concept," confirms the teacher-researcher. Many literary writings, love legends and romantic poems dating back hundreds of years tell the story of men and women falling in love in deep conversations."
However, he notes two novelties in this modernized version of sapiosexuality. First, the use of the term, more precise to designate what once required a longer explanation. Secondly, the fact that we are no longer talking only about a preference, but about an identity in its own right. According to him, sapiosexuals present themselves as such and claim it as a real marker of their personality.
The way of speaking, the look, the cultural references, the interests... They don't care as long as they feel mentally stimulated.
Rob Cover, Research Professor in Digital Communication at the Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology
Fleeing the superficial and deepening the link
For Rob Cover, if the term "sapiosexual" has become popular in recent years, it probably comes from a growing desire for "depth", a search for meaning in our society. "People are more and more demanding with their associates," he observes. They are looking for long conversations and intellectual exchanges, even for simple flirting."
Some young people define themselves as sapiosexual to detach themselves from the superficial image that sometimes sticks to the skin of their generation. Far from selfies and filters, "many studies show that they reject this culture of the image, very present online, notes Rob Cover. Conversely, these young people are proud to talk about their love of the intellect," says the specialist in gender studies.
Emotional quotient also matters
For Rob Cover, sapiosexuals do not only desire people who are learned or have a high level of education. Now, their attraction to the intellect goes far beyond, towards a form of expanded intelligence." In the twentieth century, intelligence generally corresponded to social markers: university degree, reading choices, knowledge of the arts, etc. But in recent decades, other forms such as emotional intelligence have also been recognized and valued, he notes. The latter corresponds to the ability to listen, to recognize the emotions of others and to provide an appropriate response".
Over the past decade, we have witnessed the most important desire to redefine sexual and social norms since the beginning of the twentieth century.
Rob Cover, Research Professor in Digital Communication at the Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology
Towards a revolution in sexual identities
For some, presenting oneself as sapiosexual is also a way to take part in the revolution of sexual identities. "Over the past decade, we have witnessed the most important desire to redefine sexual and social norms since the beginning of the twentieth century. The younger generation wants to break free from traditional dichotomies: male/female, male/female, homosexual/heterosexual," says Rob Cover.
In addition to sapiosexuality, the specialist in gender studies also notes in his work on the language used online the appearance of hundreds of other new qualifiers to define his preferences: non-binary, asexual, pansexual ... "This identity revolution has largely been enabled by the internet. The younger generation has found a space to discuss freely and to disseminate this new terminology on a large scale. The denominations they created, such as sapiosexuality, gave them new ways to describe their desires and identities more authentically," he concludes.
(1) Emerging Identities: New Sexualities, New Genders and New Relationships in the Digital Age, by Rob Cover, Routledge Publishing, €28.50.
