Constantly doubting our partner's lack of love, fearing finding yourself alone from one day to the next, even when everything is going well... These feelings could be indicative of a fear of abandonment.
This injury, also called “abandonment syndrome”, refers to the permanent anxiety of being abandoned.
It most often develops in childhood or “following a profound loss, a divorce, being pushed aside or the loss of a friendship,” explains psychologist Annie Tanasugarn. .
In an article written by her and published on January 21 on the
Psychology Today
website , the specialist explains how this fear affects our romantic, friendly and family ties.
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Too quick an attachment
According to Annie Tanasugarn, we can identify the fear of abandonment with the strong intensity installed from the beginning of a friendly or romantic relationship.
For example, we observe “excessive sharing of intimate details with a person in order to accelerate the “connection””, or even “endless hours spent talking with a new person (with the impression of having known them forever)”, notes the psychologist.
The problem ?
By wanting to escape loneliness and create connections at all costs, we risk becoming friends with toxic people.
Hypervigilance
To soothe the hurt of abandonment, we tend to overprotect those close to us.
This is the typical example of that friend who worries excessively about our safety when we return home late at night.
A reflex that can “suffocate” some.
“If the constant need to 'check in' with others helps to alleviate the person's intense fears of abandonment, it at the same time creates tension and instability in their relationships,” warns the specialist.
Also read: These 5 signs that prove that a love story is starting well
Increased susceptibility
Certain remarks can take on disproportionate proportions in the mind of an individual suffering from abandonment syndrome.
At work as in more intimate circles, criticism made towards him makes him defensive and vulnerable.
“This is particularly true for people who are perfectionists and who have unrealistic expectations of themselves,” specifies the psychologist in her text.
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A suspicion
Fear of rejection generally includes a lack of trust in others.
According to Anna Tanasugarn, we notice this in particular within a couple: "The people concerned live in the permanent suspicion that their partner will abandon them, which makes them vulnerable and pushes them to be "clingy", "in demand for affection" or "demanding" towards their partner."
If the fear of abandonment harms relationships, the psychologist first invites you to identify the situations that rekindle the injury.
To ensure a stable emotional state, “it is important to have people you trust in your life,” she recalls.
Before concluding: “Often, healing from abandonment wounds involves evaluating the quality of our relationships and letting go of those that are toxic and harm our sense of peace.”