Procrastination, provoking an argument... All these small acts can be self-sabotage, that is to say an "action that hinders us and prevents us from achieving our goals or staying in good health ".
This is what Nawal Mustafa, an American neuropsychologist better known under the pseudonym
Thebraincoach on
Instagram, describes.
In a publication posted online on January 31, the neuroscientist with 1.4 million subscribers invites us to understand what pushes us to self-sabotage... To finally stop wasting our lives.
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An illusion of control
To illustrate his point, Nawal Mustafa uses the following example.
In a relationship, and while everything is going well, it happens that we are overcome by fear.
What if the other left me?
What if the relationship ended up making me suffer?
Then suddenly, we start finding a whole bunch of faults in each other and provoking conflicts over insignificant subjects.
Some would even go so far as to break up, against their will.
For what ?
Because the process is reassuring.
“People self-sabotage because it allows them to predict what will happen,” says the young woman in the video.
Ending the relationship prematurely, for example, actually gives you a feeling of control over the situation, even if the outcome (the breakup) is not what you really want.
In the post's caption, she elaborates: "It's a subconscious mechanism that gives us a false sense of predictability, creating an illusion of control over our lives."
According to her, this behavior most often stems from a “fear of the unknown” or a desire to keep familiar landmarks, even if they harm our general well-being.
Also read: The burnt toast theory: what if our daily worries didn't happen by chance?
Except that in reality, self-sabotage makes us stagnate in the same patterns, and hinders personal development, finally warns the neuropsychologist.
Before addressing his subscribers: “I encourage you to think about how you put obstacles in your way.
What changes can you make to prevent this from happening again?