“I worry about everything, all the time.
At work or at home, everything is a source of questioning: from the way I dress to the way I defend my cases at work, including the way I carry myself in society.
I have the feeling that things are simpler for my male colleagues or my partner, they ask fewer questions,” explains Pauline, a Parisian just in her thirties.
Like many other women, this communications manager is a victim of the
worry gap
, this “worry gap” between men and women.
To discover
Podcast
> Gwyneth Paltrow: the strange guru from the Upper East Side
Download the Le Figaro Cuisine app for tasty and authentic recipes
Also read: “Many men delude themselves into thinking they are doing their part, when that is not true”: manifesto for feminine selfishness
An imbalance that already existed before the pandemic, but which has continued to worsen since, as highlighted by a study published in 2022 by NatCen, the National Center for Social Research in the United Kingdom.
According to this study, women are twice as prone to extreme worry as men.
A finding which corroborates recent figures from the WHO according to which women are more subject to anxiety disorders than men.
“If it is linked to mental load, this notion of
worry gap
is nevertheless different,” explains psychoanalyst Anaïs Le Brun-Berry.
It is linked to the level of stress and anxiety which is assessed using a certain number of stressors (stress markers) that are more important in women.”
Generally speaking, if women are more worried, it is in particular because they have been educated in this direction, and because they have incorporated unequal standards since their earliest childhood.
The emotional charge
“No woman is born more capable than a man of caring and caring for others.
They were just raised that way.
We call this the emotional charge,” confirms Anaïs Le Brun-Berry.
It is enough to observe the percentage of women in care
professions
– between 85 and 95%, according to our expert – to realize this double standard linked to gender.
Mental load, domestic and professional chores, maternal responsibilities, helping… In fact, women are still, in the large majority, responsible for the well-being of others.
This gendered education (unconscious or not) also pushes them to be in permanent prevention: where men wait until they are faced with a problem to resolve it, women tend to anticipate the difficulties that could arise to prevent them.
A thought mechanism that inevitably fuels… anxiety.
No woman is born more capable than a man of caring and caring for others.
They were just raised that way
Anaïs Le Brun-Berry, psychoanalyst
The role of sexism
Another marker of stress is multiple discrimination.
According to the Sexism Barometer, published in 2023 for the High Council for Equality, 80% of women have the feeling of having already been victims of sexism, and only 20% of French people believe that men and women are equal in the world. work.
Where a male colleague would probably not ask the question of gender in a new position, some women know that they will have to redouble their efforts to be considered the equal of a man.
“I just landed a management position in a large company, where there are a majority of heterosexual men.
I wonder a lot about the place I will have to take to gain respect without coming across as too dictatorial or, conversely, sending signals of openness that could seem ambiguous.
It’s a real balancing act, and I know that it’s because I’m a woman that I think about it,” Letizia, a communications executive, is already worried.
Women are also more subject to injunctions about physical appearance.
The younger generations may try to deconstruct them, but they are always victims of them.
“With the importance of social networks, the place of images in our lives has changed.
It is immersive and invades our daily lives, potentially creating stress, anxiety and obsessive behavior.
We particularly observe it in eating disorder behaviors among adolescent girls,” notes Anaïs Le Brun-Berry.
Without forgetting the famous mental load, this race against time to take care of everyday life, from the appointment with the youngest's physiotherapist to dinner.
Tasks that are little shared on a daily basis: “70% of this domestic work and its thinking still rests on women,” notes Amandine Hancewicz, founder of the Parents & Féministes association.
Certainly, in return, women develop capacities for adaptation, planning and organization, but these tasks are not monetized, and visible neither to the spouse nor to society.
“These skills can be deployed in all spheres, but at what point do we become aware of these resources to remove them from the load?” asks Anaïs Le Brun-Berry.
The weight of the collective
Stress, fatigue, exhaustion, sometimes even burn-out... In addition to the energy-consuming side and the permanent frustration that this
worry gap
can generate, it can also impact mental and physical health.
“I have regular reminders from my body: last year, I had two alopecia areata, and I take daily Gaviscon and Omeprazole (
medications against ulcers, Editor's note
).
I am also part of this caste of very anxious people who wake up at 5 a.m. with the mental cycle going in a loop,” says Letizia.
There is no shortage of concerns for women and, the icing on the cake, it is also often up to them to manage the emotions that this can generate, by going to a consultation.
“We call this the therapeutic load.
Women consult more than men.
And when, in the couple, the man is not doing well, the woman will be responsible for counseling to be able to support him and ensure that he gets better.
Ultimately, this also increases this
worry gap
,” analyzes Anaïs Le Brun-Berry.
I have regular reminders about my body: last year, I had two alopecia areata
Letizia
But then what can we do?
Can this gap be reduced?
In a relationship, sometimes a simple awareness is enough to act.
“A discussion with your partner is always useful to rebalance mental and emotional burdens,” says Anaïs Le Brun-Berry.
But when you're alone?
In this case, you must be able to rely on a network, friends, family, rely on structures such as associations, town hall, social assistance, and be able to step out of yourself, overcome the barrier shame for daring to ask for help.
“Above all, we must stop believing that all this happens at the individual level.
A spiritual retreat does not solve structural problems, especially when most people cannot do one, asserts sociologist and feminist activist Illana Weizman.
It is therefore urgent that public authorities take up this subject, for example by providing resources to public services to prevent individuals from fending for themselves.
Mothers must be helped.”
The weight of the collective?
This is the solution to reducing this gap.