Two months after her abdominal operation which aroused all the curiosities, Kate Middleton announced that she had cancer in a short video published Friday March 22 on Instagram. The revelation shocked the whole world, led to multiple questions, particularly about the nature of his cancer, but above all commanded respect. Her father-in-law, King Charles III, was one of the first to praise the courage of the Princess of Wales. Emilie Daudin knows only too well the force required by the announcement of illness. In October 2020, at age 33, the influencer and entrepreneur, known on Instagram as @emiliebrunette, was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer. An aggressive form which affects nearly 9,000 women per year and presents significant risks of recurrence. Now in remission, she talks for us about the experience of cancer as a woman and mother, the reactions of those around her after the announcement and the difficulties of loved ones in providing appropriate support.
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Also read: Émilie Daudin: “I didn’t want cancer to invade our house and the lives of my children”
Madame Figaro.-
What reaction did you have after Kate Middleton's public announcement?
Emilie Daudin. -
This shocked me and seeing the Princess of Wales announce it publicly while previously the disease was hidden out of shame, I said to myself that cancer was really everywhere. Given the media hype that followed her announcement, I also realized that even princesses don't have the right to peace.
Is this tranquility essential after diagnosis?
Yes, you have to digest the information then get back on track to want to talk about it and get started. Personally, it took me a month. Only my close friends were informed of the diagnosis because they knew I had been having tests for a few weeks. Then, I quickly decided to talk about it on my social networks in order to raise awareness. I never felt concerned about breast cancer, I was young, I had no history, I was not included in the statistics, in short, I was not supposed to have breast cancer . So when I found out I was sick, I said to myself “may as well”. And as I continued to expose myself, I also wanted to inform people about physical changes in advance. At the start of the treatments, I lost a lot of weight, then I lost my hair, I had to explain that. And obviously, talking feels good, it almost has the effect of a shrink.
Talking feels good, it almost feels like a shrink
Emilie Daudin, 36 years old
In her short video, Kate Middleton spoke about the time needed to explain the situation appropriately to her three children. How did you inform yours?
My son was 3 1/2 years old and my daughter had just turned 1 year old. I remember feeling and observing that their behavior changed as my exams progressed. My daughter, who was then sleeping well, was crying again at night, for example. And when I told her I was sick, she stopped. I remember using the word “crab” to talk to them. I also said: “Mom has a lump in her breast but I will be treated”. I also used a book I bought for my son,
Maman est une pirate
. Everything went well. When I returned from my mastectomy and the removal of my breast (I remained without breasts for two years afterwards), it was more difficult, my son no longer wanted to cuddle me, for example.
Also readCancer: how to tell your child?
Does saying you have cancer contribute to acceptance?
I don't know if we really realize it. I have now been in remission for three years and I still don't know if I understood what had happened to me. My brain worked on autopilot mode, I protected myself a lot. I see a lot of women, employees on sick leave who become depressed after their treatments because they have nothing left. So I always say to patients: keep busy! Do the things you've always dreamed of doing. Personally, I was not employed so I continued to work, it allowed me to occupy my mind and not live, sleep or eat “cancer”. There was no way the illness would take all of that from me too.
Without forgetting that the announcement, the verbalization, is a test in itself...
Yes. When we give such information to others, we receive their distress. After my diagnosis, I remember coming across a person in the street that I barely knew but with whom I had worked for a while. When I told her I had breast cancer, she broke down in tears. It suprised me. In reality, cancer is people's biggest fear, the word itself is scary. When an announcement is made, people identify and sometimes react as if it were contagious. Faced with this distress, we sick people sometimes find ourselves needing comfort.
Faced with the distress of those around us, we sick people sometimes find ourselves comforting
Emilie Daudin
Does cancer change how others see you?
Those close to us sometimes consider us as a “little thing”. Some also allow themselves to give us unsolicited advice, “Cancer cannot be cured with chemo, you should try that…”, or utter phrases that we do not need to hear, like “Ma aunt died from it”... When I announced it, sick people started following me on Instagram and absolutely wanted to talk to me about the illness. There was like an unhealthy, voyeuristic wave. Sometimes it bordered on harassment. Others asked me a lot, told me “I just had my biopsy, I need to talk to you”.
You previously said that certain reactions from those around you were inappropriate and could offend. What phrases should you avoid saying to a sick person?
“It’s going to be okay” is really the one to avoid, in my opinion. It is very difficult to hear. When someone told me “breast cancer is very curable!”, I replied “yes, but it is the leading cause of death from cancer in women”. Today, and I am delighted, many are writing to me to ask what they can do to support a sick person. Of course the task is difficult, but to begin with, you should not try to reassure. Sometimes you just need a listening ear or need to say “I'm afraid of dying”; not to hear yourself say “it’s going to be okay”.
Sometimes you just need to say “I’m afraid of dying”, not to hear yourself say “it’s going to be okay”
Emilie Daudin
Concretely, what can those around you do?
To be present. Many friends disappear after the announcement, women sometimes even lose their spouse. Then, I recommend simple words: “I am thinking of you”, “I am sending you lots of strength”, “I am here if you need”. We can also give time by offering to pick up the children after school and prepare food. We can also offer care if it does good to the sick person.